Frustration over bad and lust-less sex... how to resolve?

[Miss_Navi]

I have been with my boyfriend for 13 months, and I am desperate for better sex. I am 21, he is 35.

When we make love it seems we cannot keep the passion/lust/desire going. He has difficulty in keeping 'it up', we cannot change positions without him going limp in between, even if it takes only a couple of seconds and after about 5 minutes of continuous penetration he goes limp anyway unless he tries really really hard.

As far as I know, we are both very 'horny' (or I know I am at least), but I do not understand why it is not working for us.

When we are 'making love', sometimes it feels like we think too much. There is a lot of frustration from his part too, for example, halfway through he might find his arm hurts, or he tells me to touch him in certain places but either I don't do it just right or after a while it gets samey.

After talking, he does say he wants to be more horny to 'keep him up', but at the same time he says he is horny for me which makes me so confused!

I just feel like I don't cut it for him. As a result, I am loosing my happiness. I only lost my virginity to the guy before him, so I don't have much confidence when in bed because I feel like I am not enough to keep him satisfied.

Also, he does not look at me much when we have sex which makes me wonder, am I a turn off to look at when in the sack?
I feel like I need some more creativity but I don't know where to start, I don't get any inspiration from him but I just wish we could have good sex.

What do you think I could do?

[girl68]

I am 21, he is 35.

I can't wrap my brain around this one. You were 20 years old when you first hooked up, that's a lot too young IMO.

[qwertz]

Its hard to know whats going on, but maybe you do need to 'spice' it up a bit.

For me, good sex is about being lost in the passion, excitement, horniness and physical and mental attraction with someone..I wouldnt notice something like a niggling arm etc as im lost in the moment...But im comfortable with everything about myself, be it in the bedroom or out.

Maybe work on more foreplay..ask him what he likes and if your not sure- get him to show you..and vice versa...it sounds to me like you arent totally comfortable and maybe lacking in experience. The more you do it the more confident you should become.

Have you told him your worries? if not talk to him (away from the bedroom)
As for him not looking at you..i wouldnt worry too much about that- some guys look away when their concentrating..though i find it better with eye contact as feel more of an intimate connection..every guy is different.

You definately need to talk to him and resolve your confidence issues with him.

[qwertz]

lets not get onto this one again girl68

She is old enough to make her own decisions

[loudrims_inc]

what about viagra?? or something similar?

[qwertz]

i think theres more to it than that loudrim

[girl68]

When people age their bodies do to. Everything doesn't work like it used to penis included. He's aged, he probably can't perform like he used to when he was your age.

That's what happens when you date older men.

[loudrims_inc]

I can tell u some things that help my girl and i out ALOT:
1-Dirty Talking during sex
2-lots of "SEXY" kissing and foreplay
3-when she says "F*** ME BABY", it gets me motivated!
4-may seem weird but works for me is HEAVY BREATHING
5-doing it in new areas of the house/room such as kitchen counter, table, bathroom sink lol
6-when your on top, try grinding, while on him
etc...

The important thing is to keep both minds motivated and it doesnt hurt to make things interesting at times! hope this helps!

[qwertz]

68, hes 35 not 65

[Chupacabras]

what about viagra?? or something similar?

At the very least, seeing his doctor may not be a bad idea; having ED problems at 35 can be indicative of other problems.

Different people have different libido's of course but I'm older than your BF and still get hard when the wind blows just right.

[girl68]

So you think you're going to look the same and be able to perfom the same way at 35? I doubt that. Listen I'm 25 and I get hurt so much more easily playing sports, I'm 25 not 65. Your body ages even when you're young.

[qwertz]

of course it does but not to the point your suggesting

[Sanctuary]

He should do more cardio to get the blood flowing better in his body.

Both of you should go hit the gym or go on jogs - it's healthy too.

He'll have an easier time keeping it up and you'll be hotter. This plan is a great success.

[Gigabitch]

A 35 year old shouldn't have erectile dysfunction. Unless he's in very poor health, this is something else.

Do you get the feeling he's just not turned on by you or is he not turned on by anything? This is important.

[woody 73]

Hello well im the boyfriend u guys r talking about , and im all ok with my sex side. Its when u find out that the whole world is talking about u and saying how bad i am, is the thing that ruins my sex time. So thank you for making me look bad when u dont even know me.im sure your not that good either when people put u down.