Ladies, tell me where I have gone wrong..

[wipe_out]

I have been reading loads of posts on this forum in the last few days and I think I have learned a lot although its fair to say a lot is still very confusing..

Let me tell you about me.. I am 35.. I am a "nice" guy.. I am a gentleman.. I treat women with respect.. I am caring.. I am affectionate.. I listen to what women have to say.. I think I am average looking.. I have a sense of humour.. etc..

I have always wondered why these traits were never enough.. I have always been single, in other words have never had a serious relationship.. Thats right, single for 35 years.. The Girlfriends and wives of my friends have always said they could never understand why I was single.. It would appear that women who were already with someone expressed what a "catch" I am yet single women don't give me the time of day..

So why am I so ridiculously unsuccessful with women?

Looking at others I have never understood why men who are complete assholes seem to be able to keep the most (in my opinion) amazing women.. I know so many examples..

What adds insult to injury is when they are fighting with these assholes they say things like "why can't I find a man who will treat me right".. I sometimes think they must be blind or something because I am standing right there.. All I can think is they don't actually want to be treated right because then there would be no drama in their lives.. I wonder why they don't leave these men who (again in my opinion) don't deserve them..

With the greatest respect in the world, women make no sense to me..

What do women ACTUALLY want? Do women even know?

Come on ladies.. Tell me what I need to know.. How do I make myself attractive to women (without having to become an asshole)?

[Gigabitch]

Well, I'm stumped.

Have these married ladies set you up with any of their friends? Sisters? If not, they might just be blowing smoke up your ass, trying to make you feel better.

[wipe_out]

That thought has crossed my mind but why would they.. Its not like I have asked them their opinions, they just came out with them..

[vashti]

I think you are correct in assuming that a lot of women like the drama associated with a bad relationship, sorry to say. And by the time they are old enough to wish for something different, there are usually other people's needs to consider (children), making escape more difficult.

[wipe_out]

So what would it take to provide the level of drama required to sustain a relationship without needing to be an asshole??

All seems a lot like mind games which I have to say drive me insane..

[Gigabitch]

Some people find insanity quite riveting. I say try it on.

[bloodtippedrose]

Theres a guy I work with, hes decent looking, really nice, compliments you all the time, has jokes, treats everyone with respect, hard worker.. but hes never had sex or a girlfriend.
Why I would never date him: he apologizes ALL the time! He has nothing to apologize for. Everytime he watches tv and laughs, he apologizes because it was an "offensive" joke. anything people do that is slightly mean, even in jest he refers to as "disrespectful." I have 100% confidence that he would shower a woman with everything he has but personally, being around him makes me nauseous. he has to grow some balls and have opinions. He can easily be stepped on and thats not attractive.

[MisfitToy]

Above poster is right. "Nice" guys can be too nice. It's annoying. Girls like nice guys, but not doormats or puppy dogs that just want to please you.

It's hard to verbalize, but a guy needs to have an independent and confident quality, even a little assertive. We all like a bit of alpha male to a guy.

Try not acting TOO interested. Like instead of asking a girl "Wanna go to a movie with me?" say "I'm going to see ------ this weekend, want to come?" Make it seem like you have your own life, personality, and goals outside her, and it might entice her to chase a bit.

[Graham Berkeley]

Straight woman are genetically designed to be attracted to alpha males, unless they are wired wrong and attracted to emos, that being said being anything other than an alpha male will get you nothing.

Look at it like this. Were all Animals. We as men want the biggest tits and firmest ass because we are institutionally aware that these women are better capable of off springing and caring for our young. Likewise woman are attracted to power to protect them and their young. If you can't be dominant and alpha male then strut your cash around. Money = power and is the reason even the ugliest men can catch the hottest women.

"But I want her to love me for me" well guess what? Not gona happen anymore than you would love an ugly, depressed, dependent and clingy woman.

[Gigabitch]

I think you're a diamond in the rough, wipe out. If some smart woman sees your potential, she'll shine you right up, but none of them can see it. I don't know why. You must have SOME idea.

[ellie]

No need to play mind games. Confidence is very attractive and usually the reason women seem to always choose 'assholes'. Also yeah, a certain amount of 'drama' as you call it is something a lot of women need, although I wouldn't call it drama, but you need a partner who has his own life and can stand his ground, i.e. doesn't follow you around everywhere you go. Not saying you're doing any of this, but some do. Someone who agrees to anything you say and will do anything to please you - well that is a good trait, but it is not very stimulating in the long run.

[wipe_out]

I think you're a diamond in the rough, wipe out. If some smart woman sees your potential, she'll shine you right up, but none of them can see it. I don't know why. You must have SOME idea.

I can honestly say I have no idea what I have been doing wrong.. From whats been said here maybe I have just been too nice and should have been a little less nice (in the beginning anyway)..

It seems a common thread that confidence is a HUGE factor.. Maybe I need to pretend I am more confident than I actually am.. Isn't that what a lot of people do anyway??

So where do I find the smart women who can see the potential and shine me up?

[ellie]

No, don't pretend. No pretending Be yourself, and keep being your nice self! Niceness is good. Just keep yourself busy by having an active life style (and let people know you have an active life, it is very attractive) and be a little less agreeable and available. Don't be afraid of having an opinion. Also, maybe try and date a different type of women? Perhaps you've been seeing just the type of women who don't appreciate nice guys?

[wipe_out]

No, don't pretend. No pretending Be yourself, and keep being your nice self! Niceness is good. Just keep yourself busy by having an active life style (and let people know you have an active life, it is very attractive) and be a little less agreeable and available. Don't be afraid of having an opinion. Also, maybe try and date a different type of women? Perhaps you've been seeing just the type of women who don't appreciate nice guys?

Myself isn't the outgoing alpha male that seems to be extremely attractive but I hear you.. Pretending never works in the long run..

I probably am attracted to the women who don't appreciate whats right in front of them.. The ones who aren't willing to take a small risk for a big reward..

I know one day I will make someone very happy and hopefully she does the same for me.. Just wish that day would hurry up..