What are her intentions with me!?

[Lovestinks]

Ok here is my situation..sorry its going to be long...

I was with my gf for a little over a year. She meant the world to me since she was the one that helped me think differently about women again after my nasty divorce with my ex-wife of 3 years.

Well, after countless sleepless drunken nights, I eventually got over her (my ex-wife) and started dating again.. I met my GF through a group of friends, she was actually a friend of a friend of a friend and we hit it off in the club. At this moment in time I had already adjusted to just be myself in front of women and if she likes me she likes me, if not....oh well

One date led to another and the feelings started to develop, I basically tripped and fell for her and let her know that I love her recently several months ago. Things were going great until I get the news that my company will be relocating. I was devasated and had to make a tough decision to relocate, I discussed this with her several times and she keeps telling I had to do what I thought was right and not let her get in the way of my decision.. I asked her if she could move out there with me, which she respectfully declined.

In the back of my head I understood that she has her own thing going on here in socal and trying to progress in her career as well so I didnt want to be selfish and keep bugging her to move out there with me. So we had discussions about engaging in a long distance relationship which we both agreed on.. Things start to get a bit weird as my departure date got closer.

Communication started to diminish and there wasnt as much touchy feely stuff any more.. So I just thought to myself.. Hey maybe its her way of coping with this in the meantime.. So a week before my departure she comes over to my place for dinner and wine and basically told me that she cant deal with this anymore and that she had to leave me.. She really didnt explain herself to much at the time and appeared confused.

In my bedroom...she mentioned to me that she could not deal with a long distance relationship right now and also brought up things like how our communication was not there and that it felt like we were growing distant from each other etc. Before she left me she gave me one last passionate kiss and took off.. The thing is we had already bought our plane tickets to see each other for the next several months!

Communication ceased for a week or so. I get an email from her a week later saying that she knows herself that she cannot handle a long distance relationship and that was the reason why she left...she also says that I need to also focus on my career and my business I always wanted to start and that she would just be a hinderance to me.. I said thats ridiculous! She made me complete and I told her that countless times that I needed her.

I eventually accepted it and said ok, so be it...since i've been hurt before and didnt want to go through this heartache again, just go through this coping process now and get over her... although deep in my heart I really wanted her back and I knew that my love for her was strong enough to overcome this long distance relationship...

So i started my new position and a week later I get a text from her wondering how I was.. I responded... A week after that same thing... I still responded.. Then the 3rd week same thing (she initiated all these texts by the way) to see how I was doing then for some strange reason the conversation turned into a list of problems with me during the relationship! She went off about how I hurt her many times, how could I hurt someone I claim to love, we were growing apart day by day etc... I told her that I rarely hear from her about these things and when I did know and was aware that it was my bad I apologized! everything was unintentional and it wasn't even that many times in the year that I had to apologize either.

I told her that she needed to tell me these things so I can better myself and she responded that it was common sense and that I should be observant.

I told her that now that I know these things that bother her I will be more aware and will better myself and change.. She then mentioned during the texts "I hope it doesnt happen next time" What is she talking about "next time" when she already broke it off with me? Weird..

I told her from a womans perspective, it should be common sense for us guys and that we should not have to ask a woman what we can do to make them better. But the reality is no one is perfect right? I'm a guy, I make mistakes and learn from it I know what I did was wrong!

So I told her sometime during the barrage of txt messages the week before that i might be coming down on labor day weekend and that it was still ok for her to comedown and hang out with me in my hometown since she already bought flight tickets. Labor day weekend comes, she again initiated a txt message asking if I was coming down and that we should meet up on Sunday to talk about the trip..

I can get into details but we did go to dinner and had a great experience.

My question to you all after this long story is to find out what possibly are her intentions, why is she pursuing me so often when its already "game over"....

1. What does the text mean "I hope it doesnt happen next time" does that mean I hope it doesnt happen next time in my future relationships with other women or with her? Just want to see what you think of it.

2. During dinner, she called me "babe" and "baby" several times and layed her head on my shoulders a couple times? Why would she still do this when she already broke my heart and threw it away?

3. Driving back to drop her off at her place, she reached over and held my hand like we used to do all the time.. why? wtf?

4. After dropping her off, she reached over and gave me a kiss on the cheek? again..why?

So many questions I have and I would appreciate it if I can get an answer from a different perspective, thanks!..I just feel like I am being played now because of the mixed messages that i am noticing..

Thanks,

lovestinks

[Wallace Stevens]

Have you ever seen 500 Days of Summer? It dramatizes this scenario. Some women will continue relationships because they are insecure, terrible people. They like your attention and seeing your emotional reaction. It's in their nature. Sadly, you can't change them.

I would try to make a sexual move. If she's interested, that will say much more than an effortless "babe" or laying her head on your shoulder.

[1986]

Im in the almost exact same situtation, please read my thread, its the one above yours i think. Its called " is she hiding her feelings......". Please read it and tell me if it reminds you of your situation. She said to me that she couldnt do the long distance, and she also gave me a small kiss last i saw her, and she contacts me about every 6 days, and i dont know how to interpret it.. anyway read it, i know its long but youre gonna get that same feeling im sure.... loveforum.net/ask-female-forum/33853-she-hiding-her-feelings-me-because-she-doesnt-want-get-hurt.html

Personally i think there are 2 possible reasons for their behaviour,

1. That they are not invested emotionally but want us to stick around for comfort reasons.

2. Because (in my situation) communication issues where both are playing games and have a problem of showing their real emotion in fear of getting hurt.... Because of long distance they want us to suffer and stick around so that they can feel that they are the ones leaving the relationship....

What do you think?

What do you think?

[Lovestinks]

Have you ever seen 500 Days of Summer? It dramatizes this scenario. Some women will continue relationships because they are insecure, terrible people. They like your attention and seeing your emotional reaction. It's in their nature. Sadly, you can't change them.

I would try to make a sexual move. If she's interested, that will say much more than an effortless "babe" or laying her head on your shoulder.

Thanks for the response Wallace. Im wondering if that sexual advance would be a good idea given the situation.. Its still kind of too soon i think.. not sure if i will come accross as a horn-dog to her and thats all i want.

[Hollywood_]

Have you had sexual relations with her in the past? If not then I fear she may be trying to use you as an "emotional boyfriend" and is filling the physical void with some other man. That is just a possibility, not saying it is whats going on by any means.

[Lovestinks]

Have you had sexual relations with her in the past? If not then I fear she may be trying to use you as an "emotional boyfriend" and is filling the physical void with some other man. That is just a possibility, not saying it is whats going on by any means.

Yes we had a great sex life until recently.. We banged probably a more 3-4 times a week..lol. Damn why did u have to remind me

[Enigmos]

sounds like she still wants a relationship but is unsure of whether or not you can actually be committed to her when the two of you are so far away from each other. (personally, i don't do LDRs; i just don't find them to be real.)

i think a part of her pushed you away because she was bracing herself for the fact that she won't see you on a regular basis. but, when the reality set in, she missed you. i think she truly cares for you, but she isn't sure whether you are willing to make a LD commitment to her.

as for the "common sense" comments, you should kindly let her know that, despite the great guy that you are, you lack telepathy. miscommunication is the biggest cause of a relationship's downfall. if she wasn't happy with something you did, or vice versa, both of you need to say something. sounds like she has the capability to harbor what she really thinks. again, remind her that you didn't go to school to read minds; you can't read her thoughts.

good luck.

[Lovestinks]

sounds like she still wants a relationship but is unsure of whether or not you can actually be committed to her when the two of you are so far away from each other. (personally, i don't do LDRs; i just don't find them to be real.)

i think a part of her pushed you away because she was bracing herself for the fact that she won't see you on a regular basis. but, when the reality set in, she missed you. i think she truly cares for you, but she isn't sure whether you are willing to make a LD commitment to her.

as for the "common sense" comments, you should kindly let her know that, despite the great guy that you are, you lack telepathy. miscommunication is the biggest cause of a relationship's downfall. if she wasn't happy with something you did, or vice versa, both of you need to say something. sounds like she has the capability to harbor what she really thinks. again, remind her that you didn't go to school to read minds; you can't read her thoughts.

good luck.

thank you Enigmos, it kind of sucks that the tables were turned the way it did but i just absorbed it and did tell her kindly that although it is a possibility for a guy to keep doing the right things at the right time, its highly unlikely to be consistent 100% of the time and that now i know these things that hurt her i will try to be a better man.. But then again, We still have this ldr to deal with in the end.. Sucks.

[Hollywood_]

I've done the LDR thing in the past and it worked fairly well for about 5 months. The girl I was with at that point seemed to stop putting effort into the relationship and soon after I ended it. It just wasn't working.

If you are going to try the LDR then make it known that you want the effort to be there on both sides 50-50. It really sucks trying to keep a relationship afloat when you are putting in 90% of the effort. It just doesn't work.

Good luck man.

[Lovestinks]

Well here is the current status. She came over for the weekend and everythig was going great. There was definitely less intimacy. It almost felt like it was one of our first dates all over again. Ill summarize it though..

She was down here from thursday till monday. Everything seemed fine until she texted me back on monday after she landed in her hometown saying on saturday nite while playing a game on my phone she saw a text from my sister that thought i was bad mouthing her behind her back which was not the case...

I explained everything to her that i merely told my sister about my situation because i wanted her to interpret the signs i was getting from her from a womans perspective and that my sister, being over protective was just asking what i was doing with her and asked when she was leaving... Thats it...

Now she doesnt want anything to do with me because i have not changed... Bs i tried my best this past weekend and even went to sunday mass wih her which was totally against my beliefs... Even bought her a coach purse she wanted as a gift. But she left it under my bed before she packed and didnt tell me a ot it until she landed..

I just dont understand why she didnt just confront me right there and then when she read the text... Women... Now i have a useless coach purse with 300 bucks in it... She left it because she thought my sister called her a gold digger..

[Gigabitch]

There is no such thing as a useless Coach purse. I'll pm my address to you. What are you saying, man?

Anyway, let her go. She's volatile and she doesn't give you any honey. You can find someone better, I promise. Silly bitch didn't know what she had.

[Lovestinks]

Hehe thanks ill save it for the next girl or retirn it and use the cash to play poker