Dont know what to do

[lost2002]

Hi everyone, thanks for listening.

I'm a 25 year old guy... I met a great girl reciently. We have been seeing each other for two months. One problem... She reciently divorced this year, and was in the relationship for 5 years. So bottom line, she is not looking for a relationship right now... The opposite of what I am looking for. The issue at hand is, I know she really likes me and that I really like her. She has told me that it's just bad timing... Just wants to date without a title.... But if she was ready, she would love to share her life with me. I just don't know. We hang out at least three times a week and talk on the phone three times a day or more. What was I supposed to expect? Especially when she constantly tells me she likes me and misses me...

I want to date her. I enjoy being with her. I don't know about this dating around thing. Someone always gets hurt, and I am sure it is going to be me. It makes me feel horrible knowing that shes going out with another person or seeing other people.

Should I continue to date her, and wait to see if one day she is ready to be involved in a relationship? She says it would suck for me to wait, because she doesn't know when that day will be... While I could be in a relationship with someone else already. This just sucks. I don't want to get into the friend zone either, because that's where it will stay... And I don't think i would be able to stand the site of being around her with other dudes hitting on her or going around with her.

I'm just afraid that she will meet someone else and forget about me. Which is probably what happens in this situation all the time. She hasn't been single for 8 years and wants to see how it is. It's not like I'm looking to get married or something. I wont even think about something like that until I'm 30+... I just want a steady healthy relationship with someone.

What should I do? We are going to talk about the whole situation again when we get together on Monday. Shes out of town until then.

Thanks a lot for reading my rant.

[bloodtippedrose]

What should I do? We are going to talk about the whole situation again when we get together on Monday.

you answered your own question right here. you have to talk to her about it and tell her youre ready for a relationship right NOW and if she isnt ready then youre going to move on. Dont hang on to her without a title because you'll be put in the friend zone.

[Bumble_bee]

what is there to talk about?

she hasn't been single for 8 yrs, just got out of a divorce, so does not want anything too heavy, and there you are getting all heavy

...if you want a relationship status then you are looking for it with the wrong woman....and she has been clear from the start, she is giving you a lot despite what she says...so you can either push it...or you can enjoy it for what it is and maybe she might reach that point...maybe...

what you have to decide is if that is what you want....to wait and see if it does develop into something more...otherwise, the more you push for something she told you she doesn't want right now, the more you risk losing her all together.

[lost2002]

She doesn't want anything too heavy, but she acts like it all the time when we are together. Its just a lose, lose situation all around and it sucks because we both like each other a lot. Stupid rules always ruin a good thing. She was asking me questions yesterday like... What are you like when you get mad. She has never seen me mad. I don't really get mad, I enjoy living a happy life. And I wouldn't have a reason to be mad at her. i asked her why she keeps asking me how I act when I get upset... She eventually said that because her ex used to yell a lot towards the end of their relationship. And that she would never get involved in a relationship with someone like that again. This is where the whole relationship conversation came up again and progressed into a mess. I would like to date her without titles if that's all I can get right now. Because I would like to have her a little than not at all. And this is what I will tell her on Monday. I might as well stay on her mind than just disappear into nothingness. Hopefully after she sees how single life is the craps, she will turn around and want more with me. I just dont want to see jackasses hurt her. I would never hurt her.

[Primo]

Bumble bee laid it out for you pretty straight.

She realizes she needs and wants a rebound relationship(s). She likes you but is being honest. If you want to have this woman in your life down the road, best way would be to tell her that you're really into her but you definitely understand her need to live a little on her own after her marriage failed.

Tell her to have fun, take care of herself and that you're going to go your own way too and maybe someday down the road you'll run into each other again. Then walk away, date other women, enjoy your life. If she truly wants you to be a part of her life when she's settled down, SHE WILL FIND YOU !

If she doesn't then it wasn't meant to be, if you push her now she's going to shun you forever. It's not easy, but you have to check your feelings at the door here and do what's best. If she wants you, she'll come for it when she's ready, believe me.

[Steven-exploded]

Clearly you really want to be with her, but you have to give her the space that she needs, especially just recently got out of a messy divorce.

I can see that the divorce caused her some fears and insecurities in relationship, which means it'll be a while for her to get over them. But that is all up to her to make the choice to getting over her divorce.

I understand you really want to be with her, but you cannot control where she goes in life, just like others have said in their replies, if she doesn't want to be with you, then that is just that.

However, the best thing is to talk about it, in which you are going to do later. But don't appear too needy in a forceful way that will completely push her away.

If she really likes you, she'll feel it. And if she feels it, she'll make a choice for you.

But you'd have to make a choice too, what would you do if you are hurt in this relationship? What will you focus on if she doesn't commit as much as you do?

You either commit 100%, or you move on.

[lost2002]

So last night, we were texting all night. She's out of town and was at a big wedding. She initiated the conversation by texting me, asking me what I'm doing. I didn't call or text her all day. I said nothing really. Working... How is the wedding? She replies "good, but would be better if you were here with me "

So this goes on for a while, back and forth until she eventually calls me around midnight after I'm off work. We talk for a while.. Then later she calls me at the end of the night again after the wedding is over.

I'm going to stick with dating for now and hope it becomes something more eventually. I'm obviously on her mind even when shes at a huge event with friends she hasn't seen in years... That's enough security for me to believe that we can one day be something more.

I talked with her a little bit about continuing to keep dating like she wanted. I don't want to be in the friend zone. I told her I would rather take the chance of getting hurt through dating, than not being able to see her at all or even taking a chance.

This sucks, but hopefully there will one day be a light at the end of the tunnel.