does he still care for her?

[sunnydee]

My daughter is 18 and her bf of 6 months is 19. This guy has me so confused and I would like opinions to see what you think. He claims he wants to spend the rest of his life with my daughter. He wants to spend every minute he is not at work with her now. However, his previous gf of 2 years has been a huge issue since he and my daughter first started going out.
Not only does all his family love his ex and still stay in contact with her & have even went to the extreme of inviting her to a family members birthday party when they knew my daughter would be coming with their son. The bf from the beginning would constantly bring up his ex in conversation (either talking negative about her or just saying something like yea me & Tina went to blah blah....) Finally my daughter told him she is tired of hearing about the ex all the time. So then he dropped the name but still (although not as often) would talk about her by disguising her as "someone he used to know"
My daughter finally asked him a couple of weeks ago when he last talked to the ex and he said he sent her a text recently to wish her a happy bday. Well that crushed all of us. My daughter was crying and it made her feel like he had cheated on her. He claims it didn't mean anything besides happy bd and he didn't see anything wrong with it.
Another note, he can't stand if any of my daughters ex's get brought up, by her or anyone else. It makes him clam up and get mad. If she had wished her ex a hbday or even said hi he would have been furious, yet it is harmless for him to do that.
He says he broke up with his ex, but I've heard others say that she is the one that broke up with him, so??? I just wonder if maybe he really didn't want that relationship to end. I really haven't seen anything questionable about this guy other than these things dealing with his ex. He really seems to love my daughter.
So what did this happy bd wish mean? What are your thoughts please?

[azharmaulavi]

hey well first of all don't trust guys atleast not at this age.....being a guy i've seen guys dumping girls.....they just use them and after sometime just get bored and get rid of it so plzzz don ever let ur daughter fall for him......he has nothing right now........jus take a note of all the things u sacrificed for ur daughter.......remember girls at this age don think much so plzz let her study at this let her be independent and then let her choose her partner now is not the right timing.......

[KaraScott]

yeah, don't trust the guy at that young age. he told you he wants to spend the rest of his life with your daughter but can't get over his ex. A big lie on that part already.

[ellie]

As far as this guy wanting to spend the rest of his life with your daughter goes; he is still young. He is probably dealing with many mixed emotions right now. Maybe he really means it, maybe not. However, if this guy really was over his ex and loves your daughter, this would never have become such a big issue. Obviously this is a hot potatoe.

He should let his family know he is with a new girl now and doesnt want the ex in the picture.

He could very well love your daughter, but it is completely possible to love someone and still feel attached to an ex.

You need to make it clear to him and his family that things need to change if he wants to be with your daughter.

And as far as the Bday wish goes:
I don't see any harm in sending someone a greeting on their Bday. But mentioning the ex all the time and inviting her to family gatherings is not OK and you have to make that perfectly clear to him and his family, otherwise I dont think this relationship is going to last much longer.

[LonelyEngineer]

He shoudnt have texted the ex with the bd message. Since he would hate if his actual gf (ur daughter) recieve a text from an ex bf he should apologize for this and avoid contact with his ex.

He is pretty young to know what he wants and WHO he wants, it might be true that he wanna spend his life with ur daughter but he also can be confused with lot of feelings.

They should talk about it, him and ur daughter, and let his family know what she things about it. The situation is that his family likes his ex , it doesnt mean he still wants her.

[Cain]

All this from a happy birthday text?

Yeah, he's definitely putting it in her butt.

[sunnydee]

A big thanks to all of you, she just had a big discussion with him last night and he still swears he meant nothing by the bday wish and that he was never talking to her again. He even said he is telling his family that they have to choose him or his ex, because he isn't going to allow this to continue. His family pressured him into staying with the ex, as a matter of fact, his mom is the one that fixed them up in the first place. I believe she is trying to keep her around hoping she can work them back together eventually. Time will tell I guess, but my daughter made it clear that there would not be another chance. She said she is going to pay close attention and if he does anything again he is gone! She really has a good head on her shoulders, she never has been the "got to have a bf all the time" or ""boy crazy airhead" type that will fall for just any line a guy shoots her way. She usually sees through all of that. This guy seems so different than most these days and he had me puzzled to and that is the scary part. lol

[LonelyEngineer]

all i can tell u is "parents cannot decide ur life" thats pretty bad. As u said the problem was his mom tryin to make him get back to his ex...

Dont think he wanted to puzzled u cos it might be a misunderstood, in this age i dont think he would think of doing it.

its hard to find good guys at this age so i hope they get fine and be happy =D

Ur a pretty good mom, just dont tell ur daughter "do it do that" like her bf's mom did cos WE (sons) really dis approve this. \o

[Thelovedoctor]

Ok, so the family is actually pressuring the poor guy to go back with the ex, and he just sent her a happy birthday wish to her, so obviously things aren't to sour between the two.

From the looks of it, his family is the biggest problem in this whole thing. Maybe you should sit down, and ask him if his mom or any of his family pressured him into wishing her a happy birthday. If not, Maybe he's just trying to be a nice guy. Your daughter's BF will have to grow a set and lay down the law, that he does want to see his ex ever again, and there is a snowball's chance in hell they will ever get back together, and to stop trying to sabotage his current relationship, because he loves your daughter. If they don't take the subtle, nicer hint of that hint, then he will have to get more aggressive about it.

Better yet, if you really have to do it, intervene,help him out, and support him as much as you can. basically, be his second mom, because his real mom is just going to railroad him back to somebody he doesn't want to be with.

just help him get to the woman he really wants to be with, whether it be your daughter or the ex. Don't let his family push him around his love life

[Cbrider]

You can't stay friends with an ex, but get bent out of shape over your bf/gf being friends with an ex.

I have never seen a point in staying friends with an ex, its unneeded headaches. Ex's are ex's for a reason.

[sunnydee]

Cbrider that is exactly what my daughter told him! lol
Thelovedoctor yeah his family has been the biggest problem with them, but hopefully he has taken care of that, we shall see...
Thanks LonelyEngineer, I am there when she wants to talk, which is often. I don't try to run her life, I listen to her.

[Charlie Boy II]

either YOU are the daugher or you have an unhealthy involvement in your daughter's romantic life.

[vashti]

either YOU are the daugher or you have an unhealthy involvement in your daughter's romantic life.

Until your post, I thought I was the only one that noticed....

[LoveHurts09]

either YOU are the daugher or you have an unhealthy involvement in your daughter's romantic life.

I am there when she wants to talk, which is often. I don't try to run her life, I listen to her.

or maybe her daughter just needed some1 to talk to?