Breaking up with her, but it's so tough

[cloud96]

Please help me out with your advice and opinions on this.

The one line summary is that I'm breaking up with one of the best girls I've met and am torn between if I should try to make it work, or let her go because of my lack of deep attraction to her (which may be based in part on vanity). Feel kinda like Hal from Shallow Hal, except reality is not so simple. Am I right to break up or would I be right to keep her by myside?

OK the full story,
Met this girl 1 year ago when I moved to another country and immediately hit it off as friends. First impression was this person could be my best friend, but not sure about as girlfriend, just not all that highly attracted to her (mainly in regards to facial appearance). Vain isn't it, but those are the first impressions.

Soon became apparent to me that she was interested in being more than friends. Though I think I was nice to her I wasn't showing I was into her in that way... anyway you know how things go and just sort of slipped into something a bit more serious, guess you could say along the lines of a 'casual relationship'. Made it clear it was to be a 'dating' thing, casual, i.e. not boyfriend girlfriend as I'd planned to leave back to my home country within a year. She said she was OK with that not to worry about it.

Guess what, now a year has passed and it's time to go back home. Guess what else, by her effort, it has gradually moved into more than just a casual dating thing, I never explicitly consented to this but when I put my foot down on it I guess it was only a half-hearted effort, I suppose I was not strong enough to put up a good fight on the matter. Now I think that she wants to move back with me, or have me stay out here with her. But I have told her it's time to go, I said I wouldn't be around forever since the beginning, and now that time has come. She has been getting really sad about things and I feel really crappy.

The problem is with my mind. I feel some love for her (I think), but I can list the reasons why I am not attracted to her, and they seem to me a bit immature, yet there is nothing I can do. There was my initial first impression, her looks are not quite up to par with what I'd like. She is a bit older than me (close to 5 years), I am more attracted to girls a bit younger. She gets a bit jealous, but not unbearably so. I sometimes get the sense that my being a Westerner has to do with her attraction toward me (she is Thai). English is not perfect. She is a bit OCD, etc etc.

The thing is, as a person, she is like an ideal long term girlfriend. She seems to genuinely love me, even if that love is dependent on me being a westerner. She has turned other guys away, seems very faithful. Takes real good care of me, translating stuff for me, pours my drink, cleans my clothes, all those little things I never ask for. Owns her own business with employees which is fairly successful. Is smart, funny, into a lot of the same stuff, and gives a great massage which is a godsend with my back pain. Like a real woman, with all the qualities that girls back home are lacking in.

Looking at it from the outside, my reasons for not being attracted to her seem trivial. When we find the one we love, their looks will eventually deteriorate with age anyway right? And we all have our faults. One part of me says you are being childish, you should pursue a long term relationship with this girl, have her move out with you or move back here or whatever.

The other part of me says I should get out and try to have relationships with other girls. That part says I can find someone who is like the good parts of the girl I'm with now, but not the bad parts that really matter to me (I know whoever it is will have some faults of course). That part says if I'm still not really attracted to her now, I never will be, and will always be looking around at other girls and it won't last, or I'll be wondering what could have been.

I'd love to keep her as a lifelong best friend but I just don't think she would have that. It's all or nothing with her. So what do you people think?

[Gigabitch]

I'm going to put my money on "nothing".

Yes, it's crappy when you have to break up, but it's happening. Soon, it will be over and you'll say goodbye. Don't try to keep her as a "friend". That sucks. Just end it and go.

[Chazza2k]

Hey Cloud

I'd say end this one, perhaps its was circumstances that just brought you both together, you being in a foreign country and you needed a good friend, it sounds like she was there for you in everyway you needed? Perhaps when you travel back home you will reflect on this but ask yourself do you really see or even want a future with this girl? From all your comments and views its sounds like you don't to me. You dont find her that attractive, shes too old, you have a deep feeling that her love for you is because your a westerner or related in some way to that?

Move on and say your goodbyes, I don't think you will regret it.

Best of luck.