why am i so needy? need help!

[xebra11]

Hey everyone,

just a quick background on me, i have been in a relationship for 5 years, broke up 2 years ago, been single since, and now since 3, 4 months ago, i started this relationship with this girl. we are great together, we are happy and excited and have a GREAT time. never argue or anything, all is always under control and we openly talk to each other about everything and have nothing to hide.

now, recently i am starting to see that i am really needy. i never knew this about myself. but i come from a family that shows no love. we don't show love to each other. mom and dad are seperated and mom lives far apart and i have my brother. we care for each other alot. but i think we don't show love. now here, in my relationship, i show alot of love.. and she holds back a bit and is not as lovey dovey as i am. but she shows love too, i know this because i feel loved when i'm with her.

i'm seeing that i want to be with her everyday.. and i'm becoming obsessed with alot of things we do. we do spend almost all our weekends together and it's all always just great. and i never want it to end. i'm still trying to understand what is wrong with me. i'm always in charge of my life and am fully aware of everything. but this.. i seem to have no control.. i don't want to draw her away from me... or scare her off... i know she needs her time on her own, to do her things.. and i DO give her her space, but i find it very difficult for myself... any ideas?

what's happening to me?

[kai]

I think you are afraid of losing her. Just chill and don't be so needy. If you'll then you'll definitely lose her.

[xebra11]

I think you are afraid of losing her.

thanks. i agree. i know that too. she is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. she really makes me happy and i hadn't felt like that in years. and all girls around me in the past few years have been the opposite of what she is now.. so this makes her really special to me. but i know i need to chill out.
i do.. but it's hard.. but i know i HAVE to do it..

[Primo]

Some people are more needy than others when it comes to affection. There's nothing wrong with you, it's a part of your personality :-) Don't smother her, but be yourself.

[girl68]

you need friends and you need hobbies- get some. occupy yourself. there is nothing worse than a partner consumed by the other partner.

[xebra11]

thanks, but see the thing is i have a lot of friends and alot of hobbies.. i am quit busy at all times, but a part of me always wants to be with her... it's just nuts.. this is why i'm writing here and asking.. cuz i'm never like this.. i have a lot of people especially girls around me.. she just has this affect on me..

[Gigabitch]

Well, it's a good thing you found this forum. You can get all mushy and needy here and never annoy her one bit.

Go ahead. Tell us about her wonderfulness. Try to induce tooth decay with your sweetness.

[Okay]

I kind of understand how you feel, I am in a similar situation. My minds always on my boyfriend and I'm aware of it, and its driving me slightly nuts, but at the same time I can't help it. :S

[Aeradalia]

She provides you with far more affection than you're used to and had secretly craved. Now that you have this, you fear losing it and are taking at least two approaches. In one approach you're trying to soak up as much of this affection as you can until it's gone. In another approach, you're clinging to her hoping you can keep her from disappearing.

It's kind of like a man who was raised starving his whole life and is suddenly given as much food as he could want at any time he wanted. Much like the man in this example, you'll have to learn to relax. The love will still be there... and you'll survive in case it isn't. You know this because you've grown up in a family with significantly less love. So just enjoy what you have found with her in moderation. Pay more attention to the nice quiet moments and less on the need to bask yourself in her affection like there's no tomorrow.

Slow down and pace yourself... there's no need to rush

[Cbrider]

Self control is just as important as love in a lot of ways.

[IncognitoSir]

Self control is just as important as love in a lot of ways.

That makes a lot of since. Listen to this man, he speaks the truth.

[SammyLC]

You need to understand that by being so needy you are stifling her. A relationship is not healthy if the two of you are stuck together like glue. Where is the trust? If your relationship is rock solid then you should trust her whilst she's away from you and vice versa. Giving each other space also keeps the relationship fresh and when you reunite, you can't wait to see each other and it keeps the relationship exciting. I can relate a bit to your situation as I was at a time also needy and desperate for togetherness and affection . You need to work on yourself and try and put the past behind you. Develop new interests and hobbies that involve your friends and give your girlfriend space.

[xebra11]

Hi,

i don't think i have any trust issues. i trust her with all i have and have no problems with er being on her own and doing things. i think other people especially "Aeradalia" grasped a good idea of what's wrong with me..

thanks though

[Shino]

Maybe because of you're too care about her, that's why...~

[WorkInProgress]

I can relate OP. I have discovered that I am very needy in dating. Was never like this before or during my 16 year marriage, but in the last year of dating I feel obsessed in my thinking and "need" to be around any woman that I am dating. I have come to this forum for help, advice, and compassion. People that are not needy do not understand the "obsession". I think the key is to understand what drives the obsession. For me I think it is fear of the relationship failing, but by being needy I almost gaurentee that it will fail.

Best of luck OP!