How long do you wait? Or do you not wait?

[TheZahir]

if I miss my ex, how long should i wait before asking her to see me? (go to lunch or get coffee) We ended on good terms, but i havent seen her for about a month and a half now, although she has texted occasionally, and we have spoken on the phone a couple of times. Idk i guess i just want to see her. Should i ask her or no?

[Primo]

Dude an ex is an ex for a reason. It takes time to get over someone and it's hard as hell, but you shouldn't be contacting her at all. Meet some other girls, go out on tons of dates, have a rebound relationship, those are all very fun things and even though you hurt, it will help heal you in the long run.

Going back to check on someone only prolongs the inevitable and one of these times she'll not answer you at all because a guy has replaced you while you've been sitting at home waiting to talk to her.

[jackyd232]

I agree with Primo that you need to stay away. Take time for yourself, heal, get your emotions under control and clear your head. The more casual contact you have (text, phone calls) the harder it will be to get to that state of mind. You'll be surprised what a couple weeks of not seeing or hearing from them will do. Once you have sincerely done all that you can decide if you even want to get her back. Your feeling might have changed and you don't want her back.

I disagree "an ex is an ex for a reason and you shouldn't go backwards". People break up for all kinds of reasons and it doesn't mean the love has died. If you still want her after healing YOURSELF, then it's time to try and get her back. Call her up for a get together, lunch or something and SHOW her out you've bettered yourself. Don't try and get her back, it didn't work before and it's not going to work right away now. Just have fun and let her enjoy your company.

[Primo]

There's exceptions Jacky, but how many times we have seen or participated in the back 'n forth game until it finally ends. It's a common theme unfortunately. It's hard to let go, but usually best.

Zahir, it's ok to text once in awhile or shoot a quick email to see how she's doing, but it sounds like you're waiting around to get back together. That's going to get you hurt even more.

Go out, have fun, meet someone. You'll be happier and also have a different aura about you if you do have coffee with your ex or something down the road.

[amy9]

I agree with the above as well... if I was the girl (being a girl myself) I would rather know that my ex is happy living his life without me if we broke up. Otherwise we might as well stay together.

It takes time to get over someone and it also takes *other people* to help you. Other people being other girls to spend time with. All in agreement? Case closed?

Happy Happy

[damn2008]

I'll share my experience with this...

I split with my ex- of 3.5 years about a little over a year ago. This was like early Feb 2008. We talked on-and-off for like a month but eventually I was like "no contact". Our relationship had slowly been deteriorating prior to this break-up so it was hard but easy at the same time. I would meet up with her around late June-July '08 for dinner and discovered that she was engaged. I had a hint of that from a FB message her cousin sent her but it was basically confirmed when we had dinner. I was hurt, but not surprised..I figured it made her easier to move on because she had someone "waiting" for her anyways...the guy is 12 years her senior (I was around 25 at the time)...whatever.

It was tough and we shared a lot of feelings. At the end of the night, the tears flowed and we really missed what we both had but recognized we're moving in different directions.

We work for the same organization but in different buildings, so we would chat on Instant Messenger. We would eventually meet for dinner again early here in 2009 and it was much calmer and relaxed...more like friends but she seemed a little nervous. Don't know why.

To this day, we still talk on IMs almost every day...but it's about friendly stuff. We did have times where we addressed "unanswered" questions about our relationship...but ultimately moved on from that. We are friends, but we don't hang out and there's really no reason to...she's married and I've got my own life.

Ultimately the time will be what you determine...but you at first need to figure out what seeing them is for...final closure? checking up? getting back together?