Counselling how should I proceed?

[Sonrisa]

Oh please.

I ignore Dopey 'cause he trails my threads to make fun... Have I disregarded good advice and support here? Nope only yourself and Dopey's that's all.

Note the part you pick out in red, (as if I'm too blind to have known what I wrote). I wish I hadn't said anything to my partner, specifically.

And how has been my advice not worthy of your attention? are you saying i gave you bad advice or is it somehow inferior to everyone else's advices?

[girl68]

And how has been my advice not worthy of your attention? are you saying i gave you bad advice or is it somehow inferior to everyone else's advices?

You got my attention... but yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. EDIT: I got you confused with someone else. However, I don't think you *actually* gave any advice, you asked one question- which I answered.


Of course I am entitled to my own opinion regarding your advice as are you of my person. One comment specifically comes to mind. I believe I have already responded appropriately to that.

[doppelgaenger]

I don't trail your threads, I have much better things to do than try to annoy the piss out of you, so don't please yourself. My advice was sincere and from experience. You're a ****ing fool to ignore that. However, if you want to be a trial and error mouse, be my guest. Don't say I didn't warn you when realize you wasted your time, your money, and possibly a relationship.

[Sanctuary]

Don't say I didn't warn you when realize you wasted your time, your money, and possibly a relationship.

I think I made a previous post about this where I agreed with dopp.

I take back what I said.

Therapy doesn't work on people that don't want to be helped.

But, if you really want to be helped, chances are that therapy will improve your situation and outlook even if it's just by placebo effect.

So if that's what you want - things to get better - go ahead and give it a try.

[vashti]

It's probably only surprise that made your BF react that way, girl. Honestly, I don't believe any guy who says they want to hear you bitch on and on and on about the same old thing, especially when they have no intention of changing. Let your BF be annoyed. It won't kill him, and will probably only be short lived anyway.,

[girl68]

realize you wasted your time, your money, and possibly a relationship.

First of all it's free, so kiss my ass. Second of all an hour once a month can't hardly be "wasting time". Third, I'm not going to dump him and he isn't going to dump me. From that ^ believe what you'd like.

Son- where in the hell have I conveyed I don't want to be helped. Just because I'm not taking ONE person's advice hardly makes me "not wanting to get help". Thanks for coming.

[vashti]

(just ignore him, girl!)

[IndiReloaded]

Hey Girl,

Not ignoring your update, just nothing new to say at this point. See how it goes Thurs.

[girl68]

It's probably only surprise that made your BF react that way, girl. Honestly, I don't believe any guy who says they want to hear you bitch on and on and on about the same old thing, especially when they have no intention of changing. Let your BF be annoyed. It won't kill him, and will probably only be short lived anyway.,

I agree. Thanks. While we were talking I was hesitating to tell him the real reason (porn related shit) becasue we've had the fight tons of times. He kind of forced it out of me then started to "talk" about it again. I had to stop him tell him nothing more can be said between us that will make it any different. I needed something more, something else... and we left it at that. But thanks.

FYI I bought a book that someone suggested.

[starbuck]

I seem to have missed this thread, so I'm a little bit late, but I think counselling is a perfectly fine way of dealing with any perceived issues.

Some of us don't have friends or family we can turn to, or for other reasons, would not want to. For example, my mother's an excessive worrier. She doesn't need to know my problems since she worries enough about me even when I'm doing fine. Not that I gloss over everything, but she doesn't need to know the details.

If you feel like reading another book, I've always found the cognitive therapy book called "Feeling Good" to be quite helpful when I can't quite train my mind into thinking more positively about things for whatever reason. It's technically for people with depression, but works quite well for all sorts of problems, like perfectionism, for example.

[IndiReloaded]

I had to stop him tell him nothing more can be said between us that will make it any different. I needed something more, something else... and we left it at that.

Are you going to break up? B/c if someone told me this^, and meant it, that's where I'd be heading.

Hate to say it, Girl, you won't like it but this is what I mean about the problems of children coming from divorced homes. You don't know how to negotiate.

Discuss this with your counsellor. You cannot say the things you do and hope for a positive outcome in your relationship.

[girl68]

I may have said a lot here, but much has been left unsaid. Yes, I know how to negotiate, we have compramised hugely on the issue. So you can assume I don't negotiate as you have, but you really aren't aware of just how much I have compramised.

So becasue he can't give me the help I think I need, he should break up with me? I think that's a bit much. Thankfully he disagrees with you.

I have had a long term serious relationship before and these problems were no exsistent. Divorce has nothing to do with it.

Are you going to break up? B/c if someone told me this^, and meant it, that's where I'd be heading.

Hate to say it, Girl, you won't like it but this is what I mean about the problems of children coming from divorced homes. You don't know how to negotiate.

Discuss this with your counsellor. You cannot say the things you do and hope for a positive outcome in your relationship.

[IndiReloaded]

I suspect you have a history of delivering these types of 'closing' statements. Your statement to him leaves no opportunity for improvement or negotiation. So why would any self-respecting person carry on with someone like this?

You didn't understand my point. He doesn't break up b/c he didn't take you seriously. Carry on down that path and he certainly will. You need to edit your mouth, to be blunt about it. No person 'owes' help to another. You have no right to be pissed at him b/c you aren't getting what you need. Statements of the sort you make are beyond rude and destructive to a relationship.

I disagree with your divorce comment. I've seen loads of women like you. You think your hurt and issues take precedence over being a decent human being to someone who has *chosen* to put up with your shit. Yes, you should be thankful. I'm glad you realize this.

Anyway, you've got a deep navel to examine & a counsellor to help. Happy Caving.

[Sonrisa]

yep, Indi, i think this is her way of telling you to STFU. she has no issues. her boyfriend is perfect, she knows how to negotiate and "compramise". quit butting in with your insensitive divorce comparisons.

[girl68]

So let me get this straight it is perfectly healthy to have the same fight, time and time again? I disagree. Nothing more can be said by either of us to help the other understand, forgive, get over or whatever. So what the hell is the point of getting into it AGAIN? There isn't. It is what works for us. Suspect what you like about me and "closing statements".

I am getting what I need- from him. You've said your peice you know everything about divorced children, sorry I forgot about that!