How to Handle a Flirting Girl when in a relationship

[Confused_One]

So I was out at a resto-bar this weekend with some friends and the waitress started hitting on me big time. She takes everyone's order looks at me and says your food will be really good and winks. Then later on she asks me if I am still hungry, but asks no one else smiling at me winking etc. We were watching a sporting event, near the end she comes and stands beside me to watch and starts conversing with me about the event and trying to get into a conversation. She was French, I'm bilingual, but English she was really making an effort to speak in English with me.

She was clearly flirting considering everyone at the table was joking about it and saying things like "get your girlfriend to bring us the bill".

The thing is I was kind of cold with her when she stood beside me, I said a few things when she was trying to talk to me and then basically started talking with my friends again and she stood for a little longer and just walked away.

I did this because I am in a 6+ year relationship and I'm not sure how to deal with these situations. Usually in these situations I just bring up like a story that involved my girlfriend and then the girl usually backs off, but usually I know this girl a bit. But, in a restaurant with a waitress I barely know, I'm not going to start telling her stories about my life lmao.

So I felt like a mean guy and kind of bad afterwards, cause she was putting herself out there and I really gave her the cold shoulder and made her feel awkward, which isn't something I like doing to people.

Is there anyway to play this so that it wouldn't upset my significant other and not make me look like a complete jackass to the person who is trying to flirt?

I joked with my buddies that this is where having a ring would probably really help lol.

Thanks.

[Carmen]

You did the right thing by giving her the cold shoulder since you already have a girlfriend. Most guys wouldn't be able to help themselves and would lead the girl on just to feel more manly. Why are you worried? By the way, how are you and your girlfriends friend getting along?>

[Confused_One]

Thanks, I figured what I did was right.

Things with the friend are better mostly cause I am over it.

I mean girlfriend was talking about her friend needing a relationship last week and then she was like maybe I could share you and we could make a love triangle. She was kidding, and like I said I am kind of over it, but when she says things like that, in my head I am just like "Why would you say that"

[Bumble_bee]

why should you feel bad, it was her that couldn't take a hint....you did nothing wrong IMO, and if your lady was a fly on the wall she'd be pretty chuffed too

[vashti]

I think you overreacted. The proper way to react when someone finds you attractive is to be flattered, and be polite, unless they are touching you.

[Confused_One]

I think you overreacted. The proper way to react when someone finds you attractive is to be flattered, and be polite, unless they are touching you.

Well at first I thought I was polite, I smiled when she asked me questions and said please and thank you very much.

It's my friend who said like man she was talking to you and after like 1-2 minutes you just stopped talking to her and started talking to us. I guess thats what made me feel like I was rude. I tipped her nicely, because she was good to us and nice, I felt that was good enough. It's just what my friends said that had me thinking I handled this wrong.

[Gigabitch]

She stepped way over the line. if she worked for me, I'd fire her. That was really inappropriate.

[Confused_One]

She stepped way over the line. if she worked for me, I'd fire her. That was really inappropriate.

Yeah I asked a colleague who was a waitress about this, she said sometimes it is to work a better tip. My colleague never did it, but she had some friends that would. But, she said this chick was seriously trying to pick you up if she singled you out of the 5 other guys that were with you.

I guess if her boss would have known that they probably wouldn't have been happy lol.

The thing is I go to this place like once or twice a month lol. Hopefully I end up at tables that she isn't waiting to avoid this whole awkwardness.

[vashti]

I went back and re-read what you wrote, and I am STILL not seeing what she did that was so awful. She didn't know you had a girlfriend, and she was friendly. So what?

[NBT]

I'm with vashti on this one. What was so horrible? All she did was flirt with someone who she found attractive (who she DIDN'T know had a GIRLFRIEND.) It's not like she knew you were taken and said "I bet I could ____ better than your gf" lol. She simply showed her interest in you by being extra friendly, and flirting with you.

The best thing YOU could have done, was talked to her (casually) in a strictly platonic way, until she said something OBVIOUS about liking you. THEN mention the girlfriend thing. No need to be RUDE, though. Just treat her like you would a nice (yet unattractive lol) girl you don't have interest in. Polite, and cool, but not "too" friendly.

[Confused_One]

Yeah, I'm not saying she did anything wrong. She seemed like a very nice girl and it's a piety she didn't do this to one of my 3 single buddies that were at the table.

I just wondering how I should deal with the situation. I guess next time I could just carry on and if it gets to that level of where she is starting to say she likes me, I could just say something "like you're a nice girl and I appreciate your interest in me, but I am in a relationship." or just bring up a story that involves my girl friend.

I'm just not used to situations like that. I have had girls randomly smack my ass while I was with my girlfriend lo, but they just run off laughing with their friends, this was back in my late teens lol. Then I have had girls that I have known a little better show interest, but then since they knew me, they would find out pretty quickly that I had a girlfriend.

But, I have never been in a situation where a random girl like a waitress has just started hitting on me, so I thought I reacted correctly, but my friends told me I was a bit too cold. So that is why I wrote here. It had nothing really to do with me thinking she had done something wrong, like I said I gave her a nice tip and I was for the most part polite.

It was really just when at the end of the fight that I felt weird because she stopped waitressing and just came and stood beside me watching the fight. She started talking with me about the fight and looking me in the eyes, winking, you know, all the signs. So I talked for a couple minutes then turned back to my friends. That is where my friends pointed out to me that I kind of just left her hanging and my friend across from said she looked like she didn't know what to do and then just walked away.

I know for her it probably took a lot for her to act like that with me, so I just felt bad when my friends pointed that out to me. I gave her the impression she wasn't a nice girl and that I wasn't interested, when in reality she seemed really nice. I wasn't interested, but it wasn't because she wasn't a nice girl, it's just because I am a taken man.

Anyways I guess that was winded.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, first of all, women blast guys for this kind of thing all the time. So it was different to read about the reverse situation.

But yes, Vash is right. You probably overreacted. But not really a big deal, it takes practice to handle flirting/compliments. Some people are more comfortable with it than others. E.g. You could have just said 'thanks', excused yourself (bathroom) and then just avoided her when you returned.

[url]http://learnthis.ca/2008/03/learning-to-handle-compliments/[/url]