She cheated and said she didnt love me. I want her back!

[Chazza2k]

Hey
Know how you feel, its tough as hell to want someone who doesn't want you anymore. It destroys confidence and self-esteem but keep fighting, My Ex lives down the road, we have simular overlapping friend circles and she's my sisters best friend so will always be around in some way or another. Just as I think i'm getting past it or feeling OK she'll walk past or someone will mention her and its like I'm right back at the begining. I've tried avoiding all this but its just impossible, trying to pysch myself up for the inevitable meeting when I have to meet the new guy and pretend to be friendly..., its either that or hide away forever and I refuse to do that. Life is a challenge sometimes I tell you best to face the reality.

[battlingpig]

i have to contact my ex to ask for her bank details so i can transfer some money that i owe her.. should i phone her or text her? id love to hear her voice.

i wish life was so much simpler. but im getting myself out there making new friends. when im with them i forget about her. but because ive not been thinking about her, when i do, it hurts far more intensely than it does when im constantly thinking of her.

[Chazza2k]

Good to see you making steps, I am doing the same. Ask yourself is it essential you need to pay her this money now? Has she asked for it or are you making excuses to want to see her or hear her voice? I think you know the answer to the question, by wanting to hear her voice.. be prepared though if you do talk to her she will be cold and uncaring as she has moved on and thats not good for you..

If you must sort this now I'd say sent a short and sweet impersonal txt or email, saying "Hi I have the money I owe you, please sent your Bank Ac Details, sortcode and I'l transfer it across" don't be personal, be short and sweet.

If you talk to her you are only going to be reminded of her all the more and make it that much more difficult for you. Everytime you think of her like that you should picture her with someone else in your head and hear the words "she doesnt care about me anymore" if she did she would still be with me....

Its not easy but it eventually starts to sink in, Am nearly 4weeks NC here and like you I've been fighting Txting, Emailing but have held out.

Best of Luck.

[Gigabitch]

You don't need bank details. Send her a check.

[battlingpig]

things are going great without her. theres this girl who i think likes me but im too nervous to go out on a night with her because im scared it will bring memories back with my ex, im not ready for it yet. i actually went out to a bar with some friends and her tonight, but shes a trained lap dancer and a bit too much for me. i think im coming accross that i like her a lot by flirting with her, but i dont know that im doing it. its just natural because i would have behaved the same with my ex. i dont want a rebound or to get someone else right now, i just want to go out as mates with my pals. thats about it. should i tell her that ive just gone through a tough breakup?

my ex asked me for the money so i should give it her now my student loans gone through, it would be unfair not to. i dont have a cheque book so i need her acc details. i think i will do what you said chazza2k.

she text me tonight asking if i have a week break in october at 0.55am which i thought was kinda weird. i havnt replied and dont know if i should, maybe she wants to meet up?

good luck with the no contact chazza2k. wish it was easy for me as it is you.

[chump4u]

i dont have a cheque book so i need her acc details.

Damn, what kind of bank doesn't give you a checkbook with your account?

Anyway, you don't need a check-- buy a bank check or a money order and send that to her. It will cost you a small fee to buy one of those, but it'll keep you from having to contact that despicable bitch.

[MVPlaya]

Without reading your thread, I'm just going to repeat your title to you, it seems any and all questions and wants of yours are thoroughly answered by your thread title:

She cheated and said she didnt love me.

[battlingpig]

mvplaya.. that doesnt make much sence, think you should read the thread to be honest.
she said she didnt love me, but doesnt mean she doesnt love me. im gonna move on and just see what happens. if she decides to love me i'll see where i am and how im feeling before i jump back into anything. i could have moved onto someone else like this lap dancer haha.

chump4u, i dont have a cheque book because im only 19. if i get a cheque book i would need to get a credit card and im not going down that street of getting in debt. im already -2000 on my student overdraft!

[MVPlaya]

No it makes perfect sense:

1) She cheated on you, therefore, she is not relationship material for you. Unless you enjoy dating women who will frequently **** around on you. The fact that she will tell you that she cheated on you and that she plans to sleep with the other guy only further highlights the fact that she does not respect you or your relationship.

2) She doesn't love you, therefore, she has far more control over you than you do over her, and she is willing to cause you any amount of pain for her own personal pleasure (i.e., ****ing the guy she cheated on you with), while you're left heartbroken on the wayside.

When a girl cheats on you and tells you she doesn't love you, there is no confusion, there is no, what do I do from here, it is over. Start anew with someone else. There is nothing salvageable or worth salvaging from your relationship. You cried your heart out to her, she didn't listen and went and ****ed the other guy.

She does not love you one minute and not the next, that is in your head. In fact, she is in a constant state of not loving you, while you waiver between deceiving yourself that she loves you and realizing that she does not.

There is no point getting back with her or trying. You only demean yourself in the process.


Edit:

Seems you stopped trying. Well done.

[battlingpig]

no one knows her like i do. she is a stupid bitch. i know. she never thinks about what shes doing. shes immature, ive always known. but after a while she always comes to her sences and realises whats happend. same goes for her buying new clothes, making plans etc. she thinks they are a good idea at first but then finds out they are not. ive always thought she was quite 'numb' in the head and never thought about what she was doing. she needs to grow up and get out of the habbit of being numb in the brain. ive actually told her she was numb before all of this ever happend. to be honest i should have got out of the relationship months ago. but i guess love is pulling the sheets over my eyes and stopping me from seeing what i really want. at present, i want to be with her, because i love her. but maybe once ive managed the pull the sheets from my eyes i will be able see the clear sky and move on. i cant predict the future and cant say where i will be in a months time. i might want different and try to get every girl at my uni!
to be honest im quite drunk at the moment, and im feel happy. my friends are super. and i dont think ive appreciated my friends as much as i have now. friends are all i need right now. its nearly 6am, bedtime

[Chazza2k]

Well done BP,
See your slowly begining to realise that the situation is what it is, I guess as am I. Good to see your having a laugh with your m8s and you are looking to the future, hope the hangovers not to bad

Thx for your words too MVplaya, they certainly resonated with me, walking back into a situation where you been treated like that is basically a green light to be walked over forever, I'll keep that in mind. Trying to take the positives out of this, that at least in the future recognising these traits in other girls will keep us from making the same mistakes. Well hopefully.

Don't meet up with her in october, it will be the same old same, you want to move forward not back!!! Her playing your emotions all over again? Not sure if its wise to tell the lap dancer all about your ex? Don't suppose it could do any harm if you just want to be friends? Not sure though she'll be too impressed if you went on about it for a few hours thou

NC not easy in my case, but I suppose the longer it goes the easier it does get. People learn by doing, feeling, it all builds character in the end.

[battlingpig]

oh my god. on her profile it says shes in a relationship with someone??? she told me she didnt want a relationship with anyone and that she just wants to be single..... :S

[Chazza2k]

Stop facebook stalking her its not good for you! Looks like she lied to you again though? I had a strange day here too, Sister brought her best friend (MyEx) down with her son (sister has no idea we were involved). My Ex's son wanted to play games with me, so I played along, very strange experience, cold looks from MyEX and we spoke about 3 times, first time I've seen her in 8weeks. Have no idea really what the hell I'm feeling right now... guess there went the NC option. Secret relationships, are doomed from the start, wish I could have told myself that at the begining.

Think my heads in a strange place right now... think its still spinning!

Oh yea and Battlingpig stop looking at her profile

[battlingpig]

I broke the no contact rule but had to so i can get her acc details before i spend the money myself. and i asked her about what i saw on facebook. i didnt make out i was bothered. turns out someone hacked her facebook. she asked me to go on her account and fix it for her, so i did. we didnt speak for no longer than 3 mins.

[Chazza2k]

Yeah BP I know how tuff it is but overall your doing OK. Seriously though don't go see her in Oct, I know how that will feel to reject her and its going to take disaplin.

I was polite yesterday after talking to the Ex but she was distant and cold and today all I wanted to do after seeing her is call or txt, I've typed out 3 txts and deleted them all. I didn't call either. Feel I'm right back at the beginin now... Feel completely trapped. Suppose I have to either live with it like this, move away (too broke) or just fess up to the lot of it and suffer the consequences all round. Suppose thats what happens if you fall for your sisters best m8, don't tell her and let her get between you and the family. Nightmare.