cousin from out of town

[girlie]

hi guys, i'm new here and i have a little problem/concern. here is some background info first before i get to the problem.
i have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. we have a very good, solid relationship and everything is perfect between us. we talk on the phone almost every day and we see each other about 3 times a week and one day on the weekend for the whole day. we both go to the same school together and we have talked about after school moving in together and getting married. i have had no complaints with the relationship at all so far.
ok, now on to the problem. this week his 17 year old cousin from out of state came to his house and he's going to be staying the whole week with my boyfriend and his family. he told me friday night after he brought me home that he would call me saturday so we could talk about what we were going to do on sunday. i waited for him to call me saturday but he didn't call me. then on sunday we go together and everything seemed ok. we were out doing our thing and had fun or whatever and then at the end of the day we went back to his house like normal and his cousin was there. he told me that he had come saturday and that he was going to be there for a week. i didn't think much of it, but when i went in his house i had to go to the bathroom and when i came out of the bathroom my boyfriend was watching tv with his couin. my boyfriend's little brother asked me to watch him do something in his video game and i sat down for a min. my boyfriend didn't come over to me or anything and i sat there with his little brother for about a half hour while he was over with his cousin. he never even asked where i was or anything. i felt very left out and i didn't understand why he wasn't coming over to see what i was doing. he finally came over and i told him that i wanted to talk to him. we went outside and i told him that i felt like he was ignoring me and that i didn't know why and that i was upset. he said he was sorry if i felt that way, but that he wasn't ignoring me and that everything was fine but then when we went back in and his cousin was there he wasn't even acting like himself. he was very distant from me and didn't have anything to say to me and just talked to his cousin instead of me. at the end of the night he said that he was sorry i felt uncomforable but that nothing was really wrong. i told him that i would have left or something if he wanted to spend time with his cousin and he said that no he wanted to spend time with me and not him, but that wasn't how he was acting. he told me last night that he would call me today before he went to work so we cold make plans for tuesday and he didn't call me. i know that it's because his cousin is there. i don't get what the deal is. i don't know if i'm just making a big deal out of this, but i want someone else's opinion. i'm not sure what to think. it's like he's getting rid of me to spend time with his cousin and i feel very left out.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

You are making way too big a deal out of this. Firstly his cousin is only in town for a week. If it disturbs you so much that he has to share his time with someone then that doesn't sound too healthy. As for not calling when he says he will, guys do that. They mean nothing deliberate by it, the male mind is extremely simple and telephonic commitments slip VERY easily. Just wait the week out, go hang out with some of your other friends. When his cousin is gone get back into your routine. Use this time to take some time away, let him enjoy his cousins visit and spend some time with other friends you may not get to see so often. Try not to be so dependant on spending time with him, it makes you seem infatuated with this guy.

(Sorry if my post seemed a little hostile, I didn't mean it that way. The phrase "moving in together and getting married after school" hit a nerve.)

[shafkore]

When I read what you tell me about how your boyfriend is now acting, it sparks one scenario. Let me explain.

You seem to explain to us that you two are madly committed to each other. You are already talking of marriage and living together and I am guessing that you two are around 16 to 19 years old.

Okay, now picture this:
Your boyfriend is feeling like he is almost married. Then his cousin who is 17 years old comes over, and he starts telling him about all the pussy he's been tapping, and all the women he's been playing.

Now, if your relationship with each other is not strong enough/secure enough, then yes, he is going to start having doubts about everything.

I think you need to look at your relationship with him very deeply and ask yourself, what are we missing ? If you don't see anything, then maybe you need to ask him what else he wants from this relationship. Maybe you deny him in some sort of way (not necassarily sexually). i.e. emotionally, intellectually, socially, etc.

You need to disect this relationship ship, and you need to find the problem because there is DEFINITELY a problem. If a 17 year old boy can influence him this easily, there is obviously a flaw or kink in your relationship with him.

Think about it.

[leight69]

Of couse this is speculative analysis....

have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. we have a very good, solid relationship and everything is perfect between us.

A few thoughts

1) you're young, you think the love is to last forever
2) no relationship is perfect, things can be very good, but nothing is perfect, its not human nature!
3) Instead of getting all pissed off and steamed about it, talk to him, these are the types of things if you want your relationship to work that you will have to work at, continually. If it makes you mad, then talk to him. Maybe its something that shouldnt be making you mad, and youll realise that. Or perhaps he's acting a certain way for another reason, be it, unhappiness in the relationship OR it has nothing to do with you, he just wants to spend time with family he doesnt see often!
4) a solid relationship is build on conflct, rather conflict resolution. how you chose to deal with anything that arises is the base of all relationships.

[Illusional]

wow there is so much seriousness in this room. i would add to situation but it seems everything has already been said. as for my two cents... hrmm.....


i feel that if you're going to talk to him do it soon. but if you want to wait until his cousin leaves that is fine too... just relax for the next week and try not to let it stay on your mind. it will eat you up inside. raverboy

[IceQueen]

If I were you, I'd become unavailable from now until a week has passed since his cousin has left. Find yourself other entertainment. Let him think about his behavior on his own.

The message you are supposed to carry to him by being unavailable is, "you were too busy for me, and now I've figured out a way to enjoy myself without your help. I don't need you around all that much, I have other things to do."

[girlie]

Originally posted by shafkore

You seem to explain to us that you two are madly committed to each other. You are already talking of marriage and living together and I am guessing that you two are around 16 to 19 years old.

i am 22 and he's 20
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thanks for your opinions, if you think anything else let me know! oh and he called me today and asked about getting togther and we are going to...so hopefully things will be back to normal