Hey guys give a little insight?

[Snootskie]

Alrighty so my bf and I have been together almost 4 years and while I'm not wanting to get married right away I do want to get married in the next couple of years however my bf refuses to talk about the future the only answers I can get out of him are I don't knows and maybe we'll sees. I'm only in my early twenties but I do have a bit of a 10 year plan and that includes children ( hopefully in the next 10 years) and as much as I love him I don't want to waste my life/time waiting for something that might not happen. Do I keep waiting or is it time to let go? Any ideas what I should do or what his issue is?

[girl68]

He can't and refuses to talk about the future!? Period?

Does he know how YOU feel and what your plans are and that hopefully they include him? I'm not sure how you go about it but perhaps he just feels like all you're doing is pressuring him. "Baby, do you want to marry me?" "when are you going to want to get married?" that could feel like pressure to him. In fact it probably does.

Maybe you need to explain your side and not ask him for input at first. Tell him that while you don't need to get married next year but you're also not keen on wasting another 5 years if he doesn't even see any sort of future.

Just a frame of reference but my guy refused to talk about the future with past gf's probably something along the lines of what your guy does now. But now he's with me he says that the future is easy to talk about. The kids, the house, the money, the cars... etc. No problem talking about our wedding yadda yadda yadda. I'm in my mid 20's and him early 30's so we're probably a little older but just to let you know that guys CAN talk about the future blissfully.

[wipe_out]

I made the mistake your BF is currently making.. Was involved with an amazing woman.. We weren't together long enough to be talking marriage but long enough to at least look as some things.. I didn't.. I never talked about anything in OUR future and the end result is I lost her.. Its something I still regret it today..

He is lucky that you seem to be looking out for him as well as yourself right now.. Try make him see he may loose you if you can't make plans together.. Hopefully he doesn't make the mistake I did..

[Gigabitch]

One of my girlfriends just got married (finally) to a Mr. Wait-and-See guy. I think she finally just wore him down. They'd been together for ages. You want to know how old he is? Forty-one. That's right. He also said they'd wait and see about having kids. Guess that ain't happening, since she is now forty-four years old.

Some guys just aren't marriage material. You might have one of those. I suggest you at least start thinking about a Plan B if settling down and starting a family is a priority for you.

[Snootskie]

I've told him my plans and how I want them to include him but I've also told him that I can't wait around forever. I would even feel better about this if he were to say that he didn't want the same things in the future, I could deal with that ( as much as it would break my heart) it would be better than living in "limbo" like we are now. It doesn't help that his family ( who I love they are just overwhelming) finds it neccessary to tell me bow he'll never get married.
On somewhat of a side note I recently brought up the idea of is living together ( it's not marriage but it's a step in the rightish direction) and I got fed a bunch of excuses as to why we shouldn't. It feels like were just delaying the inevitable ,us being together the rest of our lives ( or something along those lines)

[girl68]

It really doesn't sound like this guy is eager at all to move forward with you. IMO when a guy isn't into me the same why I'm into him- I'm gone. Sounds sort of like you're in this prediciment.

I think you need to do some soul searching... Is this guy worth waiting for something that may never happen? Sounds to me like you already know the answer you're just having a hard time admitting that to yourself and everyone else.

[Snootskie]

ya I think I'm gonna have to do some serious thinking, thanks for the insight though I know you're right, and I'm having a hard time admitting that to myself.

[misombra]

4 years is too long to be unsure. if he doesn't know by now about a future with you then you need to think about other things to do.

[Cbrider]

Really? 4 years and all you get is "maybe."

I'm sorry, maybe I am off base here, but at the 4 year mark in a relationship for me, it would be just fine to assume that we live together and have been for sometime.

This guy isn't going to change his stance on this, he's made up his mind and you're being strung along because he, for whatever reason, wont be straight with you about the future.

Walk away and find Mr. Right before you waste you're time with this guy and burn out your biological clock.

Think about it, even if he did agree to marry you, would it be something he decided on his own? No.

You love this guy, but he's being a douche about this, sorry.