Is he using me?

**-+Lost+-** · 03-12-09, 05:22 AM

Hey everyone, really need some advise,

I’ve been friends with this guy now for about a year, i work with him - which is how we met. I have always found him very attractive and just harmlessly flirted with him from time to time. Recently me and my boyfriend of three years broke up and through that i lost my group of friends. So i started hanging out with this guy, his girlfriend and their friends, they became my "new" friends. Over time he and i got closer and closer. About 2 months ago he admitted he really liked me, i was flattered and admitted i liked him back. One night we walked home on our own and he told me that he cant stay away from me, he cant stop thinking about me and he doesn’t know what to do because he has a girlfriend. He tried to kiss me that night but i couldn’t do it because he was with his girlfriend. They have been together for 3 years and live together, but things weren’t going so well, she told me she wasn’t in love with him anymore and wasn’t sure if she still wanted to be with him. The only thing keeping them together was the fact that they would lose the house.

Over the course of a few weeks we actually did kiss. My feelings for him have grown so much, my every thought has been about him! His girlfriend found out - major problems - she moved out of their house and stayed at a friends for a week. Thing is now i have been kicked out of the group for being such an awful person, which i totally deserve. But thing is I think I am falling for him. I feel so depressed all the time because I can’t be with him. Apparently they are giving it another go and seeing if things work out between them. He says he loves her and doesn’t want to lose her, yet why if this is the case would he be messing around with me? Im not entirely sure what she is thinking, if things weren’t working out before, why is she agreeing to try again?! What would make things better this time?

She moved back in but literally days after that, she went away for the weekend. Me and this guy went out for drinks, got a bit drunk and ended up sleeping together. Now he feels really guilty and says he shouldn’t have done it, they were meant to be trying again and gaining trust back in their relationship. I feel awful as well, I know it was really wrong of me to go through with it but I want him much. It kills me that I can never be with him.

I am aware that he could just be using me because he’s not getting what he wants from his relationship, but every part of me still wishes that he would choose me. Break it off with her and be with me. I have to see him every day at work and even when I go out at the weekend he is there because we all drink in the same place. There is no getting away from him, so what am I supposed to do? I want to finish this because its killing me. What should I do?

Yes I know I have done a really bad thing, I am quite aware of this but right now I just need some advise on what to do..

Thanks guys!

**Gigabitch** · 03-12-09, 05:27 AM

Here's some advice: watch your back because his girlfriend is going to be after you now. I sure would be. I'd kick your little ass and set all of his shit on fire.

What the hell were you thinking? First of all, he's not single, so bad on you for that. Secondly, you work with the guy, and now you're learning the hard way exactly why you're not supposed to mess around with coworkers.

The biggest red flag, though, is your shocking lack of self respect. Shocking. Even if he did choose you, it would only be a matter of time before he was cheating on you too.

Get a clue and walk away from this mess. Think about why you lost your entire group of friends because of your breakup. That, to me, is evidence of some further weirdness. Do you want to explain that?

**bloodtippedrose** · 03-12-09, 05:45 AM

you go after the wrong guys and you get flaky friends, if you can even call them friends. You need to make major changes in your life because what youre doing now isnt working. Get a new job, focus on work or what makes you happy and stop hanging around the wrong people. I know you have a conscience because of the guilt youre feeling, you just have to listen to it.

**Primo** · 03-12-09, 05:56 AM

Oh my, the way these type of threads are pouring in lately, I wouldn't be surprised if Indi thinks I'm creating all of them as a statement

Lost, I guess you're just venting...you seem very bright and know exactly what's going on...

**-+Lost+-** · 03-12-09, 06:15 AM

I am just venting, i dont know what to do.. Yes thankyou Gigabitch i know what i have done is wrong, thats why i said i am aware of this, i came here for advise because i dont know what to do! Im not just doing this to be a bitch, i truely have strong feelings for this guy and i wanted to hear what other people think, it he using me? That was my question. If i could just find a forum where people were going to give me true advise and not just abuse maybe i could sort this mess out. Maybe sometimes looking at situations from different points of view can help, i know writing on a forum details get missed out. What i gave was an overview of what happened which understandably made me out to be a wh*re etc. but please understand, i am not that kind of person, i dont sleep around, i am 22 had 2 serious relationships and only slept with 3 people. I am a good person, maybe i am just vunerable at the moment because i lost the love of my life a few months ago. Maybe i am just clinging on to the first person that gave me some kind of attention after my break up. I dont know. But what i do know is that i am not coping well with this!

**davidtorres** · 03-12-09, 06:15 AM

cut all your communication with the guy and find a rebound.

**Gigabitch** · 03-12-09, 06:17 AM

He is TOTALLY using you. He's a chucklehead. Look, going through a breakup can make you nuts, I know. It can skew your perceptions and make you do things you'd never normally do. Because of this, you shouldn't really trust your own judgment for a good, long while.

Get a new job and leave this mess in the past.

**-+Lost+-** · 03-12-09, 06:18 AM

I lost my group of friends from my breakup because they were my boyfriends mates before we got together so the right thing was to break away from that group. He broke up with me for his own reasons and i was heartbroken.

**Primo** · 03-12-09, 06:21 AM

Lost, I'm sorry if you felt I was being rude or dismissive and in no way do I think you're a whore. You're young, you're naive, you're inexperienced...Live, love & learn.

And to answer your question babe, YES he's using you...no if's, no and's and no but's about it.

**-+Lost+-** · 03-12-09, 06:35 AM

I thought as much

no matter how i think of it, if they get back together and things go great i'll be out of the picture. I think it was just because things were going bad for them, she stopped giving him the love he wanted so he went out and got it somewhere else. In the process i lost a friend, two friends if he decides to ditch me.
I have gone through so much hurt and rejection these past 3 months im not sure i could take much more. I want to stay friends with him, we get on so well, but would that be dangerous? I could spend god knows how long not seeing anyone else because of him. Guys talk to me but i have no interest in them what so ever, its all about him. I havent even thought about my ex, took me a month to get over him :S surely that should take longer?
This whole thing sucks, if i could take it back i would.

**Gigabitch** · 03-12-09, 06:42 AM

He's not your friend anyway. You've already lost that, so don't lean on it. He won't be there for you.

You're going through a really tough time right now. Maybe you shouldn't date anyone for a while. You might want to cut down on the drinking, too. It's just getting you into trouble.

You haven't thought about your ex because you've successfully distracted yourself from what really matters with all of this drama. It's still there, waiting. You're probably going to have a big meltdown soon. Do you have any family around, any friends at all who aren't embroiled somehow in this triangle?

**-+Lost+-** · 03-12-09, 07:04 AM

I guess he won't no, although he did say he doesn't want to lose me as a friend..but he will probably resent me if his relationship doesn't work, if it does work, i very much doubt we will be able to "hang out" so to speak.

Drinking is very bad, i have done alot of it since my breakup, i know that really does not help at all! I think now is the time i should just think about me, no more men for a while just focus on my career and my health.

God i hope not, if my feelings for my ex come back i will most definitely go into meltdown. Luckily yes i have other friends outside of this triangle that i can talk to, none of them tell me what i want to hear though lol! I guess i am just in denial at the moment, it feels like i am going through my breakup all over again, my head and my heart are at war. I know i should use my head because my heart is going to get hurt..

**lilly1185** · 03-12-09, 11:19 AM

Avoid bars at all costs. Get a gym membership instead, and hang around happy, healthful people.

It'll also serve as a distraction.

Let the relationship with this jerkwad go. It's gunna hurt, you fell fast and hard. Learn a lesson, grieve and move on.

Also, Props Giga. I <3 the world chucklehead.

**bloodtippedrose** · 04-12-09, 02:08 AM

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

He's a chucklehead.

lol wtf

never heard that expression before

**Gigabitch** · 04-12-09, 03:05 AM

Originally Posted by bloodtippedrose

lol wtf

never heard that expression before

And yet I bet you know exactly what I'm talking about, right? Everybody knows at least two chuckleheads.

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