Can't give her what she needs?

[Graham Berkeley]

I don't know anymore... Never knew someone happy to be so angry. She must be miserable. I wish I could help her... I love/d her so much...

After all this and a previously failed marriage to a woman... I'll never be able to look at a woman the same way again... Its just taken me these last 8 months to realize that...

[Cbrider]

First off, don't become so bitter and close minded that you write all women off as bad or change your whole view of them as a whole. You have been talking to completely normal and level headed women in this post, they exist.

There is a chain here. Her mother was a bitch of a woman, who passed her best and most treasured qualities onto her daughter. Her daughter had never been in a relationship and once in one, found that it was an outlet to pass off all the shit her mother passed to her. You are the unlucky bastard that this gets unloaded on.

The girl is a total space case, her marbles are scattered all over the room and her emotional window has been shattered and glued back together many times; its never the same again.

You're bringing yourself into range for her to lash out by having any contact with her what so ever. You should have completely ignored that email she sent you about your production. You unfortunately made your production with her involved and working with you. One of the downsides to sharing like that is that when shit hits the fan you just have to swallow your pride and let it go. The email was an open invitation to have contact in your mind. Believe me, she wanted you to email her back so she could shove it in your face.

I can't say I wouldn't burn a town to the ground to get my fair share of the production if I was in your situation, but as twisted as this all is now, I would just leave it. You absolutely, 100% need to avoid this woman. I don't care how much you loved her or how badly you feel for her, you need to be ANGRY. She is milking you like a cow and pushing you around because YOU are allowing it.

Stand up for yourself, do what YOU need to do to recover. She's a grown woman, you can't act like a guiding adult hand anymore, life is a free for all.

[Graham Berkeley]

Getting angry isnt the right thing. It will only make her feel right and justified. Getting angry is what got me here. I don't plan on having anymore contact with her but if it comes up I'll remain poised.

I think I helped create this situation by letting her get to me. If I had just ignored it from the beginning it wouldn't have turned into this.

[IndiReloaded]

Graham, not much to add to everyone elses post except a bit of advice on dealing with unstable people (had manage a few in my time).

1. Phone calls only & keep them brief. No emotional content. Say what you want, suggest how to get it, say thanks and hang up.

2. NEVER put anything in writing anywhere you aren't prepared to have posted on the NY Times website. Seriously. Even the internet is less anonymous than you think.

"Spoken words are gone with the wind. Written words are forever."

If you do write, its business only.

[Cbrider]

I don't mean angry in an outward sense, I mean angry at how she has treated you.

You don't need to go screaming at her to achieve what I was implying. Basically, you're letting her step all over you because you just wont shut her out. At some point you will feel enough hatred that the burning determination to remove her from you life will surface.

Until you come to that realization, you're going to be on defensive damage control - Basically just hanging on for the ride.

[jdm95si]

Moved and have been focusing on my carrier and dating.

Career * sorry that really bothered me

She sounds like someone with
BPD

i think someone explained it but its Bi-polar disorder

i grew up with a RAMPANT alcoholic and severely bipolar mother and it was absolute hell every single night. she would say anything she could to hurt me and my step dad. threatening divorce to him and telling me im the reason my father left us and he hates me aswell as herself.

luckily i learned that everything she said was bullshit from an early age but this sounds like your gf a lot. you remind me of my stepdad aswell which, might i say is absolutely miserable. he waits for her to change and stop saying hurtful things but it doesnt end man. only recently she got on a medication but its long road. he was miserable for 17 years of my life so far, is that what you want?

i agree with what everyone here says and im glad you seem to be taking note now. you dont want this in your life no matter what you will meet someone, maybe not this month or year but it will happen eventually and you will laugh at the days you spent worrying about your ex.

[Graham Berkeley]

Thanks for the advice, IndiReloaded. I wonder if she has already found my threads here. That would explain her mindset.

Cbrider, I can "move on" without resorting to anger. I understand what you are saying though.

I'm sorry to hear of the pain your own tail caused, jdm95si. My Ex is not an alcoholic nore was abusive until the end 2 months of the relationship. I either caused it or it came from external source. I'm thinking mommy.

you dont want this in your life no matter what you will meet someone, maybe not this month or year but it will happen eventually and you will laugh at the days you spent worrying about your ex.

Thanks but thats a naive, knee jerk, reply to something like this. It doesn't always turn out that way and in my case there are extenuating circumstances that will make that eventuality very improbable as to be impossible.

[Gigabitch]

Thanks but thats a naive, knee jerk, reply to something like this. It doesn't always turn out that way and in my case there are extenuating circumstances that will make that eventuality very improbable as to be impossible.

Oh, for Christ's sake, Graham. You sound like CAM. Everybody has a life full of extenuating circumstances. I don't feel sorry for you.

You can't fix her. You can pity her and you can be sorry it didn't work out, but you may as well spend your time in the terminal ward of the hospital trying to fix the cancer patients. The girl is broken, and you're not a miracle worker.

[jdm95si]

Thanks but thats a naive, knee jerk, reply to something like this. It doesn't always turn out that way and in my case there are extenuating circumstances that will make that eventuality very improbable as to be impossible.

saying that you will never meet another compatible person who enjoys the same things you do without screaming at you constantly is naive. Sounds like your making too big of deal of the demands of your job. As snoop dogg once said

"ni**a you knew the job was dangerous when you took it"

so if you are going to stay with her and try to work things out after we've given you our advice, then your wasting our time and chasing your own tail.

apparantly you only have two choices, because finding another person to date with your job is impossible.

#1. quit your job so you can find a sane person to date because apparantly your job makes it completely impossible even tho this nutjob accepted it or...

#2. stay with her and let her mentally and emotionally tear you asunder.

[Cbrider]

You can't fix her. You can pity her and you can be sorry it didn't work out

This will drag you to the absolute bottom rung of your ladder if you don't shake off this thinking.

Some people are just forever malfunctioning, sadly.

[Graham Berkeley]

Time and life heal wounds, Giga. Granted they usually turn into scars...

jdm95si, I think I should clarify. There is no "staying" with her. We broke up 9 months ago and haven't had much contact sense other than heart ache and drama. I know what I did to contribute to it. I just wish I had realized before.

#1. quit your job so you can find a sane person to date because apparantly your job makes it completely impossible even tho this nutjob accepted it or...
#2. stay with her and let her mentally and emotionally tear you asunder.

It isn't my job thats a problem. Its my way of life. Which I can't change. I wish I could explain but it wouldn't make sense right now.

There likelihood of finding another compatible woman who was half as good as her is so improbable as to be impossible and isn't worth entertaining such a silly idea. I need to just realize I played a role in this and move on with life and just suck it up and realize whats ahead of me and deal with it no matter how it looks from here...

[Gigabitch]

You're too young to be so cynical. You WILL find someone as good and less damaged. I only hope you don't blow it with her by comparing her too much to the Wicked Witch of the West Coast.