Hurting.....

[Zoe]

The other day I was bored so I started googling people - something I never do. I found my first love's wedding page. It turns out he was married a year ago. We dated for almost two years and broke up in 02' and never spoke since at his request. I am not sure why, but seeing this really brought up a lot of mixed feelings and emotions --so much that I was unable to sleep.

I am currently dating someone now (been together for 6 years). The relationship is working, but truthfully I am not very happy.

I feel terrible and guilty having these feelings. Seeing that photo reminded of a relationship I once shared with someone. For me it was the closest I had ever been with anyone and the best relationship I had. I realize I will never be with this guy again and I would want nothing more but for him to be happy and I suspect he is, but somehow I am really hurting. Is this normal?

I think deep down inside I always thought we would end up together....

[Zoe]

Someone please answer. I have been so upset and crying all night... What is wrong with me?

[carl1222]

Deep in the back of your mind, you had a fantasy ... that you and he would someday somehow find your way back together. Finding his wedding pics on a webpage threw a hand-grenade into that fantasy and you are understandably upset.

Don't place too much importance on how it made you think of your b/f. It's hard to compare with a fantasy that's been brewing for years. Just remember, your ex is not the same person he was when you were together, and definitely not the person in your fantasy!

Carl.

[Zoe]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[chickprincess]

I think it's just a feeling of unsettled relationship. You're still affected with your past because it's your FIRST and we're talking about marriage here right? Committing with someone who will be with you for the rest of your life. And I think you once dreamed of being with him that long. You'll get over it someday and find the one who will love you and make you happy. Love is sweeter the second time around right?

[tasha1133]

You were asking. "whats wrong with me?"
Nothing is wrong with you. Seeing the PHOTOS brought up a lot of emotions you had probably already forgotten about. Psychology calls it a conditioned response. It can happen tyo anyone. What I suggest is not to focus on this, You've had your trip down memory lane,thats enough. dont dwell on it. Leave it alone now and direct your attention to something more pressing.

I am currently dating someone now (been together for 6 years). The relationship is working, but truthfully I am not very happy.

This is important you need to analyze whether you have been unhappy for a while now, or is it just this "incident" that actually triggered you to think you are unhappy. this might make and break the future of the relationship you are in so you really need to know where your heart stands concerning the matter.

[jrharvey]

You were asking. "whats wrong with me?"
Nothing is wrong with you. Seeing the PHOTOS brought up a lot of emotions you had probably already forgotten about. Psychology calls it a conditioned response. It can happen tyo anyone. What I suggest is not to focus on this, You've had your trip down memory lane,thats enough. dont dwell on it. Leave it alone now and direct your attention to something more pressing.



This is important you need to analyze whether you have been unhappy for a while now, or is it just this "incident" that actually triggered you to think you are unhappy. this might make and break the future of the relationship you are in so you really need to know where your heart stands concerning the matter.

I agree with this. Dont base your current relationship on how you feel now. Step back and analyze what you have. Its natural to fantasize about something different and I'm not sure why alot of girls freak out if they think about another person, even for a second. Guys do this all the time. However, you may be staying in a relationship only because its there. If you really are unhappy then know you can never find happiness if you stay with this guy. You cant wait for mister right to come along if your with mister wrong. DON'T take that as a sign to dump him though. You have been together for 6 years. Think about it and dont make any crazy and rash decisions.

[Gigabitch]

Zoe, you'll be that close with someone again. Maybe it's not Mr. Right Now (and by the way, if you're not happy, the relationship is not working), but someone will find his way into the center of your heart again.

Your ex wasn't the one for you. He just taught you that it was possible.

[Disillusioned]

There seem to be strong feelings of guilt too for feeling unhappy with someone you seem to consider an alright guy. Unfortunately it can be very difficult to be forthcoming with these feelings and you would be well advised to be cautious about letting you bo know how you feel. I've put my foot in my mouth so many times when my ex was just giving me the respect of being honest with me and I let my emotions speak for me...almost always a mistake. Emotions ignore reason and I really cut her deep by expressing my emotions passionately in the form of anger directed at her. I've also been on the recieving end where having the respect to tell someone how I felt has backfired and I felt partially like it was payback and also like "I only have so much control over how I feel and I can only help it so much if I'm not happy".
For all my words I can't offer much advice but perhaps I can offer some superficial understanding (I believe all understanding is superficial because you can't share brains and language gets across such a small percentage of what you want to say).
If you feel guilty about how you feel and have already rationalized that you shouldn't feel that way it'll take your emotions time to catch up. I'd let your feelings for your old ex chill for a couple weeks and see if you can re-connect with what had you willing to stick with the guy you've got now. Give it some time. If it just gets worse over time then it might be a good idea to spend some time single before you move on to a new guy.

[plexus]

you know i think that perfectly normal. we often retain feelings for the people that we cared about in our lives. you and he shared a lot of things together even though it didnt work out. time heals. what that means is the bad stuff becomes history. the good stuff are your memories. so you are not remembering all the good stuff which is really nice. at the same time you are sad it didnt work out, which is normal and healthy. but it didnt work out for good reasons at the time and thats ok. you both moved on. and being somewhat hurt that he is now married is normal too. its all part of being human, loving, losing and living.

[lucyinthesky]

There's always a way to get back together. I've gotten back together with my girlfriend after several years apart, broke up again, and now we're engaged. There's always a way, and if its something you really want you should go for it.

[tasha1133]

There's always a way to get back together. I've gotten back together with my girlfriend after several years apart, broke up again, and now we're engaged. There's always a way, and if its something you really want you should go for it.

The guy is married. Of course they cant get back together, Plese consider the repercussions of advice before you give it!

[bluesummer]

I think it's always hard to see an old flame settle down. I was with my first love for five years, we broke up seven years ago and I am happily engaged, but when I found out this year that HE was engaged, I admit it sort of upset me too. Pretty silly.

I think that everyone inherently wants to believe that everyone they've ever been with still carries a little torch for them. Seeing them get married sort of snuffs out the flame on that torch. Seems selfish, but I've had a million friends tell me this. It's normal, and you will forget about it.

It probably doesn't help either that he's found someone he loves enough to marry and you're stuck in a six-year relationship in which you are admittedly "not happy". Maybe it's just a sign you want that kind of happiness, too.