I don't know what to do tomorrow, need anyone's help please !

[Hoda89]

Two years ago I was in a realtionship with a boy, he told me he loved me, and was worried that our parents will say something if they knew we were talking from behind their backs. And out of a sudden and with no convincing reason he told me I don't want you anymore, and when I asked him why he said that what we did was wrong.
Now after two years his father died just yesterday, and I am supposed to go to the funeral tomorrow, and I don't know what to do or how to act if i saw him anywhere near me, I need anyone's advice.
The problem is I still love him even more than before and I can't forget him. His father was my father's best friend and his sister is my friend too, though not that close but we still know the whole family, and I really hope he still loves me. I think so because his excuse for not wanting me is something I already know, and during our relationship he kept pointing to that reason many times and our parents not knowing about us seemed to be a problem to him, and now he broke up with me for that reason for the 5th time maybe !
I don't know why I still have hope.
Anyone tell me how to act tomorrow at the funeral PLEASE !

Note: He has failed two years in his university and now is going to his last year, thought maybe you should all now cause I felt like maybe that is why he couldn't propose because he was still in college

[Chazza2k]

Secret relationships really struggle to work well in any circumstances, take it from me who was in one for nearly 2 years. What happens is you isolate yourself from people around you friends or family and basically trust in the other person until the lie gets too big or the other person feels its not worth the effort anymore, then it all ends all you have is the past lies you told, that and a load of guilt.

I can see you still have feelings for the guy, but really you have to ask yourself what were the reasons for not telling everyone about you both, was what you were doing so wrong? Why did you feel it necessary to cover it all up? Who were you both protecting and against what? Why instead of breaking up with you (for the 5th time) did he not tell everyone you were together or you tell everyone?Think carefully about that. Remember too its been 2 years he's probably moved on by now even if you haven't.

If you see him at the funeral then be nice, its going to be a difficult time for him. I would however think very seriously if you want to get back with him, remember he dumped you protecting the lie (5times) if you do decide thats what you want, make sure the only way it can happen is everything out in the open, no more secrets. If you tell him that upfront and he says, thats not what he wants, then DO NOT get involved as it will all play out exactly the same again.

Remember the only wrong thing you both did was keeping all this to yourself, I know at the time that seems the right thing to do, I'm sure you learned that its not, as did I.

[Carmen]

Just wait to talk about your feelings with him...not a good time for him right now-

[Hoda89]

Secret relationships really struggle to work well in any circumstances, take it from me who was in one for nearly 2 years. What happens is you isolate yourself from people around you friends or family and basically trust in the other person until the lie gets too big or the other person feels its not worth the effort anymore, then it all ends all you have is the past lies you told, that and a load of guilt.

I can see you still have feelings for the guy, but really you have to ask yourself what were the reasons for not telling everyone about you both, was what you were doing so wrong? Why did you feel it necessary to cover it all up? Who were you both protecting and against what? Why instead of breaking up with you (for the 5th time) did he not tell everyone you were together or you tell everyone?Think carefully about that. Remember too its been 2 years he's probably moved on by now even if you haven't.

If you see him at the funeral then be nice, its going to be a difficult time for him. I would however think very seriously if you want to get back with him, remember he dumped you protecting the lie (5times) if you do decide thats what you want, make sure the only way it can happen is everything out in the open, no more secrets. If you tell him that upfront and he says, thats not what he wants, then DO NOT get involved as it will all play out exactly the same again.

Remember the only wrong thing you both did was keeping all this to yourself, I know at the time that seems the right thing to do, I'm sure you learned that its not, as did I.

Well it wasn't all a secret actually, my mother and father knew everything, and so did his, it is just that each side didn't know that the other already knew it is a bit complicated I know, and he already had told his father to come ask permission to marry me and he agreed the problem was with his mother she told him you were still young.
We only made it a secret because our traditions prevent boys and girls to talk secretly unless it really is true, and it was, I just don't know what happened, it is so confusing, I've been thinking of this over and over for the past couple of years, and I hate my life for that !

[Chazza2k]

That does sound differnet than what I orgionally thought the situation was, apologies for me getting it wrong. If everybody knew then the problem was something else? Perhaps deep down he agreed with his mother and thought the he was too young for marriage? Its really hard to know unless you ask him?

A funeral though isn't a good time for all this I'd agree, you could though always ask to meet up with him in a few days/weeks after?

Another one here who likes to repeat things over and over to try to get an answer for something, ultimately its impossible though to work out because they were his reasons. Only way too know is to ask him.

[loudrims_inc]

Well it wasn't all a secret actually, my mother and father knew everything, and so did his, it is just that each side didn't know that the other already knew it is a bit complicated I know, and he already had told his father to come ask permission to marry me and he agreed the problem was with his mother she told him you were still young.
We only made it a secret because our traditions prevent boys and girls to talk secretly unless it really is true, and it was, I just don't know what happened, it is so confusing, I've been thinking of this over and over for the past couple of years, and I hate my life for that !

yea its a sucky situation to be in...im with my gf now...my family knows we are bf and gf BUT her family doesnt know anything because they do those "arranged marriages"...thats what they beleive in...but my gf doesnt. She wants to marry someone she really loves and will be happy with for the rest of her life and im that guy who has those duties. It gets extremely stressful once and a while especially when her parents ask her to come back home(yepp u guessed it, arranged marriage). I told her i will always love her no matter what happens...I been there for her thru the hardest times and she really really does appreciate that. The thing is tho, if she ever decided to go back home, i will never ever talk or see her again(not by choice)...theres alot more to the story(trust me, ALOT more) but i dont want to bore u. The moral to the story is, shes not letting her parents run her life and tell her who she can and cant marry...What we have is true love and she knows this, so thats why she is with me.

[Hoda89]

I wish u both the best of luck, and if u both are meant to be together then you will no matter what happens, and if she loves she'll do the impossible to be with you. It is just that some people have different circumstances, and with his mother's disapproval and for him failing two years, it is already hard on him, that is why i am waiting for him because I still love him no matter what he did. I just hope for the best really.
You didn't bore me or anything and thanks for your reply =)
you be good to your girlfriend, she loves u

[loudrims_inc]

thanks...i wish u the best of luck also...sometimes all we can do is wait...