Very unhappy

[Bumble_bee]

O...I'm way out of my league giving advice here...

I can't say whether leaving is right, I know your wife is going about standing her beliefs...radically...but in her eyes she is not wrong, you will look like the sinner damned to hell here, even though we know you're sufferring.

[Stuart2]

I won't be able to do that.. having a lover while living at home will break all the vows I made 13 years ago. I am not as relgious as my wife but my vows are sacred to me despite that.

I have also come to the conclusion that i cannot destroy the lives of a 6, 3 and 2 year old for my own gratification.

A life of enforced celibacy may be before me, but I will be telling my darling children that Daddy will still be here..... good God, what did I do to deserve this?!?

Whatever happens, my son and two daughters will still have their loving daddy at home, it's just in my soul that i will be craving warmth and affection, but my needs are secondary.

[Mish]

If you are planning to stay after all that Stu then you should continue trying to regain the moral high ground of this issue and show her that she's wrong even by her Religious standards.

[misombra]

is it really possible that she has lost all libido and desire for sex? it's not only men who have these needs. women are horny! why is she not, is she a robot or a freak of nature?

[IndiReloaded]

Your wife has been abducted by space aliens, Stu.

Go for the counselling. Get your head back on straight. Then, once you feel back in control, figure out how to bring your wife back to sanity.

Start marshalling your resources. Your priest, a local counsellor, your family doctor, possibly a school counsellor. Not to air our your family laundry, but to let them know your family is going through some troubles. Then, you can arrange for *family counselling* which your wife will be obliged to attend. Do you have sane relatives who can talk to her? I know it may seem disloyal to do this, but if you are delicate, it can be done and you must keep in mind you are doing it to try to hold your family together.

I'm really thinking your wife needs to see a doctor. Something just isn't right about all this. Religious shouldn't = insane. She sounds close to it.

[Stuart2]

I'm staying for the sake of my children and their family life I have decided. However, I will be laying things down to my wife.

If she has a problem other than religious beliefs about sex for goodness sake tell me so I can get help.
If sex is still off the agenda, for religious or other reasons she has not told me about, then I will bide my time and look for a mistress... of course I won't say that to her but that is what I will do...... not that I would know how to go about tempting a woman to be my mistress but that's another story.

Although nothing has been resolved I at least feel a little better in that I have made these decisions. The children will be happy, she will be happy, and one way or another (hopefully with my wife) I will get what I want.... And to my surprise, the thought of a mistress now does not feel me with guilt as I have done/am doing all I can to try and find a way out of this.

[ecojeanne]

look cb there is no point telling people who have faith that God doesn't exist. faith is faith. however the church is men not God, there is a difference

[Cbrider]

look cb there is no point telling people who have faith that God doesn't exist. faith is faith. however the church is men not God, there is a difference

For the sake of not derailing this guys thread I deleted my post. This is not the place for that kind of argument anyway, I don't want people to shy away because I get vocal, lol.

[misombra]

well i agreed with you so i thank your post in lieu of your deleted post.

[IndiReloaded]

Cb, I can relate. You've seen my posts on the subject in other threads. But, its what Eco said, faith is faith. So, one has to work within the bounds of the problem as presented. I leave the religious-related aspects of the problem to those who know more about it, Vash and Miso and others.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I hope your wife dies tomorrow in a terrible(glorious) fire...bitch.

[Bumble_bee]

man that was uncalled for....

[ecojeanne]

it's a troll obviously, not a mind

[CocoChanel]

Tell her how unhappy you are and tell her everything and I MEAN EVERYTHING.

Does she even hold you? Kiss you? Rub and caress you? Is there any intimacy?

Let her know how much you love her and what you want and need from her.

Tell her your marraige is in danger and you want to make things right and suggest you two going to counseling.

Seriously.. you guys have been together way too long for you not to have said this to her in a way where she gets it.

[jasminetea]

Stuart, I was sorry to see that you've changed your mind about leaving. While I, like Gigabitch and Indireloaded, would never advocate divorce easily, I do think seperation can be a gift at times.

I believe that your wife is using her religious beliefs as an excuse. I'm sure she has great spirituality and I'm sure her beliefs are very deep. However, if it was only this that was preventing her from having sex with you, I'm sure that she would have explored the alternatives with which to resolve the conflict of needs in your marriage and by now would have discovered the rhythm method and have discussed its implications with you.

I feel that there is more going on here and she has managed to manipulate a situation (consciously or not) in which she gets her needs met without exploring how to help you fulfil yours. A separation may have helped her recognise how much your presence in her life actually means to her and think a more seriously about discussing this situation with you properly rather than getting upset and throwing her teddies out the pram.

Edit: I forgot to say, if her reason for not wanting sex is that she just doesn't see you that way and just doesn't desire you sexually, she would be reluctant to tell you I'm sure. Regardless if this is a reason why she's not putting out, it would do you no harm to increase your confidence levels, your self-esteem and decrease any doormat tendencies you may have. However, this is not something you can discuss with her, you must do it alone.