am I a complete psychopath, or just a little bit?

[vancouver]

Well, I did something very borderline, and I wonder if that happened to somebody else.
Basically a long time ago I met this guy, he was sooo nice and honest and everything, we were friends and one day he said he had a lot of feelings for me, so I accepted him as more of a friend.
It turned out that in fact he was obsessed with pornography, suggested a threesome on the third date, and that he never had a real relationship in his life, and he didn't want to have a relationship with me, but keep me on a string for his needs.
The thing that really shocked me was that all this happened within a religious community (!) (I am not that religious, but I happened to be in that circle) and that he uses that to reinforce his image of a good guy. What's more, after me he kept picking up girls, also like me not into porn and mistaken by his so honest looks, and trying to do the same he had done with me.

Well, this is my psycho behavior: whenever I saw a new acquaintance of him on facebook that fits the profile (extremely pretty, living in another country or city because he can't stand the commitment of being too close etc) I wrote to them. Two answered, thanking me, and both saying that their intuition warned them against the creep (I clearly have no intuition) and another, who was probably shagging him, didn't answer.
I noticed today that the guy took himself off Facebook, and that made me wonder: have I been doing an act of justice, by warning those girls, or am I just off my rocker, and a cyber-stalker?
any opinion?

[bluesummer]

Yeah, you need to stop doing that, it's very creepy. If someone random chick from facebook was sending me messages with regards to some guy, I'd think they were obsessive. The response would likely be cold or not very kind.

Look, you know he's a creepbag, so why bother? He's not your problem anymore, and it just makes it look like you still have some sort of interest in him, since you're going to all these great lengths to do what you feel is a 'public service'. Let the other girls figure it out on their own.

[vancouver]

Actually those girls where both very nice. If somebody had been so nice to warn me, before that happened to me, I would have thanked them too. But yeah, I stopped. And yes, I was obsessive, I got a severe depression and a lot of therapy because of that.

[lilly1185]

That is some serious creeper behaviour. Would you *really* have listened if some stranger sent you a message on facebook and said "Hey, this guy is a tool."? In all honesty?

Doubtful.

ALL women have intuition it's just a matter of if they listen to it or not. Desparation can make you ignorant to many things.
Get a hobby, get a job, and get over him. It's his decision to string along a plethora of girls, someone in the religious group will find him out eventually, he'll confess and pray and do it all again in secret.

And the women will come and go. You need to be in the group that goes.

[Chupacabras]

Yeah, don't do that.

[Petit Papillon]

I got to deal with a girl like You,and she put me into all those games. She even didn't leave me alone when I called her stupid cunt or whatever. SHE EVEN WROTE ME MESSAGES FROM MY EX AFTER I BROKE WITH MY EX AND BLOCKED HIM!!SHE EVEN CREATED A FAKE PERSON TO TALK TO ME!! I even suspect she's here on LF.And my worst mistake was... To say thanks to her in the end... Now she doesn't leave me alone (already 1 year after i broke up with my ex).She think she has found a friend.We don't talk about my ex. And I just don't want to be rude and say that we're not friends and that I don't even know her.Actually she's unpredictible :/

PS. Yes and You're a psycho plus psycho magneto - Such guys don't happen to normal girls :/

[Gigabitch]

I didn't see anything you mentioned being actually illegal. He asked you to involve yourself in a three-way, he didn't kidnap you and three-way rape you.

Because of that, you need to leave him alone. He's doing his thing, you do yours. You'd be surprised how many people in religious communities are really into that sort of thing.

[Primo]

Unless you gave birth to them, let these women use their own judgement as to wanting to get involved with him. Find something else to do with your spare time.

[vancouver]

OK, perhaps I didn't explain the situation properly. At the time I had just discovered I had cancer (now almost out of it) I was in and out of hospital, and he was there for me, until he actually had sex with me, at that point he started being really strange, giving completely mixed messages, until I just said that I was too sick to deal with that and told him to disappear. After that he pestered me for FOUR months, with emails, sms, etc, saying that he was totally in love with me (!) and when finally I accepted meeting him he again said that he wasn't sure.
So, I am not just a pissed ex girlfriend, Petitt-Papillon, and of course when I wrote to somebody I was extremely respectful and offering links to the book "Men who can't love". 100% no games, (friends with the girls he was shagging? Yuck, sick) I wasn't in for that, simply one short message " I see you are going out with XY, please if you notice anything strange read that book. I was hurt immensely etc etc"
So it's not a matter of threesome or not, to each his/her own, but a matter of taking advantage of the despair of a sick person.
Sorry I didn't write it in the beginning, in fact what I wrote in the first post gives a really different impression.

By the way I got a job, changed city etc but still have been crying every single day for an incredibly long time, because I really trusted him to be a good person.

[Disillusioned]

If you choose to be the self-appointed ethical adjuster and advanced creep warning system I think you're being sanctimonious. He can't be completely responsible for the impression you got of him. I imagine you make a lot of assumptions to validate your points and your uncertainty testifies to it. Let him be a creep. It's his choice. If you want to keep being a creep, that's your choice. Just remember that nobody has a monopoly on objectivity and the more emotion involved in your decisions, the more biased your opinion will be. I, personally, would get very vindictive back and gather evidence for a case of defamation of character or harassment. If you think you're done with therapy, I disagree. If you still go, keep it up.

"If you squeel on us, we'll squeel on you. It's the ninja code"

[Primo]

I'm sorry about your health issues, but am glad to hear you're coming out on top !

That being said, it's obvious you're still jilted. What you did was wrong and you're trying to rationalize it...if you haven't stopped taking it upon yourself to warn the female population of this man, please do so. There's no 'good' way to spin it vancouver.

Ever hear the saying one man's trash is another man's treasure? These women can decide for themselves what they do or do not want. Focus on your health and yourself, on finding someone new instead of monitoring what this guy is doing. You'll be much happier.

[Illusional]

psycho!!! wait, can i have your number?

raverboy

[Amena]

I hope you're over the guy! I've also liked someone (for almost 10 years) who seems so amazingly wonderful, but I wonder how many other women he's involved with...I am now starting to have some negative feelings for him, but am not cured!
Don't focus too much on the thought of being a psYcho, though; try to get involved in pleasant activities and time should liberate you from that jigalo!

[misombra]

i'm gonna go ahead and say complete psychopath.