OK, full version of the shy guy post

[lilsunflower]

I posted a thread asking whether that guy is shy or he doesn't like me. In the previous post I said I would play it cool and just let it go, but that's hard because I like him and I really want to give us one more chance. Now I am writing this long long post to tell the whole story of me with this guy.

About 2 weeks ago a friend told me a friend of him, who I worked with 6 months ago, was interested in me.

He added me facebook, which he rarely uses, and invited me to coffee. I did have coffee with him but did not show much interest when he hinted on spending more time together with me. However, I gave my online account to him, hoping we could talk more online, which we did not. According to my friend, he never chats online and his cell does not get texts.

I had lunch with him the next day. He was nice, but I was withhold. I paid for our lunch before he pulled his wallet out. After lunch, I said goodbye to him and then went to the library, took a nap on the couch. When I woke up in the middle, I noticed that he put a blanket on me and was about to leave. (He saw me sleeping on the couch and got a blanket from his office, which is nearby) He apologized for waking me up and it was so cute of him. Every time I think about it, my heart melts.

I was very proud and since he did not show enough affection (did not talk much online and stuff), I did not show it either. And I was thinking maybe the whole thing was a joke. Now I recall it, I think I must have already liked him so I did something stupid. I told his friend that I did not like him and tried to set him up with another girl. Shoot me please.I was so dumb

So the friend suggested him to meet another girl and showed pictures of that girl and he said ok. As soon as my friend agreed on that plan, I regretted and felt soooo bad about the whole thing. I kept thinking about him putting a blanket on me and felt my world collapsed. I called him for the third date and met him before he went to Gym, which was 5 mins away from my home. I told him about the whole thing and apologized. I asked him he if liked me for real he said yes. I told him I loved to spend time with him and I liked him a little bit, maybe not enough to date him right away, but we should hang out, and at least be friends.

He apologized for failing my test (agreed on meeting the other girl). I told him it wasn't a test but he was so sure about it. I thought about it afterward, he was right. I was a idiot.

one day later, I emailed him said I missed him and asked me to give me a call. In that email, I also mentioned that I wanted to see a movie with him. He called me 24 hours later said he just returned from his interview and did not check his email. He asked me if I wanted to do something. I was busy that night so I said I had something to do but after hung up the phone I really wanted to see him so I called him back and asked if he could take me out. He said he really wanted to go to the Gym and asked me if I would like to go with him. I said I did not feel like working out, maybe he can meet me before or after Gym. It was at about 6pm.
He picked me up at 9:30pm, and we saw a movie. I noticed that he did not go to gym that night. I grabbed his arm during the movie. The first time was when the movie got creepy, 2nd time was just me wanting to encourage him.
He did not respond. of course I was disappointed. I thought at least we could hold hands.
He drove me back. I got off the car, waited for him to leave. He asked me to go in first and he would wait and watch me go in. So sweet right? I walked up, gave him a hug, and walked back to my apartment. It was Wed.

And Friday I saw him again, he did not ask me out.
I like him because all the nice little things he did, put a blanket on me, watched me go away, and insisted paying all the time. I always offer to pay for myself and the guys on my dates, and so far very few guys turned down my offer and some even took advantage of it (my last almost-bf-guy had so many free dinner from me and he would sit and watch me pay YUKE).

Things I find suspicious about this guy is he does not call me, or email me, although he is sweet on our dates. He just hasn't been passionate since the very beginning.

I am thinking maybe he stopped liking me after that "test incident" or he just did not like me from the beginning? Or maybe I turned down his invites many times so he thinks I do not like him?

Please help. I have a lot of work to do but I cannot stop thinking about him. Please tell me he does not like me or things I found sweet are total BS, so I can move on and concentrate on my work. Or is he a good guy and what I did was really mean and I should do something to make it up to him? Please help

[Sanctuary]

He most likely still likes you. I'm pretty sure of it.

Instead of waiting for him to ask you out (probably because he's too shy), why don't you ask him out? If you really can't bring yourself to do it, just go up to him and say something like, "so when are we gonna hang out again?"

I told him I loved to spend time with him and I liked him a little bit, maybe not enough to date him right away, but we should hang out, and at least be friends.

What kinda bullshit is that? That will scare any shy guy away.

Things I find suspicious about this guy is he does not call me, or email me, although he is sweet on our dates. He just hasn't been passionate since the very beginning.

Because he's shy and afraid of making the wrong move.

[lilsunflower]

He most likely still likes you. I'm pretty sure of it.

Instead of waiting for him to ask you out (probably because he's too shy), why don't you ask him out? If you really can't bring yourself to do it, just go up to him and say something like, "so when are we gonna hang out again?"

I feel I have asked him so many times. 2nd lunch was my suggestion, 3rd talk was my suggestion, 4th movie was my suggestion, and our dates have never been well planned. It was me calling him, asking him to take me, and he showed up 2 hours after, before he went to gym. It seems he does not want to make it formal and romantic. What kind of guy will ask his crush to go work out with him?

What kinda bullshit is that? That will scare any shy guy away.

really? But I told him I liked him and I was implying on spending more time with him.

Because he's shy and afraid of making the wrong move.
I am afraid too, but I like him and I cannot help contacting him. Does that mean I like him more?

I almost cannot help asking him to join lunch with me tomorrow.

[Sanctuary]

Oh wow I didn't know you asked him out every single time. Ok gimme a moment.

Or maybe I turned down his invites many times so he thinks I do not like him?

How many times did you turn him down?

He did not respond. of course I was disappointed. I thought at least we could hold hands.

You didn't act disappointed did you? That might scare him.

To be honest, I think you act really defensively towards him (maybe because you've been hurt in the past, I don't know). But to him, it might come off as you being cold.

I almost cannot help asking him to join lunch with me tomorrow.

I agree. You like him too much to give up without knowing for sure whether he likes you or not.

This is from your other post which I just read:

I did turn down his invitations at the beginning, and that was why I grabbed him arm and offered him a goodbye hug during our 4th date. I think I have made it pretty obvious. and he is a smart guy, he should know.

I don't think you realize how dumb guys are lol. And guys that are book smart are not always socially smart.

[lilsunflower]

Oh wow I didn't know you asked him out every single time. Ok gimme a moment.



How many times did you turn him down?

Let me think. first he suggested we should do something and I said I was busy but I could study with him later he told my frd he was disappointed because I was using the "I am too busy" excuse. I was really busy though.

And 2nd time we had lunch. After lunch he asked me if I wanted coffee. Come one, who will drink coffee right after lunch?? but I said I would stay with him if he wanted coffee.

He asked me to work out with him...of course I had to turn it down. It was just very awkward.

He asked me to get coffee last Friday. I said it was my dinner time, and he immediate take it as ''no". I later asked him if he wanted to join dinner with me because I was starving, he said it was too early for him. 4:30pm, kinda...I guess

yeah, but that's almost all the requests he made. can't he have better ideas?

You didn't act disappointed did you? That might scare him.

Nope, I acted like I grabbed him the movie because I was into that movie.

To be honest, I think you act really defensively towards him (maybe because you've been hurt in the past, I don't know). But to him, it might come off as you being cold.

I was being cold. I did not want to make it clear that I like him without knowing he liked me so I can back up easily. There is a mutual friend involved, I do not want to become the girl who was rejected by the guy she likes.

[lilsunflower]

I don't think you realize how dumb guys are lol. And guys that are book smart are not always socially smart.

haha
He is 30, a lot older than I am. I shouldn't be the person who teaches him how to behave around a girl. And my dad is single, I see him dating women. Guys can be socially smart if they want to. They act like puppies around girls they like.

[Sanctuary]

and 2nd time we had lunch. After lunch he asked me if I wanted coffee. Come one, who will drink coffee right after lunch??

can't he have better ideas?

I don't think you realize how dumb guys are lol.

Lol I don't think he knows what he's doing but I'm pretty sure he likes you.

They act like puppies around girls they like.

This puppy is really shy. Go ask him out for lunch and give him some more encouragement and he'll open up sooner or later.

[ellie]

He probably still likes you but is afraid of getting hurt; you grabbing his arm and calling him and telling him you miss him probably isn't enough to convince him; when you set him up with the other girl his heart sank and he thought "I knew it, she's not interested in me" Or something... =) Yeah, I agree with what's said above; give him some encouragement and he'll open up.

After you rejected him he's afraid of making a move because he's afraid you'll turn him down. So for now, you'll have to take the lead.

=)

[lilsunflower]

He probably still likes you but is afraid of getting hurt; you grabbing his arm and calling him and telling him you miss him probably isn't enough to convince him; when you set him up with the other girl his heart sank and he thought "I knew it, she's not interested in me" Or something... =) Yeah, I agree with what's said above; give him some encouragement and he'll open up.

After you rejected him he's afraid of making a move because he's afraid you'll turn him down. So for now, you'll have to take the lead.

=)

cool, I rejected him and now I am the man....

[ellie]

Haha yeah sort of...

Well you just need to make it clear that you do like him and is not toying with him.
He probably just is confused about the signals you've been sending out.
Either just be patient and persistent and once he begins to relax around you, you can back off, and he'll take the lead.
Or maybe just tell him the truth that you made a mistake and were confused and that you do like him.

[lilsunflower]

Haha yeah sort of...

Well you just need to make it clear that you do like him and is not toying with him.
He probably just is confused about the signals you've been sending out.
Either just be patient and persistent and once he begins to relax around you, you can back off, and he'll take the lead.
Or maybe just tell him the truth that you made a mistake and were confused and that you do like him.

I called him today at 1:00pm but he did not pick up or call back. I guess I am not going to call him any more.

[Sanctuary]

Did you leave a message?

[lilsunflower]

Did you leave a message?

nope
Actually I only let it ring twice.

[Sanctuary]

Girl what the hell is wrong with you? lol

Not even Usain Bolt can answer that phone.

[lilsunflower]

Girl what the hell is wrong with you? lol

Not even Usain Bolt can answer that phone.

Even Stephen Hopkins can call back.