Giving ultimatum on marriage after a few months of dating..

[elfen31]

My bf and I have been seeing each other for approximately 4 or 5 months and recently he basically gave me a sort of ultimatum. He basically wanted me to commit to not making him wait 5 years to get married and have a family. I told him it's too early in our relationship to know whether or not he was the one I wanted to spend my life with.

I dunno, I just think it's too much too soon.....but I could be wrong...

[vashti]

It doesn't sound like he actually proposed to you. He probably just wants to know that marriage is your ultimate goal.

If you are absolutely not interested in getting married (to anyone), you would probably know that already, and he just doesn't want to waste his time.

[elfen31]

I'm interested in getting married at some point, but I'm still getting to know this person, so it's still too early yet to decide that he's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with don't u think?

[Gigabitch]

Until you get a ring on your finger, it's all just a bunch of words anyway. You may as well tell him something that will appease him while looking around slyly for the exit.

I think five years IS too long, but two years is not unreasonable. He has no business asking until you've been together at least a year and can't expect a date to be set until at least a year after that.

My husband was ready to ask me to marry him after we'd been together four months, while we were still having an LDR. (Special case, though- we had already known each other for many years.) Fortunately, I could tell where he was heading in his giddy romanticism and we had a talk about Things That Would Freak Me Out, a premature marriage proposal being one of the top three. He took a hint. Your boyfriend should too.

I think it's insulting that he would put it that way. It sounds like he's looking to fill a position in a company, not find the right person to spend his life with.

[elfen31]

Exactly! He's saying things like do I know how many women lose their wombs due to cancer and thus can't have kids, i.e. I'm running out of time and should hurry up and make babies with him (I'm 32). I just don't like the feeling of being rushed into making a decision.

[Gigabitch]

Jeeze. I think you should tell him that dating multiple people would help you make your decision more quickly. He deserves it.

[elfen31]

Oh you're hilarious Giga!!

[IndiReloaded]

Oh, you've got yourself a Doofus, I think:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7vtyheqPVU"]YouTube - Doofy Husbands: Target Women[/ame]

[ImADude]

Some people need different amounts of time to recognize whether or not their partner is the one for them. You need more than a few months to make this decision, while others only need a few months. I don't believe there is a wrong amount of time, because different people need different amounts of commitment.

I believe it is perfectly acceptable (but perhaps quite awkward) for him to say that he doesn't want to date five years before getting married. It is also very acceptable for you to want to wait five years. Your response to him seemed very appropriate, and what you are experience is probably normal. However, once I read what you said about women losing their wombs to cancer is very strange and very pushy. You should proceed with caution and not let him make any decisions for you.

[Disillusioned]

The ultimatum is a relationship ender out of principal, unless you wan't a guy with no nuts. Not defending that behavior but anything warranting an ultimatum has already crossed the line of being salvageable. The patient's already dead but the disease is still eating the body.

[Sanctuary]

Who the f-ck gives ultimatums on marriage? He sounds insecure perhaps afraid of losing you or something.

[Mish]

My ex gave me an ultimatum on marriage once. It made me want to postpone it indefinitely.

[elfen31]

My ex gave me an ultimatum on marriage once. It made me want to postpone it indefinitely.

That's the mood I'm in at the moment. I'm becoming less and less interested in pursuing it.

[Gigabitch]

My husband was in this kind of situation once. He was dating this hot pilates instructor that he was in love with but five months in she wanted to know they were headed for marriage. When he said he didn't know, she turned into THE DEVIL.

If she'd been more patient and just let things roll, she'd have him now and I'd be SOL.

Ha ha pushy bitch.

[elfen31]

My husband was in this kind of situation once. He was dating this hot pilates instructor that he was in love with but five months in she wanted to know they were headed for marriage. When he said he didn't know, she turned into THE DEVIL.

If she'd been more patient and just let things roll, she'd have him now and I'd be SOL.

Ha ha pushy bitch.

My feelings exactly Giga. Pushy bitch. Not everyone starts to think about marriage as soon as they meet a person or start dating a person especially only after a few months.