In love with my boss

[girltalk]

I have somewhat of a tricky situation on my hands. Really would appreciate some help.

About a year ago I started working at a television network. Months later I transfered to a different show, after I wasn't really happy with my projects or work situation. My current boss is the one who wanted me to come to his show and expressed want to work with me. We are both in our mid/late 20s and have a lot of things in common. After my transfer to the job which happened a month ago, our connection grew stronger, especially considering the fact that he is rather famous where I live and tends to be really closed off with new people (which is understandable knowing how people tend to use other people for gain). Needless to say, it didnt take long for me to realize that I really like this guy (especially since he is pretty much a male version of myself).
His history is interesting though. Even though he has been famous for years, there has never been a mention of girlfriend (which made the gay rumors pop up here and there) but he also hasn't really shown any interest in men. in fact he himself says he is not gay and blames his "not having a girlfriend" situation due to a crazy work lifestyle (which he does have). Also my gaydar is really not giving me a gay vibe at all, plus I am extremely liberal, and he knows it, so wouldnt really stop him showing his real colors.
I have nothing to go on as a reference, but what I found out so far (from a close friend who works with us) is that he hasn't been in a relationship for a long time but that is looking for a girl, and worried he will never find one due to his work.

Since he is my boss, I separate private from work pretty well so far, but I really would want to get to know him better and get involved with him if possible.
Lately he has been coming over to my place in the evenings, he took me out to lunch on a sunday, he's shown interest in every aspect of my life, from friends, family etc. But nothing EVER happened. The physical line hasn't been crossed at all and I don't really attempt to push it, but every closeness (hug, shoulder pat etc) shown from my side - he didn't mind it. Needless to say, when morning comes aka work, he goes back into boss mode (which is understandable) but it's making it really hard to see if this guy has any deeper interest in me, but just held back by our "work" situation or his own "life" situation.
I tried the tactic of becoming obvious with him, obvious with my liking of him - how I act, what I say, compliments etc, and it still doesn't stop him to call me at 2 am about work.... yes...about work, while we both lay in bed about to pass out. It also hasn't stopped him from hanging out with me.

I mean, there is so much more to the story, like him randomly texting me before I went out, telling me that I should have a good night out with friends, random calls at random hours that are about work but sometimes seep into private, his willingness to hang out with me etc.
After our sunday spent together, he did go back to his "cold phase" - he has those, which I think is just due to work, where he doesn't respond, or is being really business oriented, but then once again I get access to his private side which is much warmer and confuses me to the point that I don't know if this dude diggs me or not. I can't really tell if he is backtracking after this sunday or not, because I haven't seen him be "personal" much, other than a 2am call about work...so that doesn't count since it was work...ugh

So I am kinda lost as to what my actions should be. It is definitely hard to just "drop it" since he is the type of a man I am looking for, which is a raaaare occurance (I am kinda specific, it's not based on looks but on life standpoints, ambition, religion outlooks etc), plus it's hard to just play the "oh dont text dont call" game when I have to contact him for work and such, and he has the option of doing the same for me. Also to clarify, we don't see eachother at work everyday, it is not that type of boss-worker relationship. I am more of an independent contracter.

I am generally a nice girl and I don't mind being aggressive (push the limit), he even said he likes women who are more "alpha", but I don't want to become annoying, and with him it's really hard to tell. One day we are having lunch together and laying on the sofa in the dark listening to music and talking about EVERYTHING, next day he is not responding to a msg and calls me at 2am about work.......

help. lol

[Chupacabras]

Dating your boss is a horrifically bad idea.

1) When your coworkers find out (and they will), it's just a matter of time before someone goes to your HR department claiming that you're getting preferential treatment.

2) I've never heard of a company where it was okay to date your subordinates. Most companies, when they find out they fire the boss or at the very least move him. If he's a commodity, prepare to be either fired yourself or transferred.

3) Every fight will come out in both your behavior, generating a hostile work environment for every person that works for your boss; this leads back to #1.

Just don't do it. If you're serious about him, get yourself transferred to another division. If you don't, prepare for someone's livelihood to be on the line.

[girltalk]

I think I need to clarify some things.
In the country where I live the laws are a bit different on the subject of dating coworkers and such. I am a freelancer, not tied down to the company, and we already have several cases of relationships in the office. And we don't even have HR...that tells u enough LOL.
It is not that big of a deal here, like it would be in - let's say, USA. But I get your point, the problem is - I like him darn it

Also, he is the type of guy who sparates work from private really well (while in the office), which is the reason of my confusion to an extent, because he gets so cold at work and yet so warm when in private. Thus the dilemma to begin with. But at least we know he can separate the two.

[IndiReloaded]

Girltalk, can you be more specific about your wants from us?

You claim to want advice, but actually seem to want us to tell you your situation is okay.

Dating a subordinate, freelance, contract or regular employee is always a bad idea. This has nothing to do with laws, but with common sense and experience.

Mbe you should try posting over at [url]www.tellmewhatiwanttohear.net[/url]

[girltalk]

Wow that was a bit rude. I just wanted advice based on people's experience and not just one person.Also I just gave a further insight to a situation since there are cultural differences when it comes to dating in workplace especially when it relates to the industry of arts; wasn't trying to "justify" anything to get a positive feedback.

No need to be an ass about it. Jeez.

[misombra]

well, even if it was a good thing to date your boss, it doesn't sound like he's that into it. he seems a bit cold and distant with you. i would just keep things how they are and see how it goes. don't try and push for more at this time is my advice.

[girltalk]

that's kinda what I decided on as well tonight.
If he is into it, he will do his own thing on his own terms despite everything.
I guess I became too eager because he really does fit my personality and what I look for in a guy.
bummer.

[IndiReloaded]

I guess I became too eager because he really does fit my personality and what I look for in a guy.

Yes, you do seem overeager. If you decide to go ahead and see each other, you need to learn to be very discreet. This is more than keeping your mouth shut and avoiding physical contact at work. His 'coldness' at work is exactly the right attitude since he is your superior. He should set the level for this. You need to be able to clearly understand the motives for this behaviour.

This is difficult for most mindsets to truly grasp so there is usually little percentage for investing this effort given you hardly know each other. Which is why its probably a bad idea, back to Sanctuary's reply.

[Primo]

Miso made a great post Girltalk, from what you're describing he looks at you as a friend. I didn't sense any missed or potential connection, it just sounds like he's not interested in you romantically. But you never know, that could change.

There's no law against it here, though some private employers do make it grounds for dismissal.

Indi did make a good point, that it's usually a bad idea. There are exceptions of course, but in general it rarely works out. I know quite a few horror stories and people who have had to end up leaving employment of their own choosing just so they didn't have to endure the uncomfortablness and/or unprofessionalism that can linger after things end.

As far as her pointing you to that website, don't worry about it, she's Admin there