my bf of 12 months is on dating websites, please help

[xxstarxx]

Hi I need some advice from the male perspective. Ive been with my bf for the past year and recently discovered he had been on sex dating sites up until a week or two ago, with a profile up and everything asking for someone sex/cam etc amongst other things (sex acts/fantasies/voyeurism and more). I am devastated but want to be able to understand. He claims the profiles are old but he just goes on there to look. Now, Ive nothing against pornography and would turn a blind eye to that sorta thing as there is no harm in looking, but the thing that doesnt sit well on my shoulders is that we mutually agreed over 6 months ago to take our names off online dating agencies. Which we both did and he has now said he considers these to be sex sites not dating sites. He is now saying he is going to delete himself and that hes not spoken/cam'd with anyone in a long long time and only goes on to look. I'm not about to leave him and am working through it, but he refuses to talk about it, claiming he didnt even make some of those profiles and a couple of the sites hes on hes never even visited. I cant sort fact from fiction it all seems such a blur and I really dont know what to think or believe. I have always had an instinct that something was going on but could never put my finger on it, and he used to tell me i was being paranoid (which I now know I wasnt). We have a fantastic sexlife, no problems like that. But, end of the day, Ive been lied to and deceived.

I would realy appreciate any advice from anybody.

[Sanctuary]

Sounds like he's bullshitting you, but I can't really tell what the problem is. You guys have a fantastic sex life but he's still going onto sex dating sites? What the ****?

I don't know what the problem is but he sounds bored if you ask me. That's my honest 2 cents.

Incidentally, they have swingers clubs for couples to spice up their sex life if you're open to that kinda thing.

[xxstarxx]

Hi, and thank you......well he told me he goes on it due to boredom, and habit, as he was single a long time before we met, yet he tells me Im the best and that he wants to be with me forever. I tried asking if he is bored in bed with me and he says no, you're the best. (???)

Ive even offered to try swinging, Ive said I will try anything to please him, within reason, but he says no he doesnt want to and he wont share me with anyone. One of his profiles says "his couples say he is shy...blah blah" worded as if he has done that sort of thing, yet he adamantly claims he has never done that and he didnt put that profile on???

When we first met he had a gf and used to chat me up online, I wasnt into cam but he "showed me" himself etc, so makes me think if he did that in a secure relationship, maybe hes doing same to me. Am so confused!

[Sanctuary]

When we first met he had a gf and used to chat me up online, I wasnt into cam but he "showed me" himself etc, so makes me think if he did that in a secure relationship, maybe hes doing same to me. Am so confused!

I'm no psychologist but I guess he gets a kick out of meeting new people sexually? I really don't know - I'm as confused as you are.

Also, I'm not saying all of his stuff are lies but it's extremely hard to tell what's real and what's not real cuz he's lied before. Just don't go in with the mindset that everything is a lie cuz that will just annoy him. I know it's hard but try to be reasonable about it. Sounds like you got a pretty tough situation. Sorry I can't be of more help.

[xxstarxx]

awww bless you, thanks so much for youre thoughts tho. Im in such a pickle its really brought me down, usually I feel attractive about my looks and sexuality but its all gone out the window now, I guess Ive just gotta claw myself back up again and regain some of that confidence back and learn to trust.