HELP! Caught Between the Two!

[Aaliyah]

Here is my situation I was in a relationship with guy #1 for 3 years. During this 3 year period we have had many bumps in our road, between him preferring to hang out with friends, disappearing at nights, meeting other woman behind my back (although I've never found out he's cheated..he has been at the very least conversing & saying he is single!..he probably has), and really being a sweet guy sometimes then this asshole all of a sudden. All I knew is he never wanted us to break up ever and if I ever left he would go to the end of the world to find me. A lot of our relationship was up and down, break up to make up. But I love him deeply through all of it. We have introduced our families to one another, he has helped me in so many ways and been there for me, and we really were head over heals in some crazy love! l finally I realized I was not getting the attention & love I deserved and the fighting became unbearable. Some how some way I shut my feelings off of him and broke it off, I just didn't feel he was giving me what I deserved.

About 1 month later of being single, I met guy # 2, who from the beginning has had my mind blown, I've never met someone so sweet, so caring, so genuine and so attentive and really catering to me. We don't fight, we really have a great time together. Both him & I have decided to go back to school together, he's brought me to meet his family, let me leave my belongings at his place (I'm there every weekend) and has shown me how to trust someone and how a real relationship should be, he has also told me he loves me (we have been seeing each other for 5 months now).

During this time I've been seeing guy #2, guy #1 has not left me alone for one second! He has been calling me every day since the break up, sending me flowers, completely turned around his life style. He has now admitted all his wrongs, explained to me while he was trying to get his life and career in order he was very selfish and when he career was failing he was taking it out on me and now 100% is serious and is ready to do whatever and I mean whatever it takes to make us work! AND....and has now PROPOSED to me. WOW. This is what I had wanted.

Here is the thing now, I cannot for the life of me make a decision.
Do I go with my ex? who was playing around and now wants to be serious, he has spoken with my parents, got us a place, and is ready for me to move in and get this engagement going, he's finished school with 2 degrees from university, is a model, and really can be a good guy..less our past history. OR do I stay with guy #2 who in a short time has given me the breath of fresh air, who is an open book who dedicates himself to our relationship, he does need to go to school, and will be a struggling student, isn't as attractive as my ex, but his personality more than makes up for it (just trying to give you guys the full background). I really feel I actually love them both and am pulling my hair trying to figure out what to do! Please help!

[Chupacabras]

You need time to yourself. In other words, neither.

[shheadz]

Honestly, if it was me, I'd stick with #2. Guy #1 could be making all these grand gestures because he's lonely. He could go back to being an ass down the road. You just don't know. But if you leave guy #2 to find out if guy #1 really has changed, well.. you've burnt that bridge. If he has any self respect, that wonderful guy isn't going to take you back.

[kms]

That sounds really tough. It sucks to be in that situation and I wish I could give you more solid advice. You could ask advice from a million people, but in the end, the decision is ultimately yours. Only you know what is best.

With that being said, I also agree with shheadz... guy #1 may have finally realized that you were serious about not being happy, and is only turning things around because he wants you back. If you go back, it is possible that he may slip back into his old ways, even holding it against you that you weren't sure and had ignored him for so long! Then he'll also know how to keep you around; just be nice for a while and then go back to his true self.

In the end, you have to ask yourself what you value the most. What is most important to you? Someone who is sweet, takes care of you, appreciates you, values you... or someone who has all the material attractions - good looking, better educated, long history together....? (gosh your situation sounds so similar to mine.... it really sucks). Who would make a better father, if that's what you're looking for? Who would be best to advise you in difficult situations? Who will be there for you, be understanding, when things are rough? What about the future: in 20, 30 years, what would be important to you in a relationship? Looks? Education? Personality?

If you're really torn, I would really encourage you to go to a counselor to talk all this out. They can allow you the space to get it all out, explore all your concerns and confusion, and then help you come to a decision. It's easier than talking to people you know, because they'll all have their own opinions and vested interests in the situation. If you talk to people online, they don't really know the whole story, and it's hard to convey everything without face to face contact or real time feedback.

[IndiReloaded]

Tell Guy #1 that, while you admire his efforts, you simply aren't ready to commit to marriage at this point. It would be foolish to jump into it given your history.

What's he going to do? Take back his proposal? LOL. If he does, then you know he hasn't changed a bit.

What you need to decide is whether you want to continue to see #2 or get back with #1. Consider carefully the points that kms makes in his last post. Who do you see yourself truly happy with, longterm? Given the difficulty of your relationship over the duration, I'm inclined to go with door #2. Sounds a bit like you are forcing a square peg to a round hole.