Maybe I can get her back?

[MikeinAmerica]

I'm not sure what I should do My girlfriend broke up two weeks ago. The same day and the day after I went to her place and she was hesitating a little bit.Saying maybe we should take a break and be friends blah blah. Also we had sex this night after she broke up and I asked her "where shall we lave it?" and she just said I don't know. Then she was out of town for a week but I haven't heard back from her and she arrived two days ago.
I'm not sure if I should ask her to meet or if I should write her a farewell letter telling her that I enjoyed our time and that I still love her. Maybe that makes her changing her mind? What do you think? I want her back but I'm not sure how to do it. Ususally when a girl breaks up she's gone forever, but I think my girfriend was hesitating at some point.

[ellie]

Yeah that could work, but keep it short and to the point, no smothering. Then leave it up to her, and don't contact her after she receives it. If she wants to get back together with you, she will contact you/reach out, so give her the letter and then leave it up to her. Sounds like she needs time to think/space atm.

[MikeinAmerica]

okay, I think I 'll do that. This is so important to me, I planned to spend the rest of my life with that girl and I can't get her out of my head.

I'll write her this e-mail:

I haven't heard back from you, so probably we won't see each other anymore. I really enjoyed our time together. Thank you! Falling in love with you is the most amazing feeling in the world.

Adieu, farewell

...and hope that she wants to meet once she received that e-mail

[Gigabitch]

Mike, what happened? What were her reasons for breaking up?

[MikeinAmerica]

she just said that there are not enough feelings from her side. That her feelings are not strong enough. It just kinda hit her, she took that decision basically over night which was a huge surprise for me. She's 34 and I'm 33, so she should know what she's doing, right ?
She also said that she needs more time for herself because she's thinking about a career change (I told her that this is a very lame excuse since you can be in a relationship and having career plans at the same time, don't you think so?). On the other hand she also told me more than once that having a familiy would be her preference ...
I'm left in the dark when it comes to the reason why she broke up. I just think it could be possible to win her back because she was hesitating the two days right after the break up.
Although I have to say that I acted like a wimp. I was crying in front of her (!) and asking her to not do it. I guess I was in panic.
What do you think about the e-mail above? Is that a good idea, just to say good bye and wait for her reaction?

[Gigabitch]

34, huh? Is she trying to set her life on a different course and doesn't see you as a keeper? She sounds to me like she's just got a glimpse of 40 and wanted to make sure she was in a different place when she gets there.

[MikeinAmerica]

Maybe I should ask her in the e-mail if that is her final decision? That scares me

[kai]

Hmmm weird situation. Anyway, if you want her back then don't act like a pussy. Don't try to contact her or something. It'll freak her out... that's the only possible way to get your ex back. If you'll be all crying in front of her, that's not gonna work.

[MikeinAmerica]

We didn't talk or see each other now for 2 weeks. I'm not sure if I should contact her now or if it's too early?

[MikeinAmerica]

The point is, I wanna figure out as soon as possible if that was her final decision. Otherwise I cannot move on.

[buldozed]

in my opinion...and please take this with a grain of salt...because despite being told by friends as well as info I read on line, I violated every good piece of advice I was given....4 wks is the universal NC rule....it's been two...if she reaches out (trys to pull you back)....be respectful, but push back...."thanks for the call/text", nice to hear from you...hope all is well in your world. I'd love to catch up but I'm meeting my boys in a bit". I give you a call later....Push/Pull theory....when she pushes...ease off....when she pulls....push back....he/she who cares least, controls the relationship.....

[MikeinAmerica]

thank you guys. I have that feeling that she won't contact me ... I guess I'll send her an e-mail soon and see what her reaction is. I still cannot believe it, I was on cloud nine and all of a suddan she breaks up

[kai]

Don't send her an e-mail. If you stop yourself from contacting her, half of the battle is won in getting over her. Please, for your sake, don't contact her.

[Moe]

Don't send her an e-mail. If you stop yourself from contacting her, half of the battle is won in getting over her. Please, for your sake, don't contact her.

Listen to the advice don't contact her. I didn't listen and now if nothing else I've lost my respect with the ex.
I posted some place in the last few months. I was dumped, I was as you said on cloud nine and one day the bomb. I had to have an answer, period on what went wrong. I tried not calling her, she contacted me daily, I tried not answering we ran into each other nearly daily, we talked of working things out and talked for hours sometime. The last two or three times we talked she disrespected me, She would call and just nearly hang up in the middle of a conversation, she text me with a question and just disappear, once while car to car in a parking lot she just put her window up and drove away in the middle of a sentence.
I tried calling her and left a message "I am not a dog and will not be disrespected by anyone". She called all mad and asked what that was for and I haven't heard from her since. I will not be disrespected by ANYONE. But now in the last two weeks I'm in hard no contact.
Last week I ran into an older gentleman from the church we used to go to sometime and he talked to her for an hour or so a week or two ago and she confided in him she wants to work it out. I'm a fine person, no drugs, alcohol, responsible loved her kids as my own. Don't ever allow your self to be DISRESPECTED no one is worth it.
I still love her to death but she will have to earn my trust and respect, it won't be easy or quick.

[MikeinAmerica]

thank you guys for your comments. I know that not contacting her would be the best way to deal with it. I was just thinking about sending her an e-mail because I wanna figure out because she was hesitating but I'm not sure if that was to calm me. I just want something like a final answer / decision asap otherwise I cannot move on. It's eating at me inside.

That's why I was thinking about sending her a farewell letter, just to say good bye and wish her all the best. THat I would like to do anyway within the next few weeks if she's not contacting me. She's an amazing girl (I love her and I wanna say thank you for the time we spent togehter. I always enjoyed our time together. Also, because we won't see each other anymore, it's impossible that we run into ech other. We're in the same city, but in a big one.