Hey guys! Need some advice.

[VioletB]

I really hope someone here can help. Sorry it's so long, but here's the story:

I grew up around mostly guys, and have always had more guy friends than girls. I met this particular guy five years ago, while I was dating someone else. We got to be good friends- he taught me how to shoot pool, and we practiced enough that I actually win tournaments now. We did things outside of bars too- went to a few car shows together, and cookouts. Somewhere along the line I realized that I really liked him. I couldn't stop thinking about him, and I was starting to go a little nuts. I didn't tell him at the time, but I broke it off with the guy I was dating, because it wasn't fair to him.

Not very long after that, I got rip roaring drunk and pretty much threw myself at the guy I liked. That didn't go over so well... he told me that I needed to give myself some time, and he could be friends with me, but wasn't looking for anything else. I was crushed. But I figured if all I could have was his friendship, I would take it. I couldn't stand the thought of not being around him at all.

So we've been good friends for the past five years. I mean close enough that we've spent 3 hour stretches standing around talking on a sidewalk. We've watched countless movies together. Around most people he's usually a "macho guy" and doesn't talk about his feelings- except with me. I've seen him cry, once. I know people who've known him his whole life, and he's never really dated anybody seriously. He never tries to pick up chicks at the bars. I've even heard people speculate that he might be gay, because they NEVER see him with a woman.

I tried to resign myself to the fact that I'd never have a relationship with this guy. In the past five years I tried dating two other guys (not at the same time). But those relationships didn't last very long. I felt like all I could give those guys was a little piece of myself - the rest was already taken. So I decided to just stay single for a while. I bought my first house, and live alone.

Last Friday everything changed. We did our usual thing, shooting pool and joking around all night. He invited me over to his place for a movie- all completely normal. We even watched the entire movie. Afterward somehow one thing led to another... and it was like the freaking room lit on fire. I have never felt anything that intensely in my life. It was like a scene from a movie or something... we broke things thrashing around. And afterward, I said to him "Now don't start acting all weird on me..." and he said "that will be difficult." After being with him once, I find that I just want him even more.

I saw him once after that, and he did seem to be acting strangely. He said he'd hurt his back at work, and I just gave him a back rub and went home. I don't know if he was acting weird because he was in pain, or if it was because of what happened the other night. But he seemed kind of... well... not like himself.

I just want to know, have I completely screwed up my friendship with this guy because we had sex? How do I let him know that I'm still just the same person, and there's nothing scary about me just because I have working bits? I'm not looking for him to start professing his undying love for me, or anything. I just want to know how I can keep things from being awkward. Because I would lose my freaking mind if I didn't have at least his friendship.

Advice, anyone?

[Primo]

Well you haven't 'screwed' anything up. It happened, it was bound to happen. I think you're feeling a bit out of sorts and he probably is too because the dynamics of your relationship changed the other night...forever.

See how it goes, just be yourself and don't have any regrets.

[VioletB]

Hey thanks- I needed to hear that. You're right... I AM a bit out of sorts, to say the least. I wanted him so badly I could taste it, for five years- I think maybe I'm in shock, hehe. I just need to clamp down on that ungodly chick instinct to poke and prod until I know things are ok. (deep breath) Cuz that would only make things weird, eh?

[Primo]

All the things you're feeling, I'm quite sure he's feeling too. Five years is alot of pent up desire Be yourself, but don't pretend things haven't changed either. Talk to him like the friend you've been, but also like the lover you are now. Let him know how you're feeling...I don't think you have yet

Btw, I don't think he'd be around you as closely as he was the past 5 years if he didn't feel the same way, I wouldn't have been.

[VioletB]

You make some excellent points, Primo. Thank you. I guess I'm just worried that if I get all girlie talking about my feelings I'll just scare him off... I've got to come down off cloud 9 and get at least a fingerhold on reality again, before I can have that conversation. What I'm feeling is just way too intense. I feel like if this guy could hear what's going on in my head, he'd look like a deer in the headlights... eek!

[Primo]

Nah, when we're totally into you, we LOVE to hear all those corny, romantic girly things If we're not into you, it doesn't matter what you say. Make sense?

It sounds great, be yourself and for goodness sakes, don't hold any feelings back or have any regrets about not saying something. It's time to go for it and make it happen with this guy, I have a good feeling it'll be a homerun from what you're telling me.

[VioletB]

God I hope so. Holy ****, I'm in love, aren't I? 27 years old, and freakin struck by lightning. Yikes! You'd think that would have occurred to me over the past five years pining away after him, but noooo! The epiphany waited till now. God I'm ****ing scared to mess this up. Do you think maybe I should give it a little time... like maybe a week or two, before I talk to him about it?

[Primo]

27 sounds like a great age to me. If it's 'happened', like from what you're telling me I think it has, you CAN'T mess it up...Didn't I already say that?

Talk to him today, tell him you want to meet for lunch or dinner, when you get out of the car and walk up to him give him a soft intimate kiss, the kind that only people that are lovers can share along WITH the 'friendly' hug.

I know you're afraid to put it all out there, but you shouldn't be.

[VioletB]

Well, I've always been weird that way I guess. I'm a woman, but I've always found it difficult to talk about the way I feel. At least with actual people who know me- it's different (and much easier) to pour my heart out all over the internet like this. But I'm finding it therapeutic. It's better than getting drunk and blabbering about how I feel to anyone/everyone. Nothing good ever comes from that. Now I guess I just have to work up some serious bravery to talk about my feelings with the one person whose opinion I care about more than anything else. I don't know how I'm going to do that...

[Primo]

You know, sometimes an action speaks much more volume than words. If you're not sure how to delve into it, next time you see him, like I said...when you get out of the car or come to the door, give him a hug and then a kiss...a kiss like one lover would give to another whom they crave with all their being...

Talking will be so much easier after that

Yes, there's lots of great girls 'n guys on here to get feedback from and sometimes it's better than rambling on to your friend(s) who may or may not feel like paying much attention

[IndiReloaded]

Just call him up and ask if he'd be open to discussing what happened. You'll know from his response if its go/no go.

Good luck.

[VioletB]

I don't think I could just call him up like that... too risky that we'd just end discussing the whole thing over the phone. Nah, I like Primo's idea better. Face to face is good. Scary, but good. I think I will just wait until I happen to see him again, and then POW! Smooch! Lol.

[Primo]

It sounds great Violet ! I'm as excited for you as you are !! Ok, well, maybe not One thing I am is confident about how he's feeling...have a great time and don't hold anything back. Keep us posted !

[VioletB]

Ok, so the next time I saw him I couldn't pull the POW -smooch! Lol. For one reason - I saw him in a public place, and my ex boyfriend happened to be there, too. No reason to create hard feelings. But holy crap, was that ever frustrating! I couldn't seem to get my ex bf to leave me alone! Me and the guy I like had a good time hanging out that night, like friends, as usual. Then the holiday hit, and I had to go out of town to visit my family. I ended up getting a screamin' deal on a huge plasma TV on Black Friday. So I called him up and asked if he could come over and help me mount it to the wall. He did. HOWEVER- my best friend happened to stop by with her kids about 2 minutes after he showed up. So - No time to chat about private matters, eh? And we barely had it up and I had to rush out the door to work. But that day he asked me to give him a call at a certain time the next day. I did so, and we had an hour long phone conversation. (BTW, I am not a chatty girl on the phone... more like two sentences and I'm done usually. I know, I'm weird.) But anyway, none of what happened came up -totally- while we talked. But the gist of the conversation was that he had gotten into a tiff with someone at the place where we normally hang out, so he wanted to start going somewhere else to shoot pool. And he told me it would only be fun if I go to the new place, too, and asked if I would. That, and he wanted my opinion on the whole argument that he had gotten into with someone else. I had to cut the conversation short, because I was running late for work. I didn't even get a chance to agree to meet with him at the new place. SO. (can you say frustration...aaaack) And since Black Friday I've been working solid 10 hour days. I've barely even had time to watch a show on my giant new TV. But this weekend I have off, and the majority of next week I took off from work (for my Birthday). So of course I will go hang out at the new place and hope to see him there. Then POW- smooch! LOL. Maybe... I dunno if I want to push things too quickly. Any other suggestions?

[Primo]

Violet, what the heck happened with this?

Looks like the iron was hot and you both let it cool off again...doubt the POW passionate kiss is going to work 3 weeks later, it was an 'in the moment' type of thing, when the great sex was still fresh in everyone's mind.