Problem with girlfriend

[onemessedup]

I've been with my girl for 2 years. I find her verbally abusive. She blames it on me being deserving to her verbal abuse.

Here's the latest scenario. I am a christian, and it's just my preference to not hear about buddhism. It's subjective and I believe I have the right to request so. We were talking bout religion and when we got home, she suddenly purposedly pop the question I asked to her mum, in which I say...Dear...Don't!

But she go ahead with it, hence her mum without knowing my feelings, come with a long lecture on buddhist praying and buddhist god. No offence on buddhist here, but I am a Christian, and my preference is not to hear all this crap. I then stayed there for quite some time to hear her lectures without a chance to retaliate or give my opinion because I just need to respect the elderly, nevermind...I am done. Walk back to the room with my black face, my gf saw it and say out loud, see mum, he's angry...he's angry. Her mum comes and say hey, you shouldn't be angry, I am only telling you an opinion, nothing else. I kept my mouth shut in the room, she knocked on the door and I have to go out for another round of lecture about how she's only telling me how buddhist pray. Mind you, I was a buddhist before and I told her that. I know whatever you have told me. At that time I was already pissed, cause the second time round I told my gf, don't push it already.

Later, my gf got pissed with me and thinks I am wuss for being angry at such ridiculous stuff. I told her, it's ridiculous to you not me. SHe said it was just a joke. I said, don't joke about it when I already forewarned you I don't like. NOt only that, i forewarned you twice and twice you pushed it.

I kept my mouth shut and before I go back, I kiss her cheek and tell her I am going back, she said go away I don't need you in my life, you pussy!

Mind you this is not the first time she calls me that, and I already told her how much I hated that.

Next day I message her to tell her, that I would need some certain amount of respect from her, not calling names like that.

She replied by asking me to go away cause she does not need to tolerate a weak pussy like me, and that she needs a real man.

That hurts the hell out of me because everytime she gets angry, she hurl hurtful words at me and saying if I am mature enough, I'd be able to handle it. Which mature man would be able to let his woman call him and talk to him like that? Anyone? Enlighten me.

WHen I try to talk sense into her, she said I am just weak and immature and it's all about my attitude.

She still haf not apologised but msg me to ask me to stay over tonite, then I asked her : For wat?

She say, just come.
I told her, if you're going to continue calling me names and insulting me like that, what's the point? If we make up tonight, next time the same thing will happen again. If you can promise me not to call offensive names like that again, I'll be there.

Her reply : I can if you stop being one!

What the?

So I ask her, next time I feel your mum is a pest I will tell her she's an idiot, and if you can support me for that, I will tolerate u.

She answered : Don't provoke me to call you names again. You don't want that right?

I answered : No. I don't NEED that. I am looking for a wife, not a mother or a boss. You're just one arrogant..bla bla bla.

I just can't take it anymore as I have been name called by her thousands of times and I endured it up till now. I can imagine how life would suck for me if I do marry her. Please advise.

[Bumble_bee]

doesn't sound very healthy to me, I wouldn't want to be with a potty mouth like that anyway...

[girl68]

For kicks it would be priceless for you to exit saying:

A pussy would stay with a gal like you, a real man walks away to find a real woman.

[Gigabitch]

Why the HELL would you consider marrying someone who does not share your beliefs? Do you have any idea what these fights are going to be like when you start arguing about how to raise your kids?

[misombra]

what a bitch.

[onemessedup]

Sometimes I hope more people can tell her that. Sometimes I wish more people can see what's going on. According to her, this is just me being sensitive.
She told me an ordinary mature man would've taken this as a joke and be ok with it.

I can admit to a state that perhaps I am not exactly that normal. I have just weird preferences on certain issues. But the fact is that, when I tell you don't do it, it simply means I don't like it. But if you insist and go ahead and do it, I don't think you have the rights to be calling me sensitive isn't it? Not everyone takes joke the same way.

I don't see those as jokes, and I just don't like it period. Do I need to have a valid reason why I shouldn't like it? Or do I need to just like it because according to general people this is a joke? Don't I have my right to dislike something other people like?

A lot of men likes to go to the prostitute and they think it's fine. I don't think it's fine, hence I hate it. So that she is ok with. If something is for her, she's fine, something she doesn't like..then I have to follow the standards of the world suddenly, asking me to step out of the box and be mature.

That's her classic attack. If I don't do what she thinks I should do, I am immature. She can throw her tantrum and all, and when I react towards it, she said I am immature, cause if I am. I would've handled it like a man and just shut the hell up.

I always believe feelings are controlled and subjective to ourselves. Why is it now she's telling me how I should feel?

I am so suppressed.

[Mish]

You are too sensitive and she is too aggressive, you don't sound like a good match

[doppelgaenger]

When it comes to difference of opinion or belief, it is important to acknowledge your bf/gf's side. If you can't tolerate even hearing about her religion, maybe this relationship isn't worth it.

[ayt]

I know a friend who had similar problem about religion, at the end one of them converted. Can I ask how thing are apart from the religion issue?

[onemessedup]

The underlying point here is not about the religion bout about respecting what I like and what I don't.
I am fine if she wants to tell me about her religion, I just told her not to get your mother involved in this.
And if this isn't about religion but about some other matter, eg : I don't like to eat cakes, and you force me to no matter what, I'd be angry as well cause you don't respect my preferences..

Thing is after forcing and I had to swallow it and when I show that I am not happy, she'd say I am a pussy and weak for not being man enough to be able to handle things properly. And call it all just for jokes.

How is that respectful? That when she force me to do something she feels must be ok, hence I must be ok with it, if I am not, then I am weak.

[onemessedup]

I know a friend who had similar problem about religion, at the end one of them converted. Can I ask how thing are apart from the religion issue?

When I don't show that I am angry or when I let her have everything her way, we're fine. Do you even think that's normal?
I told her she just want the easy way out to things...she can't handle ups and downs. She only want to see my smiley face, once its something she doesn't like....she'd be pissed. It's ok to be angry, but name calling, insults, putting down, really is degrading. And she never fails doign that. There are improvements.
She used to call me ugly, stupid, small, weak, useless, no manners, etc. Everything negative you name it, she's called me before.

If you love someone, would you do that?

[kai]

Dude, you need to break up with that girl man. Seriously, the next time she calls you anything, tell her to shut the f()ck up. This will tell her who is the real man. Stop being so nice and all.

And I agree with Girl68, say it when you break up with her.

[IndiReloaded]

She needs to learn the difference b/t a demand and a request.

A demand is not an acceptable way to communicate. It leaves no option to say no.

A request is optional and respects both people. Its open to discussion.

If you are cutting her off without listening to her concerns, that's not okay either.

[vashti]

You are too sensitive and she is too aggressive, you don't sound like a good match

I agree with this. Why are you threatened by hearing other people discuss their religious beliefs? God knows the Christians aren't exactly private about theirs...

[onemessedup]

She needs to learn the difference b/t a demand and a request.

A demand is not an acceptable way to communicate. It leaves no option to say no.

A request is optional and respects both people. Its open to discussion.

If you are cutting her off without listening to her concerns, that's not okay either.

This is very enlightening!!
Thanks!