Fiance and His Mother

[Sonrisa]

i second that ^

[vashti]

I haveto agree with sonrisa and misombra here. If I were trying to win someone over, I wouldn't involve myself in activities she wasn't participating in while in their presence. this is called "winning friends and influencing people". And as a married person, I know that is IS important to get along with your spouses family. His family will become YOUR family, and also you children's family. If you think that doesn't matter, you are crazy.

Coco - you sound very hard headed, and very young.

[Primo]

I think it's safe to say that after 5-6 years, there's no winning over that's going to be happening here. You can be courteous, considerate and pleasant, that's about it at this point.

I believe someone mentioned that there's a chance the MIL could change if and when you have her grandchild...that's a possibility. Other than that, just make the best of it and focus on your relationship with him Coco.

[misombra]

if this were my situation, i would greatly value the advice of those who are married, or are in a long term relationship, and get along with their in laws. this is a situation wherein relationships take work.

[CocoChanel]

well, good luck with everything. i mean that.

You don't really mean that... I'm sure you would love to see me crash and burn. But thanks.

I think it's safe to say that after 5-6 years, there's no winning over that's going to be happening here. You can be courteous, considerate and pleasant, that's about it at this point. I believe someone mentioned that there's a chance the MIL could change if and when you have her grandchild...that's a possibility. Other than that, just make the best of it and focus on your relationship with him Coco.

I know that having Anako's child will make all the difference in the world. But... I can't really talk about that in this forum. The people I am closest with on this forum know the deal on this. Even though we don't have a child of our own... his Mother is very involved with our goddaughter. She picks her up every other weekend and she spends time with her. It's the only time she does say something to me without being completely nasty. LOL! She has said something like, "Well at least you are doing something right by Mini's daughter. She's a great girl." Still a little insult but it's the best she can do! LOL!

I haveto agree with sonrisa and misombra here. If I were trying to win someone over, I wouldn't involve myself in activities she wasn't participating in while in their presence. this is called "winning friends and influencing people". And as a married person, I know that is IS important to get along with your spouses family. His family will become YOUR family, and also you children's family. If you think that doesn't matter, you are crazy. Coco - you sound very hard headed, and very young.

What part of... I am not trying to win her over do you and everyone else not understand? My only goal is maintain my politeness and my respect towards her and NOT LOSE IT. Because at one moment I felt like I was going to lose it.

[CocoChanel]

if this were my situation, i would greatly value the advice of those who are married, or are in a long term relationship, and get along with their in laws. this is a situation wherein relationships take work.

I do value their advice! But she is set in her ways!! What the hell am I supposed to do?

[vashti]

You are BOTH set in your ways.

[CocoChanel]

How so? What am I doing so wrong? I mean... I can't change her.

[vashti]

No, you can't. You can only take responsibility for your behavior, and the changes YOU can make.

[misombra]

You don't really mean that... I'm sure you would love to see me crash and burn. But thanks.

nope. trust me coco, i have a lot of other things i would love to see crash and burn. i would love to see the war in iraq and afghanistan end. i would love to see rape and mass poverty and starvation end. i would love there to be a cure for cancer.

why do you act like such a victim? why couldn't you take my well wishes and my advice and make the best out of it and not think so negatively? have you ever considered that maybe that is why your mother in law can't stand you?

[Sonrisa]

You don't really mean that... I'm sure you would love to see me crash and burn. But thanks.



I know that having Anako's child will make all the difference in the world. But... I can't really talk about that in this forum. The people I am closest with on this forum know the deal on this. Even though we don't have a child of our own... his Mother is very involved with our goddaughter. She picks her up every other weekend and she spends time with her. It's the only time she does say something to me without being completely nasty. LOL! She has said something like, "Well at least you are doing something right by Mini's daughter. She's a great girl." Still a little insult but it's the best she can do! LOL!



What part of... I am not trying to win her over do you and everyone else not understand? My only goal is maintain my politeness and my respect towards her and NOT LOSE IT. Because at one moment I felt like I was going to lose it.

who is Mini?

[CocoChanel]

No, you can't. You can only take responsibility for your behavior, and the changes YOU can make.

What behavior is that?

why do you act like such a victim? why couldn't you take my well wishes and my advice and make the best out of it and not think so negatively? have you ever considered that maybe that is why your mother in law can't stand you?

Because you never have anything nice to say to me... EVER. So how am I supposed to know that you are being sincere. Not playing a victim but I just know when someone doesn't like me.

have you ever considered that maybe that is why your mother in law can't stand you?

No because she doesn't even ****in' know me and has never even tried to get to know me. The same reason why she doesn't know Anako's best friend that well because he's not worthy of her attention as well.

[misombra]

no you don't. because i don't dislike you. i don't have the time or energy to dislike you. and i have said a lot of nice things to you. you just always focus on the bad stuff and can't let go of grudges.

[CocoChanel]

who is Mini?

My Goddaughter's Late Mother, Anako's and my best friend.

[IndiReloaded]

LOL. Coco. You are old enough to recognize good sense no matter what the source.

Show some consistent interest in something your MIL enjoys. Pick something you can be sincere about. You don't have to become this woman's best friend, just get along cordially.

She will always be her son's mother. He will never willingly pick you over her & he should never have to. Be smarter. Figure out some common ground and cultivate it.