telling a woman how I feel about her

[skratchmo]

So my ex of 3 years ago (fall 2006) has come back into my life recently. We dated while we were in college and she broke up with me. We have never been on bad terms. We still talked after we broke up and she even brought up being friends with benefits at one point. However, she did stress the point of no feelings being involved. I still had feelings for her so at the time I wasn't really pursuing the benefits. I knew it wouldn't be a good situation for me. A year later (fall 2007) she graduated and moved away for work. We both went back to back to grad school this semester and we have all the same classes together, talk all the time and hang out outside of school. I have always had feelings for her but since we've been spending time together again they have intensified. During the past semester she has said some things and acted like she may want to be more than just friends and she has also said some things and acted like she wants to be just friends. I can't really tell where I stand with her. I'm not sure the best way to approach the situation and find out how she feels about me.

I don't know if I should just be completely up front and tell her how I feel about her and ask her about giving us a second chance. To me that kinda seems like I would be putting her on the spot. I've also thought about just asking her out on a date and gauging her reaction to that. Also, her birthday is coming up and I got her a gift and a card. I wrote something in the card that, in not so many words, tells her how I feel about her. I'm hoping that will start up a conversation and I can see where things go from there.

So I guess my question is, as a female, how would you prefer a guy to tell you how he feels about you? Straight and to the point? Ask you out on a date? Or maybe something else?

[skratchmo]

wow...no advice in two forums. Do I ask stupid questions or something? If so, I should at least get a stupid answer right?

All I'm asking for is a little advice about telling a girl how I feel about her. The straight and to the point way where I lay it all out for her and ask her what she's thinking or the more indirect approach of asking her out to dinner etc.

[afterhourz]

Id like to know this as well.

[bloodtippedrose]

personally if I dumped a guy, then I would want to move on with my dating experiences. Id only ask the guy to be friends with benefits if I was horny between dates. Which youre right, is a REALLY bad idea when there feelings involved. Its sounds like when she dumped you she let you down really easy. Why are you still pursuing her? she dumped you.
I think youre wasting your time with her personally, If you ask her out shes gonna be coy but tell you NO and if you keep pursing her without saying anything shes going to play stupid and continue to date around.
Its best to tell her flat out how you feel so theres no "what if's.." going on in your head. the sooner you do that the sooner she can say no way and the sooner you can move on and find another girl like you should have in '06.

[skratchmo]

personally if I dumped a guy, then I would want to move on with my dating experiences. Id only ask the guy to be friends with benefits if I was horny between dates. Which youre right, is a REALLY bad idea when there feelings involved. Its sounds like when she dumped you she let you down really easy. Why are you still pursuing her? she dumped you.
I think youre wasting your time with her personally, If you ask her out shes gonna be coy but tell you NO and if you keep pursing her without saying anything shes going to play stupid and continue to date around.
Its best to tell her flat out how you feel so theres no "what if's.." going on in your head. the sooner you do that the sooner she can say no way and the sooner you can move on and find another girl like you should have in '06.

Yea that all makes sense. I haven't been sitting around pining away for her for 3 years either. I have dated other girls in between that time. She was, to use a cliche, the one who got away. That's why I want to see if there's anything there.

She has told me that I was a big reason she moved back to go back to school. She has also talked about going on trips together and wanting to go to my hometown and see my house and some other stuff. Those are the things that make me think she wants to be more than friends and that's why I'm trying to pursue her.

[VioletB]

Will you regret it forever if you don't go for it?

[skratchmo]

Yes, I definitely will regret it if I don't say something. I'm just debating on HOW I'm gonna say it.

[bloodtippedrose]

you have to be careful, maybe she knew you treated her good and missed the attention. now shes looking for attention but not the commitment. possibly. Dont get attached until you know her intentions and let her tell you what they are.

[skratchmo]

I'm trying not to get too atached right now but to be honest it's kind of hard.

Her birthday is coming up this Saturday. I am leaving to go home for Thanksgiving on Wednesday. She said she wants to stop by and see me before I go. I am going to ask her then if she wants to go out for dinner to celebrate her birthday. I'm gonna keep it casual so it doesn't come off sounding like a date. If the answer is yes then I'm going to give her the gift and card I bought for her on Saturday. I'll use the card to start up a conversation and tell her how I feel about her and in turn find out how she feels about me. Now there's a chance she might say no to dinner due to some personal problems she's been having lately which is understandable. If that's the case I'll just give her the gift and card on Wednesday before I leave and find out then.

Hopefully things fall in my favor but I know we don't live in a movie script so i know there's an equal chance of them not. At least I'll know I tried and I won't be wondering anymore.

[skratchmo]

I would like one piece of advice before I do this. After I tell her how I feel about her should I just flat out ask if she has ever thought about giving us a second chance? That's the part I'm not sure about. I'm kind of leaning towards just telling her and then seeing how she responds. Depending on her response then I'll ask her about giving us a second chance.

[IndiReloaded]

Don't drop bombs out of the blue, that would freak anyone out. Remember: you've been thinking about this for a while. She probably hasn't.

I would ask her out as friends. For 'old times sake'. If she reciprocates at all, she will say yes. If she does, that's your chance to tell her your admiration and see what pings. Or not.

Good luck.

[rateyes]

well, for me personally, im in the same situation, but not with a ex. Just a girl ive been getting to know, and starting to like. If you ask the question they have to answer, if you dont, they can avoid it. If this puts to much pressure on them, and makes them uncomfortable, i dont know, im not experienced enough to tell you

so personally, i would ask her how shes feeling towards you. Then unless shes says friends without hesitation or seems distance with saying it, ask her how a second chance would be in the future. how she feels now may not be how she feels in the future, so it may be necessary to ask both.

but im not to experienced, so make my advice with caution.