Love Triangle

[Kit Kat]

I don't really have a question here. Mostly I just want to talk to someone since I can't talk to any of my friends about this. I've already made a decision but I guess a little advice wouldn't kill me.

I'm in love with this guy. He's very special to me and I can't express the feeling I have when I see him. He tells me he loves me in return and we've kissed a bit and he's asked that we be more intimate though we haven't (just so you know). But the problem is...you guessed it! He has a girlfriend. An even bigger problem you ask? Right again, his girlfriend is a good friend of mine. Isn't life a bitch

We've stopped kissing thought cuz I don't want to hurt her. But it's very painful. I love him very much but I know he doesn't love me. I can just tell. For one thing, he won't even condone the idea of leaving his gf. I don't want him to of course because I want her to be happy with him but the thing is whether I want him to or not he refuses to leave her. We've talked about it. I told him I don't want him to leave her and he said, "Oh no I'm not." I know that's what I wanted but it really hurts none the less. He talks about her to me like she's a goddess with no hesitation. He doesn't even question that it might bother me when he says to me, "I wish she were here, she makes me feel better." Not anything about wanting me around, never about wanting me around to make him feel better. It kills me. And the only time he ever shows any real affection towards me (which is little and gentle but still very warm and loving) is when we are alone (natural I know) but when we're around anyone else, not so much with our friends but epsecially around his gf, he acts angry towards me, kinda sorta glaring, like he hates me. He talks about how beautiful she is and how he would do anything for her. But does he ever question that maybe hearing those things might bother me? Never. And he knows how much I love him. I've certainly told him enough. I really don't know what he wants from me. I thought at first that he just wanted me as a shoulder to cry on but I now know that's what she's for. So I can only assume that he just wants me for sex. The thing is though when I did mention to him once a while back that maybe that's all he wanted and he got really upset with me. It could've been an act but it seems to me that a guy who's trying to lie about something like that wouldn't get angry but would try to gently convince me otherwise. But then again he also gets upset when he wants me to be intimate with him and I tell him no because of his gf. He gets quiet and angry like it's all my fault which makes me think again that he just wants a little dangerous exciting sex on the side. I wish I could make him injest some sodium pentothal or something. It's so frustrating and so painful.

You know when I was younger I never used to cry, ever. That was, until, I started dating...so yea...may the advice pour in!

[FullofSighs]

Forget him, move on, find someone else. Even if he did leave his current gf, he wouldn't deserve you, and just cheat on you and you'll end up hurt anyway.

[Kit Kat]

Yea I know...

Not to sound like I want pity or anything like that but like I said before I have no one I can talk to so I guess you're all my new friends^^

The reason I decided to do this was because I was in my dance class with some friends and that day had been hard with him. He'd been ignoring me and everyone else and then suddenly his gf showed up and he rushed to her side and they walked off together like they do everyday at that time. It killed me but like I usually do, I kept it all inside.

That day in class, another friend of mine, who had been wanting desperately to get back with her ex, who she still loved so much, had him returned her feelings and now they're going to get back together. I was very happy for her but partly I was mad at her. I know I was just feeling jealous but I didn't show it of course and just pretended to be excited. Feeling happy and playful, she decided to jump over me. I lifted up too soon and as she jumped over me doing a mid-air splits, her foot happened to hit my head. It didn't hurt, I hardly felt it, but it set me off and I just broke down there crying hysterically. They had to take me to the nurse thinking I'd had some kind of mental breakdown.

So here I am.

[masalachip]

that brings me a question of how and why u started off with him?
and what decision have you made so far?

i could not exactly figure our his intention to find you at first. but to guys it always doesnt hurt to have more girls around them. they like to play. that's how i felt. though i know how you feel exactly as im in the same trashy situation,eventually we gota find our own happiness.

[Kit Kat]

We've known each other for a long time. He was a friend's bf at the time (of course she's a really ****ing bitch now and I hate her but that's another story^^) and we had a very weak friendship since we didn't talk often. But then he had this horrible break up with her that was almost exactly like that one thing with Ross and Rachel from Friends WE WERE ON A BREAK!!! He was kinda rebuilding from that and we had this amazing two hour long talk over everything and we probably would've kept on talking but I had to leave. He told me that was the day he fell in love with me but that was before he started dating his current gf. I never knew he felt that way, he never even showed it and he didn't even try and ask me out which only confuses me more.

I've decided to give up on him. Actually I've decided to give up on love in general, or at least for a very long time, we'll see how it goes. I can tell he doesn't love me, at least that's the impression I get, and I just wanted to get other people's perspective.

[kms]

Love is a wild, uncontrollable thing. Sometimes we end up loving the stupidest, most hurtful, undeserving people... yet somehow we fall into it even though our brains tell us not to. One thing I wish someone had told me when I was younger was that love is actually just some chemicals in our body, which fade over time. In fact, we can be attracted to people simply because of their smell (unconsciously). Attraction is never based on anything real - like a person's personality - but is purely biological. Knowing this now definitely helps whenever I feel a flicker of attraction starting to rise up inside me. It's easier to dismiss it knowing it's just a chemical thing and not something fated or magical or God's will even.

You seem like a genuine, caring person, and you deserve to have someone give the exact same back to you, with their full, complete attention. You deserve that. Don't waste your time, your love, and tears on someone who is way beneath you. He's just using you and is feeding you lines to keep you around. If he fell in love with you during that conversation, he would have acted on it. If he really cares about you now, he would break it off with his girlfriend and stop hiding his fling with you. He's hiding it because he knows it's wrong and he doesn't want you to affect his life in any way (except to raise his self-esteem and make him feel like he's a player). You don't need that. You're wasting your life when there could be someone even better just around the corner.

[CocoChanel]

Am I the only one noticing the many contradictions this female has made in her post? You don't want him to leave his girlfriend, you don't want to hurt his girlfriend, yet when agrees with you by not condoning it... you're upset with him? You expect for him to show you affection around other people? You are mistress, one that he does not have feelings for. Get over it and move on.

[kms]

Having contradicting feelings is a normal part of life. It's the stuff movie plot lines thrive on, lol. She cares about her friend and her happiness, yet at the same time she has feelings of her own. It's completely possible to feel happy and sad at the same time, excited but nervous, etc.

[CocoChanel]

That goes without saying... but that doesn't make her any better than him in this situation.

[Kit Kat]

I think your missing what I'm trying to say Cocochanel about affection. I don't mean wanting him to run over and kiss me in public declaring his love for me in front of everyone. I mean like friendly affection like hugs or a least a smile. I should've used a different word that's my fault but I guess you were to lazy to read the rest of the post when I said that when we're around anyone else he acts slightly cruel to me, like he hates me or is angry with me. Yes I don't want him to break up with his gf because I know how much she really cares for him but the fact that it never crossed his mind, the fact that even though he told me he loves me he has firmly stated he isn't going to leave her is what hurts so much. Of course I'm upset with him I'm in love with him and he treats me like nothing. Should I be damned and go to hell for my feelings? Should I become a hard shell of emotionlessness? That's basically what you're saying I should do. I'm not some trashy mistress he ****s in the next room. We barely even hug anymore. And don't call me a "female" as if I am some creature who isn't even human.

[CocoChanel]

I think your missing what I'm trying to say Cocochanel about affection. I don't mean wanting him to run over and kiss me in public declaring his love for me in front of everyone. I mean like friendly affection like hugs or a least a smile. I should've used a different word that's my fault but I guess you were to lazy to read the rest of the post when I said that when we're around anyone else he acts slightly cruel to me, like he hates me or is angry with me. Yes I don't want him to break up with his gf because I know how much she really cares for him but the fact that it never crossed his mind, the fact that even though he told me he loves me he has firmly stated he isn't going to leave her is what hurts so much. Of course I'm upset with him I'm in love with him and he treats me like nothing. Should I be damned and go to hell for my feelings? Should I become a hard shell of emotionlessness? That's basically what you're saying I should do. I'm not some trashy mistress he ****s in the next room. We barely even hug anymore. And don't call me a "female" as if I am some creature who isn't even human.

Okay so should I call you a male? You are a female I hope?

If you don't consider yourself a mistress then what do you call yourself to him then... a girl he kisses and says he loves without ever showing it? Just face it... you are the CHICK on the side that he just trying to bone and move on. You are just making that tough for him and he might even think you are being a tease. Either way he doesn't owe you anything just like you don't owe him some nookie. So just get over it, him and move on with someone who doesn't have a girlfriend and that wants to do more than just smash and crash.

[Kit Kat]

You could call me a girl, a woman, a chick even. And again like I've already said a couple times I don't kiss him anymore. I haven't kissed him in a long time. I don't tease him, I don't tell him I love him anymore and he doesn't really to me anymore either. It might as well be as it was before he told me he loved me. And I know he probably just wants to **** me and I've already decided to give up on him. It's just hard because I do love him very much. I want him to love me and be with me. You can understand that right? How painful it is when not only does the person you love not love you back but they pretend to just to get some ass on the side...

[CocoChanel]

You could call me a girl, a woman, a chick even. And again like I've already said a couple times I don't kiss him anymore. I haven't kissed him in a long time. I don't tease him, I don't tell him I love him anymore and he doesn't really to me anymore either. It might as well be as it was before he told me he loved me. And I know he probably just wants to **** me and I've already decided to give up on him. It's just hard because I do love him very much. I want him to love me and be with me. You can understand that right? How painful it is when not only does the person you love not love you back but they pretend to just to get some ass on the side...

Honestly... I only understand that if it was just that. Not... Being in love with a boy who has a girlfriend and doesn't love me back. That is a completely different story. I wouldn't want to be in love with someone who is capable of cheating on me. I would be doing my best to get over him. I understand that you don't see yourself as a mistress but that is how HE sees you and trust me... no male is going to leave the good thing he has for the mistress unless the girlfriend finds out and he has no choice.

[Kit Kat]

You think I don't know that? I know all he sees me as is a piece of ass but I can't help who I love. It seems to me that love doesn't mean very much to you or you've never been in love or you've never been in a hard love kind of senario. I can't just turn feelings off it isn't that easy. And its not like I went to him while he was dating her and told him how I felt. The exact opposite actually he came to me. I never would've told him anything like that. It was him that started all this shit, not me.

[vashti]

I think most people fall for someone completely inappropriate at one point or another. The important thing is that you recognize this relationship for what it really is, which is nothing, and you need to do your grieving, and then move on. Even if he DID leave his girlfriend for you, you would always have to worry about what he is doing when you aren't around.

BTW - the reason he is cruel to you in public is because he is afraid of what you might say to his girlfriend.

Maybe you should find some new people (in a different circle) to hang around with so you can get over it.