Broke up with my ex gf of 3 years, still in love with her 2 years later.

[JohnnyBeGood]

Just a little background information about me. I am 23 years old and graduate from college this coming May. I had a gf who I fell in love with early in our relationship. We started dating our senior year in high school and did great up until the beginning of our junior year in college. We both went to different schools a few hours away but the long distance thing never really bothered us. We were a great couple. We were both best friends and always enjoyed being around each other. Things went downhill though when my family went on vaction 3 summers ago. She didnt come with us.

My family and I, along with another family, went on vacation for a week during Summer 07. Now this other family has a daughter who is about my age and who I was always a little fond of. Well me and her kind of hit it off during that week and I felt like I had developed feelings for her. My thoughts during that time was that if Im having feelings for this other girl then it must not be true love that I have with my girlfriend. Feeling guilty about all of that, I decided that I should break up with my girlfriend and take some time to figure things out. I never told her about this other girl though which I feel like I should have but it ended up the things that went on between me and her was just a fling. Anyways she was devestated about the break up because it kind of came out of nowhere. I told her we should just take some time to ourselves and figure out if this is what we really want, and if things are meant to be then they are meant to be and everything will work out the way its supposed to.

She kept calling me, crying and asking why all this was happening. I tried telling her that I needed to figure things out and that its best if we not contact each other during this time. None of that ever happened though as she was always calling me or sending me texts and IMs. 2 or 3 months later we meet up during Thanksgiving break and hang out. Things go great and Im starting to think that I really enjoy being around her, and that I wouldnt mind getting back together with her. Well Thanksgiving goes by and we head back to school. I start calling her more often and we start talking more and more. One day she tells me, "You know you dont have to call me everyday if you dont really want to." and I tell her that I enjoyed spending time with her over break and that Id like to give things a second try. To my surprise actually she tells me that she wants her time now to figure things out. I was blown away by that and didnt really know how to handle it and looking back on it now, I actually handled it kind of immaturely- just spilling my heart out to her and interrogating her about why she wouldnt get back with me. Basically I broke down. Like I said I didnt know what to do so I just did everything I could think of, which ended up coming off as a little overwhelming to her.

I tried everything I could but she kept telling me that she just wanted her space for now. I didnt respect her wishes like I should have though and kept pushing to hang out with her. Christmas break rolls around and we both end up coming home for a month or so. We live like 15 min away from each other so I thought "great, this will allow us to hang out more often like we used to," but she keeps insisting that we shouldnt. I get her a present for Christmas and keep nagging her to hang out. She decides to come out with me for New Years Eve. We exchange kisses and everything is going great. She ends up drinking too much that night though and just unleashes all her anger at me with everything that has been going on. She said some pretty mean things that hurt but somehow I get her to calm down and go home. The next day she doesnt remember anything because she was blacked out and I just shrug it off as a drunken argument. Besides the argument, I thought everything had gone well but I still didnt understand why she wouldnt get back with me.

We head back to school again. I still keep nagging her with my nonsense and its just the same thing over and over again. Summer rolls around and I come home excited to maybe work things out with her. She came back for about a week and tells me that she is going to stay at school and work for the Summer. I am hurt about it but thats her decision so I cant really stop her. Turns out that same week that she is home, her younger sister's bf tells me that my ex gf has been dating another guy since Thanksgiving and thats why shes staying at school for the Summer. Im devestated about it and still am to this day. I confront her about it and she breaks down and admits it to me that she has been seeing this other guy . I didnt know what to say. Technically, me and her werent dating at the time so its not like she was cheating on me, but I just felt like I deserved to know that she was seeing someone else atleast. I had always asked her about it to see if thats why she wouldnt get back with me and she always told me no. I guess thats karma though. Again, I break down and do everything I can think of to get her back but nothing works. We exchanged IMs every now and then and met up like once or twice but I was never myself because in the back of my head I was always planning a way to get back with her and she knew that.

I called her one day and just broke down over the phone questioning her about everything that went on, hoping maybe I could get some closure out of all of this because it had been like 2 years since we broke up. That didnt really work though. I ask her if she really likes this guy and she says yes and that she loves him. So there I was, heartbroken again. We didnt really talk much since then and never saw each other.

Just this past Summer, I text her hoping we can meet up for lunch and catch up. She tells me that she doesnt think it would be appropriate because she is still with this guy and would feel more comfortable if we met with our group of friends to hang out. Thats fine with me. I planned everything out that I wanted to say to her. Well we meet up with our friends at this bar. I try to play it cool and act like I dont notice her. After being there for a couple hours, I am drunk and akwardly start a conversation with her. We laugh a little but could both tell that it was akward conversation. She decides to leave and in my drunken stooper, I decide that now is the time to say what I had planned to say. Of course that didnt go well and once again, I came off as the guy who still, after 2 years, isnt over the break up between him and his ex gf. I sent her a text the next day appologizing for all of it and just basically tell her that Im just not over what happened between us. She accepts that appology but tells me that maybe its just not the right time for us to be friends, which I understand. I havent talked to her since then (about 3 months I guess).

To simply put it, it just hurts. After being broken up for 2 years, Im still madly in love with this girl but she has a bf and there is nothing I can do about it. I took her for granted and I know I wasnt the best bf when we were together but I know what I did wrong now and would do anything in the world for a second chance with her. I just dont know what to do, or if I should even do anything at all. Ive looked to find love in other girls but I cant. I feel like I am never going to experience the same feeling that I felt with her in anybody else. Or that Im never going to trust any other girl the way I trusted her. Im just lost right now. I feel like the next stage in her life is to get married since she has already graduated and gotten a job. I just want a second chance with her before that happens.

Sorry for such a long post but what should I do? Is there anything I can do to get back with her or do I have to face the fact that I lost her and theres nothing I can do about it? If thats the case how do I get over her? I think the big thing about it, is that I have never gotten closure on it all. I would like to hear of anything I can do to get back with her before anything else but if you really think its done for then any advice on getting that closure that I need would help too.

Any advice is appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read it all.

[spaceboy409]

I am going through the same exact thing, I broke it off with my ex girlfriend cuz I felt like seeing other people, a month later I wanted her back, and by then she wanted her space.

I think we all want so bad what we cant have, when we have it, we dont realize what we havem when its gone, it kills us that we cant get it back.

I miss her so much, but what Ive realized, I miss how she used to be, we are different people now, and things will never be same.

Tho I am so far from over it, Im trying everyday just to put it behind me, and I think you need to do the same.

I know it hurts like hell, and you feel like you never will love again.

But you will, you will find someone else, and wonder how things ever got so bad.

[Creativejeanius]

Wow, this sounds a lot like what I went thought with an ex-girlfriend except we were together much longer. Like you I told her I wanted a break to sort things out in my own head. I was going to study abroad and I wanted the freedom to see other girls guilt free. Well when I told her she was pretty devastated but a few weeks into me being away she started talking about how she was hanging out with another guy. I told her I didnt want the break anymore but she insisted that she wanted it now.

To make a long story short we ended getting back together when we got home partially because she told me while I was there she hadn't slept with anyone else and was waiting for me to come home (and this was after I told her I didn't care anymore, to stop calling me and I would speak to her when we got home).

Anyway to make a long story short a few months later after we got back together she finds out that I cheated on her while we were together. After that she also accused me of "cheating" on her while I was abroad. I told her if she didn't want to be with em anymore I would understand, but she said she wanted to work things out. Well anyway, I went through a year of her acting like a whiney little bitch because the whole thing just totally consumed her. We just came to resent each other. Anyway she winds up breaking up with me after a string of really long ugly arguments.

All of a sudden I started to miss her and felt like I really loved her and lost somethgn great. We started talking again and even hung otu and things were great. But then I had to go away again. While i was gone we almost got back together again, but then I found out that she lied to me while I was away the first time and basically was having a relationship with this other guy. She lied to me about it for over a year and a half while dragging me through the mud for what I did and she couldn't even fess up to what had happened with her. ****ing spineless

Needless to say that killed any chance of us ever having anything again because here you have two people who cant trust each-other. I also found out she lied about other things too. It just got ugly form there.

We haven't spoken in about 2 months but I am still having a hard time getting over everything. I think I am over her, but sometimes I just get angry and think to myself "why did she have to do that." I also can't tell if I only miss her because I do not d anything else to fill that void in my life right now, or if I truly miss her. Guess time will tell....

Anyway, I think you should move on man. it seems like anytime you two talk one of you always winds up getting hurt. Would being with her truly make you happy at this point? Especially after she couldn't tell you the truth about her and the other guy? I know its hard but its really the only thing you can do. She is seeing someone else and if by some off chance she comes back to you, do you really think you will have a healthy functional relationship? Cut you losses man, stop seeing her, stop contacting her, move on and find someone new.

[JohnnyBeGood]

I guess its just hard because there was never really any closure to it all. When she was going through her whole thing, wanting time to herself, and after she had been dating this guy, she always said that if things are supposed work out in the future between us then they will. It was kind of like what she said left the whole thing open ended to me and I guess its kind of something Ive been hanging on to this whole time. I really dont know how to get rid of it. Lately Ive just been hoping that some girl will come across and completely blow my mind, but Ive been waiting for that for 2 years now. I mean come on haha how long does a brother have to wait?

Im not gonna lie, being back with her would make me the happiest person in the world, but I know for the time being that it cant happen. I want to be able to put it all behind me, but at the same time when I am over it all, I want her to see that I REALLY am over it all, and see me for who Ive become and not just some guy who is just trying to get back with her.

I just wish there was some type of magic answer that will tell me what I need to do to though. Its not like Im thinking about her all day every day. I try not to think of her at all as a matter of fact, but its like everytime I see a couple walking hand in hand through campus looking happy as can be, I think to myself "Man, that was you a while back." Or even sometimes at night Ill have a dream that me and her are back together and for that little moment in time, Im happier than Ive ever been. I want to be able to put it all behind me but its hard when stuff like that keeps happening.

I guess what Im trying to ask is how exactly do I get over her and put it all behind me? Is it just a "time heals all" type thing?

[Creativejeanius]

"If things are supposed work out in the future between us then they will."

My ex said the exact same thing. And if I wore a white suit and I sold buckets of fired chicken for a living I would be colonial Sanders, but I don't and I am not. She doesn't want things to work out with you and if she did she wouldn't be with the other guy. Just because she said that it doesn't she has inkling of a desire to work thing out.

What is it that you liked about THIS girl so much anyway. What is it that she has that you think no other woman can offer you? Why do you think you cannot be happy by yourself? Also ask yourself if this is a pride thing? DO you only no want her becasue you cant have her?

The first step in getting over her is accepting the fact that she is gone man. I'm not sure if you are ready to admit that

[cmacattack1]

I love when girls say that kind of thing. I got the "I still think you are the one, just not now. I need space. Focus on yourself." And focusing on yourself is the right thing to do, but who knows what truth is behind those words. It's like trying to get you to wait around so she has a cushion to fall back on in case it doesn't work. Something to feel safe.

And just because you get over her, doesn't mean that it won't work in the future. You don't want to get back with her, if anything you want to start a new relationship with her if that option was available. It's a tricky mentality to have but you really don't need her. You want her, but if she wasn't available, and she isn't, that's alright. Oh well. Life still moves on you know. To say that there is one person for us is crazy. It's a romantic concept in movies and books and stories that girls are raised on but its not very logical. I think there are many ones. And you want her to be your one right now, but who knows who you will meet tomorrow?

It's tough to have that mindset but if anything, it makes it easier. In the meantime, go out there and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal!

[no identity]

I think we all want so bad what we cant have, when we have it, we dont realize what we havem when its gone, it kills us that we cant get it back.

I miss her so much, but what Ive realized, I miss how she used to be, we are different people now, and things will never be same.

Tho I am so far from over it, Im trying everyday just to put it behind me, and I think you need to do the same.

I know it hurts like hell, and you feel like you never will love again.

But you will, you will find someone else, and wonder how things ever got so bad.

Firstly, it's a sad experience. But with that said, I think spaceboy hit the nail on the head with this one. I was in a similar situation, dating a girl of 3 years. She left me back in March for another guy but then wanted to get back together with me around June-July. I made the mistake of giving her a 2nd chance, she took advantage of it and left me for same guy again a week later. She wasn't sure what she wanted, and I have since decided to go no contact and haven't said a word to her since August.

It's a hard fought road to travel down, but you need to do it to heal yourself.
The couple of weeks we would hang out after we had been broken up for a couple months I realized how different she had become. It was like we had grown apart and both changed. While I still cared about her, the feelings were dwindling.

As spaceboy said, you will find somebody else. This happened for a reason, there is somebody else out there you are meant to be with.

[Neena]

What you should do right now is think what you liked about her and what you disliked.
Write it on the paper if you must.
You will surprise yourself by seeing how sometimes we do things of habit or loneliness.

Take care of yourself, do things that you find interesting and I assure you, you will be ok.

[anon6]

I know exactly how you feel i just found out my ex-boyfriend of 2 years has a new girlfriend...This shouldn't really bother me because we have been broken up for over a year but I kind of always held onto this dream that we would get back together but I found out that he's moving across the country so obviously this isn't going to happen. It breaks my heart even though I know that it shouldn't I know that I need to seriously move on and not be so picky with guys and just try to have fun. You should do the same you can message me if you need someone to talk to.

[JohnnyBeGood]

Hey everyone thanks for the replies. I guess I kind of needed to hear it flat out that I should move on. I havent talked to my ex for probably like 3 months now and to be honest, I have no desire to do so. The more I think about it, the more it makes me realize how terrible of a person she is. She lied to me but I think the thing that gets me the most, is that she completely turned her back on me. She would always talk about how I was her best friend and blah blah blah. She was mine too and for her to be able to throw it all away and seemingly without any remorse just perplexes me. I dont want someone like that in my life.

I guess all I gotta do now is polish off this dusty ol game of mine and find a good girl. Thanks again for all the replies.

[Pure Poison]

Karma really does its job sometimes.. I'm not trying to be mean, but here's my opinion: You left her to go explore other girls and other options and didn't appreciate the good girl you had. You lost her and your chance with her for your own selfish pleasures. I don't blame the girl for doing what she did to you afterwards because I can understand how she felt. I know my ex left me with the stupid excuse of us not being "right" for eachother out of a sudden because he just wanted to screw around with other girls without feeling guilty. Teh, that was nice of him, but what a douche for breaking my heart, the heart I gave to him despite all his douchebag actions. I hope he goes through this to see what he lost because you don't know what you have until it's gone.

Though, seems like you've really realized your mistake and I wish you luck in your healing. Sucks, but seems like after what you did she will never get back with you. She got her revenge with you and she's content with her bf. Move on bud.