I dont understand her...

[tallymaboo]

Hi,

Reffering to my previous post on this forum, we eventually split up, her stating she wanted to start a new chapter in her life.

She asked me not to text/call so I didn't yet two days later she contacts me on MSN saying she wanted to know how I was (I told her - cut up/confused) - she later said she wanted to be friends and has been on MSN every night since, and talking to me.

When we were going out, soon before we split she stopped coming on MSN so much and was not very talkative to me at all.

It feels weird that she's suddenly talking to me so friendly so soon after splitting.

Is it strange behaviour? Or normal? Or...?

[Gigabitch]

Um, so your ex is bossing you around and tells you to get on msn every night? And you're complying...why?

[tallymaboo]

Oh no, she just comes online when I am on (most of the time unless I am at Uni or out) and she talks to me. I am not one for being evil, so I am talking to her, keeping things civil

[girl68]

^ Not sure she's making him comply- I think he's doing it just 'casuse.

But listen if you choose to talk to her you prolong your own cut up/ confused misery.

I promise you one thing: being friends is going to hurt you a helluva lot more than if you ignored her completely MSN included. Not to mention how bad it's going to hurt when you get wind of the "new guy" whenever that happens.

[tallymaboo]

^ Not sure she's making him comply- I think he's doing it just 'casuse.

But listen if you choose to talk to her you prolong your own cut up/ confused misery.

I promise you one thing: being friends is going to hurt you a helluva lot more than if you ignored her completely MSN included. Not to mention how bad it's going to hurt when you get wind of the "new guy" whenever that happens.

In my mind, I am doing it cos I am not a mean-natured guy, I couldn't just cut her off, I just did not contact her cos she asked me not to "as it wouldn't be fair on you" (her words when she broke it off) - maybe I am too nice, I don't know.

[girl68]

In my mind, I am doing it cos I am not a mean-natured guy, I couldn't just cut her off, I just did not contact her cos she asked me not to "as it wouldn't be fair on you" (her words when she broke it off) - maybe I am too nice, I don't know.

Where did I say you're mean? No where. You concluded that yourself.

You can't cut her off? Fine, let her rub salt in your wounds.

Why do you think we all preach no contact? I'll tell you... So we don't get posts with titles like this:
-why does she keep talking to me- she dumped me!
-does she still have feelings for me?
-is she trying to make me jealous?
-does she want to hurt me more?
-what does she mean when she keeps asking me 'how I am?'

get the idea?

If you remain in contact with her here's what will happen:
-she will screw with your head- to believe there's still something there
-she will lead you on
-she will use you for attention
-she will burn you the minute a new peice of ass comes along
-she will tell you all about her new peice of ass... becasue that's what "friends" do

Here's what I will say:
I FREAKING TOLD YOU SO.

edit: tough love bro.

[tallymaboo]

Where did I say you're mean? No where. You concluded that yourself.

You can't cut her off? Fine, let her rub salt in your wounds.

Why do you think we all preach no contact? I'll tell you... So we don't get posts with titles like this:
-why does she keep talking to me- she dumped me!
-does she still have feelings for me?
-is she trying to make me jealous?
-does she want to hurt me more?
-what does she mean when she keeps asking me 'how I am?'

get the idea?

If you remain in contact with her here's what will happen:
-she will screw with your head- to believe there's still something there
-she will lead you on
-she will use you for attention
-she will burn you the minute a new peice of ass comes along
-she will tell you all about her new peice of ass... becasue that's what "friends" do

Here's what I will say:
I FREAKING TOLD YOU SO.

edit: tough love bro.

I didnt mean to offend you Re: the "mean" bit, I meant the mean bit myself - cos I feel I am not, maybe thats the bad thing? :

I know what you're saying, but what I'm battling with now is if I cut her off it's going to look really weird/"mean" (to throw that in there again ) cos I've been talking ok for the last few days...

[girl68]

So what? She's your ex- you gotta do what you gotta do!

Seriously, who cares.

[Gigabitch]

Then just gently ease off talking to her so much. You owe her common courtesy- nothing more.

[speakerspoke]

You'll find much better girls than her, by not speaking to her you give yourself time to heal and get over the heart ache, it's for you, so if you're nice, extend that courtesy to yourself and treat yourself nice. She clearly has her own best interests invested in this, not yours, don't be her safety net, and again, there are far better girls than her, she's bottom of the barrel man and I don't even care what she looks like, not worth it. lol

[Aeradalia]

It's "nice" to take a bullet for someone.
It's "nice" to deck someone who's beating up someone who's smaller.
It's "nice" to take the blame for something you didn't do, so someone else won't get into trouble.
It's "nice" to be friends with your ex.

Going off of just wanting to be "nice" can get you into a hell of a lot of trouble with very little reward.

Maybe you took a bullet for someone who's more like Hitler and really deserves to die.

Maybe you're getting involved in a fight where someone keeps running their mouth, thus leading to the fight in the first place, and now will start even more shit because they know you'll fight their fights for them.

Maybe you're taking the blame for someone who is hurting the company, and this leads to smaller wages for everyone... when it would've been better in the long run for that person to get wrote up and one step closer to being fired.

Maybe your ex is just using you as a 'backup' for just in case a new relationship doesn't work out... thus keeping you from finding your own happiness.

- - -

Being nice is alright if you know what you're getting yourself into. Love is not self-sacrifice... love still allows you to take care of yourself. Your ex is requiring that you put your life on hold for her.... and there isn't even a relationship!

Think it through, the next time you want to be "nice."

[Enigmos]

the longer you talk with her, the longer it will take for you to move on. your feelings for her continue to linger because of this.

as for her behavior, i'll vote for slight remorse + back up dude availability.