Tomorrow is the day that I will be tested, like many men(and women) have before me. Up until this point in my life, I have never done this before. Never before, have I told a girl that I liked/had feelings for her. I am in college, and have been to many parties. Im only used to drinking, followed by just hooking up with other drunk girls. Classy, eh?
The anticipation has been killing me all week. At first, we had a really good plan for an entire day. However, due to unusual circumstances, and the fact that she is heading back home in a few days and due to time restraints, we can only hang out in the morning/afternoon (as opposed to the afternoon/night which would have been much better in my opinion).
Basic history on me and this girl, we met about a year ago. Talked a lot on facebook/myspace, and have hung out quite a few times. I still don't know how she feels about me though. I have always looked for clues in body language, whether positive or negative, and usually it was just very... neutral. She laughs at almost anything remotely funny I say, however. And doesn't really seem to mind it when I am sitting close to her. I've seen a lot of girls instantly move away when I sit next to them etc.. so that may be a good sign I suppose?
We're going on a pretty long hike tomorrow. At least 3 hours. It's a really awesome hike, with really nice lakes/ponds with waterfalls to swim in. We both really love hiking, so I think it was a good place to go with her.
Now up until this point, I was planning on telling her after our hike, back when we're at my house(which is pretty close to the hike). However, since the schedule was changed to morning/afternoon instead, I think I may have to tell her on the hike instead now. I don't know how i'm going to tell her. As said before, I have never done this before and am afraid that I will ruin the one chance I have at doing things right.
I am definitely putting this up on a pedestal, but don't we all when we anticipate things too much? One part of me is saying, "she is the most damned beautiful girl i have ever seen, and there's no way shed like me", while the other side is saying "she's a human being just like everyone else, just as imperfect, and vulnerable as you".
Regardless of which side I listen to, i'm going to tell her either way. And I am going to try my best to assert my confidence, and be a man when I do it. Normally, i'd just go for a kiss. But like I said, I have no clue is she likes me or not. If I had at least something to work with, i'd probably go for it without thinking twice.
In the end, the universe has a plan for the both of us. And i'm about to find out if our paths were meant to converge into more then just friendship. If things go south, then the universe simply has a better plan out there for me. And yes, I will be pretty sad and disappointed if this is the outcome. I've been rejected by girls several times before, however I have never liked someone this much before. Usually, it was because of looks, or something one-dimensional. Not only is this girl gorgeous, but she has a very strong and defined personality that I really like. A golden aura if you will. But damn, it would really make my day if I could actually date this girl.
If there anything else I can do to prepare? Someone please help me