How can you break a pack-rat? It's killing me please..

[bloodtippedrose]

My parents live in filth. They have a bloodhound that sheds everywhere and two ferrets that they never clean the cage of (If you've ever smelled a ferret you know how powerful it can get.) On top of that they have boxes and boxes EVERYWHERE from moving a few years ago.

My dads huge garage is filled with crap, he's an ebay addict so when he wants one of something, he buys ten. The front yard has tons of vehicles and lawnmowers and who knows what else. The house is just as bad, there's tons of furniture, old, new and broken.. a million half full bottles of different shampoos, and perfumes they never use.. books, old papers, receipts, vases that never see flowers, pans, bowls, Christmas decor that stays up all year.. Anything and everything you can imagine.

They've had a really really hard last 3 years so I wanted to make them happy and less stressed with a clean house. Me and my boyfriend have been taking time off to come down once every couple weeks and clean but everytime we leave, we come back and whatever we cleaned is messy, whatever space we cleared is cluttered.. Also the shitty broken furniture and chairs etc that I put in the truck to go to the dump were removed! Everything I try throwing away is taken back out!

Ive bought them books about managing clutter and they've became clutter themselves, Ive organized rooms, threw away bags and bags of shit at a time but when I do that they go and buy things from yard sales to replace it. If you try to talk to them about it they revert to anger, my dad will say "well all my kids took a hike, I have to do shit myself, you can all go to hell!" and my mom will always makes excuse i.e. "I havent had a day off! Ive been sick! Ive been stressed out!" Yet they SAY they want it clean and my dad seems to try but what he really does is just scatter the stuff around. Im not asking for miracles, just go through one box a day or something!

My boyfriend will still help me but he says there's no point, that you cant help people who won't help themselves. I understand that but I dont want to just give up, I want them to live in a nice clean house for once. I thought of gathering stuff that's never used and seeing if they notice its gone at all then just donating it but Id feel guilty doing that. Maybe I could sell it behind their backs and give them the money? I dont know! :'(

Please tell me if I can do if anything to get them to clean or change their mindset or stop them from buying shit or something! Is there any way to motivate them or should I give up? They're immune to ultimatums.

[Cbrider]

My boyfriend will still help me but he says there's no point, that you cant help people who won't help themselves.

This is the answer. Its an established and accepted way of life for them and that wont change with any amount of outside help.

P.S. NEVER EVER let your roommate get a cat when his room looks like tornado alley to begin with. Cat for sale.

[Illusional]

move out.. being that your parents are already set in their ways, it's highly unlikely that they will change anytime soon.

raverboy

[bloodtippedrose]

I dont live with my parents I live an hour and a half away with my boyfriend

[Illusional]

oh.. then why does this bother you so much??

raverboy

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

You're only putting unnecessary stress on yourself. This is something they have to overcome on their own.

Whenever I used to bring up my mother's drinking problem to her, she'd tell me she's a grown woman and she can do what the hell she wants.

I used to let her drinking bother me but I let it go because I was stressed out about it and it really took a toll on my day(s).

So until they take the initiative to make a change, you should really stop trying to change them. You're only hurting yourself in the process.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it.

[Illusional]

that's exactly what i'm saying. if rosey doesn't live there anymore, then why bother??

raverboy

[bloodtippedrose]

Yeah you guys are completely right. I could spend thousands of dollars on professionals coming in and cleaning it and I guarantee instead of thanking me they would be screaming and kicking the professionals out for DARING to throw out a rusted piece of metal (Do you know what that is?! )

My parents drink too. not just like casual oh lets have a nice time drink. Everyday, psycho, crying, breaking stuff, not remembering drinking. I think if you drink like that and you're not willing to get any kind of help then you have a weak mind and there's no talking too or convincing someone with a weak mind. My dad's drinking has got him arrested, dui's, health problems, lost his job of 25yrs for rolling a company truck while 3 times over the blood alcohol limit, court ordered to go to AA and a psychologist.. STILL didnt stop him from drinking. He cant face up to his problems and this clutter is one of them.
Thinking I could change that is like me trying to be not only be a professional cleaner but a professional psychologist and doctor and therapist at the same time.
You guys are right. Instead of fretting about making them happy when (like my bf said..) they can't even make themselves happy.. I should just focus on making MY apartment gorgeous and having a happy life where they failed at.
I'll still love them and help them on a project if they ask me too but I wont be wasting my gas and days off I have to make a miracle happen with their house.
Its bullshit with how much time Ive already wasted. I should have known better when I cleaned the first room and I didnt hear one thank you.

[vashti]

They may be mentally ill. Seriously.

[url]http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/health/2002539964_healthhoarding05m.html[/url]

[Gigabitch]

You can't fix these people, Rose. You just can't. I know we all want to try to make our parents into the people we want them to be, but it's always a waste of time. I have parental frustrations too and I've had to learn that no matter how much I wish it were different, this is the life they've chosen and it's what makes them comfortable.

[Disillusioned]

Get the fire marshall to have a look at it. I'm confident there ought to be a few violations based on how you've described it.