Relationship Advice - Please!!!

[Prue]

Hey everyone.

Really needing some advice at the moment, I had a chat with my Boyfriend last night that got quite emotional.

We have been together 9 months and he said he loves spending time with me, loves coming to see me and gets excited to come see me.

But he said his feelings for me are at a hault and they haven't gone any further and we are just plodding along.
He said he doesn't want to lose me and that he doesn't want to hurt me.

I really love my Boyfriend and would do anything for him.

We both got really upset last night and no choice has been made if we stay together or not.
He even said on paper we are perfect together but he hasn't felt that spark with me and he really wants to.

I'd be greatful for any advice on what to do next I really would, Neither of us want to lose each other but something needs to be done.

Not that it matters but we are both male.

[girl68]

Has he been in love, does he know what that really means?

[Prue]

Hey

Yes he's been in love in the post.
I'm 23 and he's 33.
He's had 2 really bad relationships from what I know of.
One cheated and the other kinda went insane.

I did question if he felt the spark for them and his response was "They weren't like that at the start"

[girl68]

I don't know what he means: "they weren't like that at the start"?

Meaning: there wasn't a spark but grew into one?

Love sometimes takes time, I think love manifests in different ways. I also think that sometimes love fased with time. So what is love to him. Does he also know that love changes over time? As does the spark....

[Prue]

He meant that they wasn't insane and a cheater.

We haven't said we are gonna break up yet but the last few days have been emotional.

He said that he didn't feel the spark with me and that without that spark he can't see us pushing for a future.

We norm see each other set days which are Weds and Sun aswell as other days but try at least every Weds and Sun.

[girl68]

He said that he didn't feel the spark with me and that without that spark he can't see us pushing for a future.

That is grounds for breakup. Sorry, be prepared.

Sometimes love isn't enough. And although he might not feel love, sometimes "lust" isn't enough; despite him being happy with you and excited to see you- that just might not be enough.

[Prue]

:'(

Must be somthing that can be done?
I know lately we haven't spent much time just the two of us, We have always been dashing out for one reason or another.

Is there anything we can try?
I did talk to my doctor about this and she said we need some alone time to see just how things are.

But I'd rather listen to real people from this forum.

I really don't wanna lose him and we were both in tears at the thought of it.

I don't understand what THE SPARK is?

[girl68]

The spark is something that is there or that isn't it can be re kindled but it can not be forced.

The spark is just something that you know you have.

It would seem like all has already been lost, he doesn't seem like he wants to try. And when one party is out, they're out.

Breakups are hard, do not mistake his crying for true, undying love.

[lastwish]

The spark is when your heart rushes when you see him/her. It's a sense of excitement. You need to take out the sense of certainty out of the relationship. Try contacting him less. Flirt with other men in front of him. Dress in a more sexy way. Act in a more unpredictable way. Try something that you know he is attracted to.

[Prue]

Ok so need to ask.
What do you mean he isn't willing to try?
We have both talked about going camping, and to the blackpool lights.
We have both said we aren't gonna just break up without trying but we don't know
what to try, One thing I learnt is when lights go out in bed I end up start talking to him when he has to be up early.

So I am now gonna not talk when we are snuggleing down to sleep.

What can we do?

[girl68]

Make sure he's trying too.

Do something romantic, and fun together.

[Prue]

Ok,
Not to sound pushy cause I'm very greatful that you are taking the time to help me.
But what kinda things should he be doing to try?

[girl68]

Dude, you need to use your imagination.

What do you enjoy?
Go on a "date", drink, dance, hike, bike, eat out, cook in, rent movies, beach, ski.

All things that you guys had fun doing when you first met and started dating. Try to re kindle that "lovey-dovey" feeling you had when you first met. Have wild sack sessions.

Whatever it is that you 2 like doing- do that.

[Gigabitch]

Count yourself lucky he's being so up front with you. You probably aren't aware how rare that is.

Without the spark you won't be able to keep him forever. Accept it for the experience it was and try to find that spark with someone else.

[Prue]

He doesn't want it to end either, he has said he's wanting to try and make it work