so my girlfriend had an abortion..

[bmxracer]

Right..
I'm gonna keep this short...(but with information oc)

Girlfriend: 17 years of age then..18.5 now,
Boyfriend: 19 years of age then...21.5 now.

at 17, my gf had an abortion without discussing it with me, or even asking me how I felt about it! We'd been together around a year.

A week ago..she drops this bombshell (when we were talking about maybe concieving) that she'd had an abortion, and was told that her chances could have been reduced, furthermore, I was told recently by a doctor that I've got a low sperm count due to a cycing injury, I havn't discussed this with her yet, I'm scared.

I'm gutted about it of course, I would have loved to have a child (and I'm in a position to do so, I've had a full time job on 19.5k a year, a 3 bed house with a mortgage, since I was 16 and up to now, I thought I was in a loving relationship..I invited her to live with me last year, I asked her if there was anything she needed to tell me...and she asked likewise.

Of course, it was the same answer both ways..no.

What should I do? I can't even look at her, let alone speak to her, she disgusts me.

Z

[bluesummer]

I think you should respect her choice. At 17 years old, she's in no position to be raising a child in the first place.....it sounds like your motivation is pretty selfish. Your income also isn't what I'd consider enough to provide for a family.

Have you even asked for her side of this, or are you so caught up in your own anger and disappointment that you haven't considered her reasons or her feelings about this?

[miSSleepy]

Well, you haven't told her about your cycling injury either.

She was 17, she probably did the right thing for her at the time. Are you angry that she had an abortion or that she didn't tell you?

If you're angry that she had an abortion, then get a grip. She was way too young, and ultimately it's her life and her choice.

If you're angry that she didn't tell you, well, like I said you haven't told her about your injury either, and you need to have some understanding as to why she didn't tell you.

[IndiReloaded]

While I think she should have discussed with you, I think an abortion is definitely the right decision. This gal is too young. So are you. 20K a year is not a lot of money to raise a family on.

For future, there is help you can get re: low sperm count. Ask your doctor.

[vashti]

You are both still to young to be thinking about babies. Wait AT LEAST another 5 years, and if you still think it's a good idea, then you can revisit your anger and decide if you want her to be the momma of your babies.

[boobaa]

I think you should respect her choice. At 17 years old, she's in no position to be raising a child in the first place.....it sounds like your motivation is pretty selfish. Your income also isn't what I'd consider enough to provide for a family.

Have you even asked for her side of this, or are you so caught up in your own anger and disappointment that you haven't considered her reasons or her feelings about this?

That depends. If she has school and stuff, then yes, its not a good idea to have a child. But if both are financically secure, then the only reason for her to not have a baby is that she doesn't want any responsibilities and feels the urge to **** a little in a life. Which is a shame.
I know two guys, who are young fathers, and everything is fine.

[IndiReloaded]

Is the Z footer for someone we know and dislike? Troll?

[Bumble_bee]

That depends. If she has school and stuff, then yes, its not a good idea to have a child. But if both are financically secure, then the only reason for her to not have a baby is that she doesn't want any responsibilities and feels the urge to **** a little in a life. Which is a shame.
I know two guys, who are young fathers, and everything is fine.

Good for them, but kids raising kids? are you kidding me? whilst there might be a minority of excellent young parents out there, there aren't many 17/19 year olds that are financially stable enough to bring up a child, usually it is the family or the government that end up footing the bill.

[bluesummer]

Boobaa, the guy said he makes 20K a year.

I make that working two and a half days a week, and if I got pregnant right now I'd be looking for full time. You can't raise a family on that.

Seventeen year olds are also not mentally mature enough to be a parent. They have no life experience, hardly any education, and are basically still children themselves. What do they have to offer a child?

[bmxracer]

£20,000, pulling in £1500 a monthish before tax..
after paying the mortgage, electric etc, I'm left with about £700.
currently spending about £150 a month on food, essentials..
leaving me with £550! saving £350 a month..£200 goes on luxurys. (not really needed)

Perfectly adequate!
She doesn't have college, and she works evenings. earning £350 a month. (£300 goes in savings)

We're in a financial situation.

I'm annoyed that she didn't ask me..not that she didn't have the baby.

[Bumble_bee]

you should try and talk to her and ask her why she didn't tell you.

[bluesummer]

Maybe she didn't tell you because she was concerned you'd put pressure on her to keep it.

Having an abortion is a tough enough decision. If she knew in her heart she wanted this abortion, then talking to you about it beforehand would've just made the decision that much more agonizing for her.

[IndiReloaded]

Ultimately, its the woman's body and therefore her choice. She's not some purchased brood mare. Plus, you have made absolutely no commitment to this girl. You could decide months from now that you just aren't ready to be a father and then where would they be?

Maybe she's annoyed with you not having asked to marry her, yet?

Kids having babies. Hooray.

[CocoChanel]

I think she should have discussed it with him.