In doubt

[theobromine]

Hi people. I'm new here, so I'll cut to the proverbial chase.

I met this girl in June. She spent two nights on my couch, needing a place to crash while on vacation and having found me through a hospitality network. We bonded nicely over those three days, but nothing came of it. I was mildly interested, but felt I would be abusing my position as host by acting on my feelings, which weren't overpowering anyway.

Since this fall, we've been living in the same city. She was already here, and I moved here to pursue a graduate degree. I've seen her three times since August. The first time, she asked me out for brunch/coffee, and we went for a long walk afterwards, talking freely. I didn't see her again for another month and a half, due to my being busy and a trip abroad. Eventually, she contacted me and we agreed to go see a movie (which she picked, and was fabulous). I had a good time, but didn't sense anything that would indicate intentions beyond friendship.

Last week, she invited me over to her place for Saturday, to make good on a promise to teach me merengue. I ended up spending twelve hours with her - dancing, talking, going to dinner, a walk, listening to music, etc. Still, I'm not convinced she wants anything from me. She says she's an extroverted girl and "one of the guys".

Mixed signals abound, and I'm finding myself going over everything to figure out what she's thinking. The logical thing to do would be asking her, but I'm shy, and I get the feeling she might be as well, though we've already had thorough relationship talks; just not about our own relationship.

Am I being completely daft here?

EDIT: Oh, and we're going to a movie tonight, the first outing I've been the one to initiate. I plan on being frank, but I needed to vent so I don't lose it in the meantime.

[theobromine]

Ugh... I completely dropped the ball on Saturday, didn't I? I'm sure by now I've been pigeonholed as just another buddy, or gay, or meek, or worse.

[Chupacabras]

I think you may still be okay. Girls like her, with the big personalities, tend to have a horrible time with men as they get thrown into the friend zone almost by default (the frustration of which she shared with you).

If you really want to redeem yourself, get to touching her (look up kino touching) and if she's responsive, the vital end of date kiss.

I generally advise guys in the situation you describe to cut bait, but being interested in the "just one of the guys" girl has its own unique problems and solutions... I say put your heart on your sleeve and go for it!

[theobromine]

Yeah, I think you're right. The time for subtlety has whooshed by. She's probably decided I'm not interested, since that's what she's used to. The thing is, she's pretty and intelligent, so I'm not sure how she's gotten to this point where she believes guys simply aren't interested. She's had her share of boyfriends, but they haven't been great, according to her. I genuinely enjoy her company, and I think I'll just go Honest(TM) on her.