Am I out of line? Whats your opinion?

[james bond]

So i'm paying my girlfriends phone bill online and I notice she's WAYYYY over her text allotment. So I look at her text log and a vast majority are to one number. I google the number and it's some guy. So I calmly ask her, who she texts all the time. First she claims she doesn't know, then after a short show of her searching her phone she says, "Mike" (I already knew this from the search). I ask her what they talk about. She gets very defensive and says it's none of my business and how dare I even ask her. After some arguement she says she works with him and they chat about innocent work stuff. Still she won't show me the texts. My thought is, if this guy is only a friend, why has she never mentioned him to me? Obvious answer, because she has an interest in him.

So all that blows up into a huge fight. Her about how dare I question her and me about how dare she go behind my back with some guy. She still claims it's all innocent. Before this all happened last night, I hear her upstairs talking to someone about meeting at the horse barn (we have boarded horses about 15 minutes away). She tells me she's going for a horse ride in the arena (keep in mind it's 7:00pm and dark). I notice she's taking an extra long time getting ready, doing her hair, etc. For horses? right...Then some time goes by and she never leaves. Doesn't say anything to me. So I ask, "aren't you going riding?". She says no I didn't realize how late it is and it's windy and crappy outside. Right there I'm thinking who cares, you will be riding indoors.

So I check her phone records online and sure enough at the same time I heard her giving directions, there's a call to Mike. Obviously their plans fell through and they didn't go, but she's doing all this behind my back and not saying a word to me.

So really, I know the answer. Mike isn't some innocent work friend. If he was, it'd know about him and we'd all probably have hung out (like her real) friends. I know she's not cheating, but she's the type that craves the extra male attention and seems to always be looking for something better. The old grass is greener on the other side mentality.

So I guess I'm just looking for some assurance, I'm not out of line questioning her. Am I?

What do I do if she refuses to come clean and be honest? Kick her to the curb? I love her, but I don't need this shit in my life...

[james bond]

Oh, then after our fight she texts Mike all the remainder of the night. That really pisses me off.

[girl68]

Are you out of line to question your lying gf? Let me think... uhh yeah!

[gedquin]

sorry to hear of your troubles mate, i found out my girl was cheating via text msg, i acted hastely and kicked het out, looking back i wished i had taken time to work things out, if you really love her try to find out the real reasons y she is cheating on you from wat u say she obviously is then make sure u act to sort things out, if ya dont love her its time to dump her and move on
hope thios helps and good luck ged

[gedquin]

no ur not out of line you had genuine reasons

[james bond]

You're right about talking through it and working through the issue if I truly want to make it work. But, she is so stubborn I don't think she'll ever admit she's doing anything wrong. Even though we both in our own minds know what she's doing is VERY disrespectful to me and bad for our relationship. (again, I know she's not actually cheating. But conversing with a guy with intentions of possibly being more than friends is the issue).

So even if we work through the true underlying issues, I'm not sure I can (or even want) to get over the fact she's lying about this and won't come clean.

In fact, the more I think about giving her the boot, the better I feel about it. Thought I might be down or sad about it, but actually the thought of breaking it off feels right and being single again sounds a bit exciting!

So I guess i've answered my own question here, but it's always nice to have a little re-assurance!

[Only-virgins]

Damn, you are getting cheated on right in your face lol. I can't believe how poorly she hides it too and when it comes out still goes trough with it. You sure she still cares about this relationship?

[james bond]

I don't think she cares much about the relationship anymore. I think at this point she's using me until she can secure another BF. I'm a wealthy guy and for a while I've felt she cares more about the lifestyle and what I can provide far more than a REAL relationship.

Just got off the phone with her and told her I knew about her planned rendezvous with Mike (didn't reveal this before) and all I got was more lies and "he's just a friend". Then she tries to flip it back on me (like she always does) and says "What I can't have friends?". So I point out, friends are okay. A "friend" is someone I know about and not someone you go out of your way to hide from me. Oh, the phone call ended with this.."I can't have friends?!? **** OFF". Haha

[afterhourz]

you are a good man with a decent head on your shoulders. kill this tramp out and find a girl you deserve.

[IndiReloaded]

Oh, you caught her and she lied to your face about it, bold as you please.

1. Dump her.

2. Ultimatum. Say she's been caught cheating (be extremely definite about this) & how will she make it up to you? Let her suggest the amends (which at minimum should be ditching this guy & then huge makeup sex every night).

If she continues to deny/lie, then she's adding insult to injury. Are you a fool to think you will ignore what is plain? In this case, tell her to get out.

Don't be mad at the guy, btw. He's a dog, yes, but he's also done you a huge favour exposing your cheat of a GF. Think she won't do it to him, next?

Oh, and don't pay her cell/text bill anymore. LOL. Doesn't she work?

[Artemis]

I'm sorry. This has got to hurt.
Game plan: 1) Tell her that this has upset you so much that you're not going to pay her phone bill. She can pay for it if she wants it. 2) If the two of you are living together, start doing research on what your rights are and how you can protect your assets if you share any with her. 3) That done, dump her and take whatever action you may need to beyond that as far as leases, etc go. 4) Good riddance, you deserve better.

If, however, you'd like to reconcile with her, still cut off the cell phone, claiming rough economic times or whatever, and then be distant. Only talk to her about finances and whatever's absolutely necessary. Two things will come of this. Either a) she realizes you're an amazing guy and she doesn't want to lose you or b) she goes to Mike. Which, once again, deserves a good riddance. Stay firm on the distance until she makes one of these choices. Do not get into an argument with her. It will just reaffirm her opinion that you're "the bad guy." Then follow through. I'd love to know how this turns out, good luck.

[james bond]

Oh, you caught her and she lied to your face about it, bold as you please.

1. Dump her.

2. Ultimatum. Say she's been caught cheating (be extremely definite about this) & how will she make it up to you? Let her suggest the amends (which at minimum should be ditching this guy & then huge makeup sex every night).

If she continues to deny/lie, then she's adding insult to injury. Are you a fool to think you will ignore what is plain? In this case, tell her to get out.

Don't be mad at the guy, btw. He's a dog, yes, but he's also done you a huge favour exposing your cheat of a GF. Think she won't do it to him, next?

Oh, and don't pay her cell/text bill anymore. LOL. Doesn't she work?

I'm not mad at the guy. She never tells them anything about having a boyfriend. I say them, because we've been down this road before. A month ago there was almost an identical situation, and I never called her out. Same shit, tons of text messages to some guy she works with. That time I actually read them and they weren't anything sexual, but definitely chatting as if building toward a potential relationship. He asking her to come over to drink or out to dinner. She never did, but also didn't say no. It was more like her schedule didn't allow it to happen. If it was me and I was innocently chatting with a female friend (innocent like she claims) and this friend asked me out, i'd say straight up I'm in a relationship, I don't think that would respectful to my GF.

She works. Very career driven which is what I originally liked about her. But I feel her career drive is fueled by how materialistic she is. I honestly feel like her banker, not her boyfriend.

Gawd, the more I talk about her, the more i'm asking myself WTF am I doing with her in the first place

[james bond]

I'm sorry. This has got to hurt.
Game plan: 1) Tell her that this has upset you so much that you're not going to pay her phone bill. She can pay for it if she wants it. 2) If the two of you are living together, start doing research on what your rights are and how you can protect your assets if you share any with her. 3) That done, dump her and take whatever action you may need to beyond that as far as leases, etc go. 4) Good riddance, you deserve better.

If, however, you'd like to reconcile with her, still cut off the cell phone, claiming rough economic times or whatever, and then be distant. Only talk to her about finances and whatever's absolutely necessary. Two things will come of this. Either a) she realizes you're an amazing guy and she doesn't want to lose you or b) she goes to Mike. Which, once again, deserves a good riddance. Stay firm on the distance until she makes one of these choices. Do not get into an argument with her. It will just reaffirm her opinion that you're "the bad guy." Then follow through. I'd love to know how this turns out, good luck.

Good advice there. One thing I don't think I can do is allow her to be living in my home, be distant and let her possibly be with Mike. That pisses me off to no end. If I am supporting you financially and you're uses that to be with other people, i'm done. For example the horses. Who paid for those? Me. And she brings this guy out there to be with her. Fawk that pisses me off.

I just got a text from her saying she'll "say anything I want her to say, to make this right". Not I'll be honest and come clean, it's tell me what to say and i'll say it. LOL, alot of good that does. Also said she only wants to be with me and no one else. BS, if I booted her, she'd be so F'd financially it's not funny. I feel that's the only thing fueling her comments.

[afterhourz]

it's pretty clear that this girl isn't worth it. Sooner you kick her out, the sooner you can find a real, trustworthy partner.

[IndiReloaded]

I just got a text from her saying she'll "say anything I want her to say, to make this right". Not I'll be honest and come clean, it's tell me what to say and i'll say it.

Sure. Her cash cow is about to dry up. She doesn't give a rats ass about you. Sorry, hun, but that seems pretty clear. Dump her. It might teach her a lesson (be prepared for her to beg) or teach her to cheat more carefully next time. But for you, it will let you find a nice gal who actually respects you.

Vent here at need.

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BS, if I booted her, she'd be so F'd financially it's not funny. I feel that's the only thing fueling her comments.

Yes, you are calling this exactly right^.