how to express my feeling with out scaring him away

[boldblondie]

Hey fellows I need a little male insight here. I have a neighbor of mine whom whe have been friends for the last few months. We almost immediatly had a connection but remained only friends. We spent many nights on the porch chatting, drinking some wine, watch a movie ect. About a month and a half ago we ended up having sex and since then we have been sexual with each other on a regular basis. Prior to us taking it to a sexual level he has made the comment that he was not into chasing women and that he was not a "hit and run" he wanted something more substantial. We have been on a couple of camping trips together with other friends. He even agreed to go the symphony with me. We still have not really been on a "date". The thing is that I am not sure if this is FWB or what. I get mixed signals at times. He has also told me that he is kinda of shy esp when it comes to women. For example he was telling me the other day that he loves to dine at fine resturants and spend alot of money doing it and said that me, him and my cousin should go out to eat some night. My cousin is my roommate and a friend of his as well. But my thing is if we are sleeping with each other already why would it be an issue for us to go out just with each other, not have my cousin along. But then the other day I ended up in the hospital for about 3 days, he did not come by to see me in the hospital, or even call to check to see how i was doing. Am I looking too much into that?

My position is that i just want to go with the flow. I like this man, we have common interest, we are basically at the same cross roads in our life. We have both been through somethings in our past that we are trying to move forward with. I am out of a 12 yr marriage and i dont want to rush anything so i cant say Right now, I can t say i want an "relationship" right now but perhaps in the future, but i dont want a FWB relationship and I dont want to be a booty call---even though the sex is absolutly amazing and we both agree it is about the best we both have ever had. But there is way more to me than the sex. I want some one I can enjoy my time with, do things of mutal interest, have fun and go from there if it goes some where it goes if not then theres other fish in the sea.

But what is the best apporach to telling him this. I dont want it to be one of those "we need to talk" which will make him feel cornered, but i want to express how i feel with out scaring him off. How should I bring this up. Thanks for any opinions

[LonelyEngineer]

i think ive already read this history before hehehe

Well i think that if he calls u to dine in a fine restaurant with another person he thinks of u as FWB, but u gotta give him time maybe he wants to talk with u about the same thing. Just try to give him some hints bout how do u feel and lets see what he says or does

[vashti]

You sound like a booty call to me. Sorry.

[r4nd0m]

Why don't you just say in a conversation 'So when are you taking me out to a fancy restaurant?'. Don't bring up the fact that he asked your housemate / cousin to come. If HE brings that up say something playful like 'to scared to go out with only me?', then take the conversation from there, bring up your concerns in relation to that conversation. That way its not a 'we have to talk' moment (which us guys hate by the way). Its just general talking.

[boldblondie]

yeag guys so if this is familar to my previous post. Just trying to figure this whole thing out. I have been married now separated for the last 12 yrs. so this whole dating thing i am trying to figure out again.

Well i finally decided to grow some balls and just ask him out....i made it casual and told him i wanted to check out a movies and wanted to know if he wanted to go with me. He accepted and we have agreed to go to a symphony concert together as well and this is just us....no cousin invited.

Also since this post we have actually talked some. My cousin at one time told me I should not mess with him b/c he thinks that i will end up hurt b/c i am just a booty call. So in one of my conversations with my friend i told him about this comment....and we were just hanging out talking and his response is

"i think both you and i know the deeper level of our relationship even though it may not have a label and what we are doing now just talking does this seem to you as all you are is just sex" And later that night during sex he tells me that he has only been with a handful of women and that i please him like no other and that I have brought him out of his shell b/c he feeds off of my energy"

Also do FWB actually spend the night and cuddle and stroke your face and hair after sex and wake up with you the next morning.

but even with this im still a little confused. Does the above commment mean that he potenially views me as more than a FWB I honestly do feel that there is more but I just dont want to read more into it if its not. Or does it just mean hey we are really good friends, we respect each other, we enjoy each others company, we have great sex so it is more than a booty call but your not my GF. I just want to know what you men out there are really thinking.

[boldblondie]

Also our sex is very sensual and tender, he will look deep into my eyes at times as I will look at him. I do not feel like just a screw when I am having sex with him....i do feel a deeper connection. But you know us women we have a harder time separating emotions and sex where as men can be sex can just be sex not emotions no conections. if if a man is doing this during sex does it mean that there is more to it than just the phyisical act?

[Katjax]

Hi boldblondie,

Unfortuanately I'm not a guy. I am also dealing with a confusing man.

But you seem like a smart woman and I think you made one crucial mistake... you slept with him before he asked you out.

I strongly think women should be asked out or at least dated before they sleep with guys.

It seems like you guys click really well, but.... why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

If I were you, I would suggest trying to make yourself less available and focus on the non-sexual aspects of your relationship with him. Show him that you are "girlfriend material". Also as he is not your boyfriend, keep your options open.

However, to be honest, if he knew you were in hospital for 3 days and didn't contact you or see if you were OK, I think this is pretty poor behaviour. Even as a friend it's pretty bad. He may be a selfish guy who is not ever going to be relationship material.

I would not put all your hopes onto this guy.

Hope this helped. I liked replies to my post so, hope I can be of some help, even if I'm not a guy .

[FullofSighs]

Well that hospital thing can be many things. Maybe he was just way to scared to find out if something bad had really happened and possibly couldn't deal with it. and with the shy thing, he might have wanted your cousin to come along so its not a quiet dinner, if he is shy and your cousin being there can bring more convos into play instead of just 2 convos there is three. You can also be up front with him, tell him that you think he is considering you a FWB and that you don't want that and that he needs to decide whether he is your boyfriend or friend.

[Sanctuary]

You guys been having sex for a month and a half and he tells you he likes to eat at fancy restaurants and spend money and then invites you and your cousin. I'm thinking he's looking for more than just FWB but is too shy to ask you out on a formal date.

Try this.

After sex, when you're staring into each other's eyes. Smile and ask him, "So when are you gonna take me out on a date? You know - just the two of us." Don't be demanding and use a gentle tone of voice and he'll get the hint.

[Cbrider]

And all you guys told me to go after my neighbor when she was clearly after me. I TOLD YOU SO!