Mixed Messages Not Sure What to Think

[Confused_One]

Hi There,

I have been in a long term relationship for 5 plus years now and am in my early mid twenties. I love this girl. On the other hand, sex has been so so. She pleasures me and I pleasure her, but actual intercourse doesn't work so well. It works sometimes, but other times it hurts her and we have to stop, it is really the only problem. I have just dealt with it and know that she tries her best she has made appointments and received help. It's better then the beginning, but still a bit of a problem. I have never looked elsewhere or cheated. She is my first love.

Now this summer, we went on vacation with her best friend, twice. We hung out a lot and she has sort of become my friend. This girl is single and really looking for a relationship for like 4-5 years now. She has been in and out of bad ones.

We hung out all together before this summer and I never really thought much of her best friend, she is cute, but nothing ever came up in my mind.

Things started happening that started making my mind wander.

When we sleep over with her or her with us, often times in the morning she will come into the bed next to my girlfriend before we get up to start the day. We are awake, but just lying in the bed.

While camping, on the last night our fire was dying at like 10:30 and we had no wood, my girlfriend suggested that if the fire died we could move the party into our tent (which consisted of no room besides the mattress and sleeping bags). The party consisted of me, my girlfriend and her friend (who had her own tent).Other friends were with us before, but they left a day before. We found wood and ended up staying out till late and then going back to our respective tents.

While at a social gathering I was slow dancing with my girlfriend on a couples song. My girlfriend whispers to me, my friend looks lonely, could you take her for the rest of this slow dance? I said no at first. But, she pushed me so I did, her friend was reluctant at first, but she accepted and thanked me after.

Then we were going out on the weekend out of town (we live in a place away from most of our family and friends). After going out we needed a place to sleep. My girlfriend is like my friend can have us over to sleep. She had a big smile and she raised her eyebrows twice when she said that (what is that supposed to mean?).

My girlfriend asks me to check something on messenger about her friend, I tell her I don't have her on MSN and my girlfriend is like "why? You should add her".

I know girls think a lot different then guys and all these things probably mean nothing in their eyes. But, for a guy things have been coming to mind and I have sort of developed feelings for the best friend, but I still love my girlfriend.

I spoke to my best guy friend about this a bit and he said yeah, girls do this and they think nothing of it and have no idea how guys think. He said he had received provocative pictures of his girlfriend with her best friend saying she was open to anything. They visited him and nothing happened, he asked her about it and she said that it was just to show him she was open to a lot of things.

My girlfriend has told me she wants our sex life to work and she always has worried about me leaving her for that and I haven't and I won't. She has told me things like "you are good looking, over 6'3" and tanned, other girls will come after you and I would understand if you wanted to leave me because of our sex life". I think these feelings have subsided for her a bit, because she hasn't said those things in a little while. It bothered me when she said that stuff.

I am not jealous, we had a break once and I know she was into someone else (she didn't cheat physically, but she was torn). She wanted the break. This was over 3 years ago, things have been good since then. I never confronted her about the other guy, she doesn't know I found out. I wouldn't confront her and like I said it is not something that bothers me and I am not sure why. I am really not a jealous person by nature.

I would never cheat on her with her best friend, it's wrong on so many levels and her friend would never do it either, she is a good person. I don't even have a read on what her friend thinks of me, she likes me as a friend and that could be all and in a sense thats how I hope she feels.

But, sometimes I feel like my girlfriend is like trying to send messages with all these things we do with her best friend that aren't normal.

I mean, I wouldn't invite my best guy friend into the bed with us in the morning, nor would I invite him into our tent at night or ask my girlfriend to slow dance with him because he is lonely.

Sometimes I just want to say what I have been feeling, but I know it will make things awkward with her best friend and I wouldn't want to screw up their relationship and I do see her friend as my friend as well now. So far I have been just holding my questions in and hoping that this will all blow over. I mean they are really bestest best friends and that is part of the reason the 3 of us end up doing a lot together.

Am I reading too much into this? Is it normal for girlfriends to use their boyfriends to make their single friends feel less lonely??? At first I never questioned her coming into the bed in the morning, but then all these other things started happening and got my mind wandering.

I mean when talking to my girlfriend about her friend's problems with her ex's, she says to me "she needs a strong man like you in her life".

Anyways some female advice and analysis would probably help me get over this or how to deal with these feelings.

I'm not against a threesome or anything like that, but only if it is cause thats what my girlfriend wants. Even if it is what she has though about, I am worried that this could mess things up.

Like I said I have never cheated and I'm not going to cross that line, but I'd imagine the feelings I'm having are feelings a lot of people have at some point or time in their relationship.

Sorry for the long story and thank you for the help.

[Confused_One]

I hope nobody thinks I'm sleaze.

I could really use some other people's answers and opinions.

I feel awful about these feelings and wish they never came up. I catch myself thinking about my partner's best friend and then get upset with myself. But, it's just hard to bottle them away and not being able to talk with some people openly about my feelings is making this harder to deal with.

I thank everyone in advance for their opinions or suggestions.

[lala0455]

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have a great day

[jayne]

I see nothing wrong with sharing beds or letting my best friend dance with my boyfriend, she obviously trusts you. So don't worry about that. It is purly girl stuff.

However for her to worry that you may leave her, she is showing alot of insecurites. Stay attentive to her, make her feel pretty.

Try spending longer on forplay so she can relax more.

[girl68]

I think it's effin' hella weird.

Me in bed with my bf is alone time. You knock, one of us will meet you at the door. Never would anyone be invited in (BFF's included!)

Party in a tent- well sure, it's camping.

Ask her BFF to dance? Maybe, so long as it's out of pity (sorry, but it's the truth if you WANT to dance with my BFF, I'm not going to be pleased). And so long as it ain't a closer dance than me and my bf.

Ok seriously, the bed part throws me through a loop- that's what KIDS do...

[ellie]

Agree with girl68, I also find the bed thing slightly odd. Pity slow dancing is okay once or twice I guess, but the rest... Could be "girly stuff", maybe your gf is not even aware of the messages she's sending, but the idea that you might get the wrong idea so to speak must have at least crossed your gf's mind at least once.

But again, maybe she just trusts you.

I'd never encourage my bf like that though, unless I wanted a threesome, but then I'm also a very jealous person.

Why don't you try and have a talk about it?
If it gets to you, you should be able to speak to her.

[Gigabitch]

I think you should rent Big Love and watch it with her. Start a conversation about sharing with a capital S.

[vashti]

I don't have a problem with the dancing, but having a friend in bed is.... different.

[Confused_One]

Well thats it, you know it's in the morning which obviously isn't the same as sleeping at night. But, I'm in the bed no shirt and boxer and my girlfriend a t-shirt and boxers and same for her friend.

One time my girl friend just left the bed to go to the kitchen and left us there by ourselves lmao. Her friend left like 5 seconds after, obviously it was a little awkward...

The tent thing I found a bit weird just because it's like pitch black and a two person tent, what did my girlfriend honestly think we would do till 1:00 in the morning in there? Talk yes, but I'm sorry for a guy, other things are going to cross his mind, no matter how committed.

Thanks for the comments and insight thus far, it is appreciated and lets me look at things more objectively.

[girl68]

Well thats it, you know it's in the morning which obviously isn't the same as sleeping at night. But, I'm in the bed no shirt and boxer and my girlfriend a t-shirt and boxers and same for her friend.

awkward...

Morning, night... another girl in my bed, with my man ain't gonna fly. Morning, night, afternoon nap... always...

awkard!

[Confused_One]

Forgot to mention that last time we were at her friends, just before leaving my girlfriend is like "I'm tired, we should all just take a nap together"... It was after a night of partying, but like 1:00 in the afternoon and we were on our way out.

Sometimes I wonder if she is trying to get her friend and I used to each other and then she is going to pop the threesome question. But, on the other hand she really really isn't that kind of girl and I don't think her friend is either. But, I really can't know, I'm not in their mind either. Maybe they just act this way when I am not there and just continue to act like that when I am there... Who knows.

Anyways, if nothing has crossed my girlfriend's mine, I guess I can say she really really doesn't know how a guys minds works. Even though I have told her a few times that guys tend to think about sex a lot lol.

[lastwish]

She either trusts you or she is testing you to see if you will stray. Unless she actually tells you she wants a threesome, put the thought away and you won't see trouble.

[Confused_One]

She either trusts you or she is testing you to see if you will stray. Unless she actually tells you she wants a threesome, put the thought away and you won't see trouble.

I know that she isn't testing me, that is for sure. She is trusting as am I. Maybe she has a feeling of what I am thinking, but knows I won't do anything....

I understand what you are saying, but putting that though away isn't easy as pie, thats why I came here.

[Confused_One]

I think you should rent Big Love and watch it with her. Start a conversation about sharing with a capital S.

Never saw that show, but what exactly do you mean?

[vashti]

It's a show about polygamy. HBO. It's pretty good, too.