I don't know how to break up with girlfriend

[ghost rider]

I am really afraid of breaking up with my current girlfriend because I know she will be hurt by it and she will be very angry but I am to young to be settled down already I am 21 and want to be single.

I just don't know how to put it to her or what to do and it is killing me because I feel really selfish ending it just because I want to be single.

I still care for her and don't want to see her hurt but I feel whatever I say or do won't stop this, can anyone help me out?

[Bumble_bee]

niether you or her deserve to be stuck in a relationship that's heading no where. have to man up, and do the difficult, it only gets harder the longer you leave it. good luck

[Wallace Stevens]

Be kind and gentle, but insistent. Tell her that you love her, and will always do, but that you need to strike out and see a few of the other fish in the pond. Make it seem like it's about you, rather than any fault on her part.

"Dearest, I must leave you. Why, I cannot say. Where, you cannot know. How I will get there, I haven't decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper your name. And so let us part with a love that will echo through the ages."

[vashti]

Do NOT tell her you love her. This will give her false hope. When you do it, be sure to keep the meeting short and simple. She should be able to say her piece, but do not allow it to drag on for hours.

[Wallace Stevens]

Do NOT tell her you love her. This will give her false hope. When you do it, be sure to keep the meeting short and simple. She should be able to say her piece, but do not allow it to drag on for hours.

You're right. This is a much better reading. Regardless of what you tell her, I think you should "pad" the break-up with a few compliments.

[ghost rider]

ok...what if she keeps asking loads of questions and is persistent on trying to make it look bad on me?

And what if she just floods into tears for a long time, what do I do?

[Wallace Stevens]

ok...what if she keeps asking loads of questions and is persistent on trying to make it look bad on me?

And what if she just floods into tears for a long time, what do I do?

The former is what I would expect. When people are hurt, they lash out in order to make themselves feel better. She will pin guilty feelings on you and make you feel as bad as you made her feel. These actions will indicate to you that you have hurt her, but you should ignore them, because they have nothing to do with you.

If she floods into tears, it will either be a manipulative ploy to pin the guilty feelings on you (albeit in a different way), or a genuine outpouring of emotion.

Listen, you have to realize that feelings *will* get hurt. You have two ways of dealing with this: you either rip the band-aid off and allow healing to start, or you painfully, slowly uncover every square welt millimeter of it.

[ghost rider]

Thanks alot for the help, I am still heart afraid though is it normal to be very very nervous when breaking up with someone?

[KaraScott]

Thanks alot for the help, I am still heart afraid though is it normal to be very very nervous when breaking up with someone?

The online advice I can give you is to be "HONEST" to her.

Breaking up would bring her pain but like surgery, it would bring her healing as well..Just be honest!

[ghost rider]

ok so I tried to break up with her but she laid this all on me about her supporting me so much and how good we are together and I just broke down and said I needed to go away and come back tomorrow

I cant do this guys it is breaking my heart seeing her in so much pain, she just breaks down and i cant go through with it

[Bumble_bee]

You care for her, thats really nice...but your in danger of dragging this out more than is neccessary....

she HAS to accept your decision, and she WILL get over it, yes it hurts. there is no nice way of breaking up nicely.. If you have decided you want to end things, then do it. This prolonged heartache is not good for any of you.

[jrharvey]

I TOTALLY dissagree with the short and stern thing. I think if you still love her then tell her you love her BUT you cannot be together. I dont think its false hope. I had a girl break up with me once and she told me she no longer loved me when a year later she said that she did still love me but she didnt want me to hang on. I Felt like crap hearing that she didnt love me. I didnt understand how someone could be totally in love one second and not be another. I felt like a loser. If you do that to her then she will feel like a loser. I recomend letting her know that you do really care and you hate to hurt her feelings but you need to spread your wings. Be blunt and be honest. Thats all you can do.

[Bumble_bee]

I cannot see why telling her he loves her (or not) will help her pain either...she will most likely feel even more confused about it all...''why does he love me, but not want me??''...

It is because of the OP's own attachment to his girlfirend , that it is HE that is making this harder than it should be, she no matter what manner in which he does it, has to go through the motions of a break-up.

In the end I think the sooner he gets it over and done with the sooner she can get on with the healing process....even if he does still love her, telling her this in the middle of a break-up speech only gives out false hope.

[Gigabitch]

Short and sweet. State your case, tell the truth and get outta there. Call one of her friends and give her a heads-up that your gf will be single and will need some support.''
Then go No Contact- don't make it harder for her than it has to be. Do NOT do the "let's stay friends" thing.

[Mindful Munky]

Three words: Just Be Honest. Tell her what you told us. If she continues to "badger" you with tons of questions (which is very normal, because in being dumped, people are desperate for answers), don't just make things up. Be mature and truthful and like Gigabitch wrote before me, "state your case, tell the truth and get outta there". Just like how you shouldn't drag the relationship on, you especially shouldn't drag the breakup on. Why would anyone want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with them? Maybe you should ask her that if she lays that stuff on you again...