What the hell?

[PsychoPink]

So my ex and I have been broken up for a little under a month. We were together for almost three years. We were supposed to move in together yesterday. He moved in without me.

We still love each other, etc. Basically the issue is that he thinks I have no motivation/ambition/independence. Which hey, fine whatever I guess.

So here's the thing: He still texts, messages and emails me. I never initiate the contact. When he broke up with me I basically told him to contact me only if he changed his mind.

We still love each other, and he still tells me this. He's asked me to go visit several times, etc. He still calls me muffin(my pet name) and babe and all that stupid girlfriend type stuff.

What does it mean? I'll get random texts from him every day about nothing. Like today he told me a story about having to go help a friend on the highway because his car overheated...then he texted me again to tell me his friend farted and it was lethal.

Why? What's the point? It's like he's making excuses to have contact. he said when I move back to town he wants to make me dinner.

I just don't know what to think anymore.

[spartan]

may be if you really like him you would willing to change especially if hes been good to you. Give your self some time to think about it. Make sure to have a serious talk with him about it.

[PsychoPink]

Well yes, I am in the process of changing, but not just for him-for me as well. I'm going back to school in the fall (well next week), etc. I've written a business plan, etc.

We've had many serious talks about the issue and it's gotten us no where. Basically it ends up being "I still love you, I feel like part of me is missing, but I need to see results, blah blah blah".

My opinion is if you love someone you are willing to help them work through their faults. Not dump them on their ass when things get a little rough.

[spartan]

yeah i agree with you there

[spartan]

thinking about it telling you that he loves you is not enough. he needs to show it

[Cbrider]

My opinion is if you love someone you are willing to help them work through their faults. Not dump them on their ass when things get a little rough.

Yes, but if you have been together 3 years and this problem hadn't been cleared up/you haven't manifested change until now, can you blame him?

You are trying to change, which is good, you need that change to succeed in the real world. The issue at hand is that you are trying to undo 3 years in 1 month. Its not that simple to change someones well formed opinion of you.

Yes, he still likes you and from everything you have said, wants this to work at some point down the road. Show him, do not tell him and be patient. What he did was a good thing for both you and him given the circumstances of the time.

Chin up.

[IndiReloaded]

To answer your question, I suspect now he isn't around you 24/7, some of the things he was finding annoying are less urgent now.

That said, I can see his point. Anyone who responds to a criticism of having no motivation/ambition/independence with "hey, fine, whatever" and describes her activities as "going to school, writing a b-plan, etc", seems a bit too nonchalant about life.

You seem to lack passion. Is there anything in life that gets you fired up?

[PsychoPink]

I definitely do not lack passion. I wrote a business plan to open an animal shelter-which is what I'm passionate about. When i say hey fine whatever, its more a response of my feelings being hurt-not that I don't care. Believe me, I do.

I'm not nonchalant about life-at all. I'm working to change. I completely understand where he's coming from, but I also feel abandoned. There are things about him that aren't great, but I've never asked him to change.

It's not like for the last 3 years I've been sitting on my butt doing nothing.

[Gigabitch]

He doesn't seem to like you the way you are and doesn't seem to understand that if you break up with someone, every time you call it reopens a wound that's trying to heal.

You're unmotivated. He's inconsiderate. Not a good match.

Draw some lines, here. You're helping him ease through the breakup by taking his calls. Stop doing that. Maintaining his emotional state is no longer your responsibility.

[PsychoPink]

may be if you really like him you would willing to change especially if hes been good to you. Give your self some time to think about it. Make sure to have a serious talk with him about it.

He doesn't seem to like you the way you are and doesn't seem to understand that if you break up with someone, every time you call it reopens a wound that's trying to heal.

You're unmotivated. He's inconsiderate. Not a good match.

Draw some lines, here. You're helping him ease through the breakup by taking his calls. Stop doing that. Maintaining his emotional state is no longer your responsibility.

Here's the thing, I'm not unmotivated (I really wish people would stop saying that) Just because he thinks I'm unmotivated doesn't mean I am.

In my opinion I don't need to be taking my PhD to be motivated. I know what I want to do with my life, and I'm working towards it. Rome wasn't built in a day.

And I know the best thing to do right now would be no contact...i tried that. I just can't do it. Sure I might be weak. We want to try again down the road, so I don't see the point in cutting him out of my life, especially when I am making positive changed.

I just associate lack of motivation with laziness, and I am definitely not lazy. I'm 25, and I'm working towards what I want. Sometimes people change paths in life. I have. I don't see the issue.