Unsure of what to do

[jrharvey]

I have been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half now and things have always been pretty good. Recently we both graduated college and she went back home (about an hour away) until she can find a job. Well we have been doing fine with this semi long distance thing but something is REALLY bothering me. She "surprised me" this week by coming down and staying a whole week. The first day she stayed was awesome but the rest was uneventful and awkward. She became VERY distant and honestly did not kiss, hug, or show any affection the next five days at all. She didn't even tell me she loved me the entire time. I'm not the type of guy to get all ancy just because a girl isnt initiating the affection so I tried to get close but it seems like she pushes me away. Im not speaking about sexual stuff either just simple and normal affection. We went out to dinner with here friend and when walking to the place I put my arms around her and she threw it off and told me she doesn't like public affection which is weird because that is something i always do. So basically like most guys I just tried to hold it in and let it pass. Well I find out that she is actually leaving a day earlier than she said she would and the last day with me she just read a book the entire day and not even agnologing my presence other than to watch a movie. I'm not a needy guy by any means but I can tell something is wrong and its driving me nuts so I had to ask her. I told her I felt like something was wrong and listed off everything I just said in this post and she basically got really defensive saying that she did not want to be that couple that was all over each other and that MY INSECURITY was turning her off. Now that pissed me off a bit because I am not insecure at all and I have never been. Its not about security, its what I want. I asked her if she wanted to stay in the relationship (bad move, I know) and she said "I don't know, I mean I think I do. You just frustrate me sometimes by being so needy". NOW keep in mind that I have NEVER EVER been needy. I LOVE my space and I give her lots of space. Its weird because all my friends say we are the MOST UNaffectionate couple EVER. However, I don't see the point of being in a relationship without any love or affection. I knew from the start that she was not the most clingy and needy girl which is EXACTLY what i liked about her but things have really changed from not clingy to plain ignoring or even scorn. She talked in sarcasm about 95% of the time but I notice that she is super sweet with everyone else such as friends and family. Why would she even surprise visit me just to be like this? Why even come at all? Last night I couldnt sleep and went in the living room to watch some TV and considered just sleeping in there because being in the same bed with her was just upsetting me. I then realized that this may be the last time I ever get to sleep with her the way things are going and that I wanted to cuddle up with her one last time so I did and told her I loved her and I dont think I have ever meant it more then when I did then. My heart was lifted when she said it back but i fear this really is the end. I dont know how much I can take of this or if I even should. I wasnt sure about dating when we first started and I wasnt even ready but she assured me that her feelings where real and that I was everything she ever wanted. She made me feel amazing so I figured I would give it a try and things went great but I wonder if we hit the end of our road. It hurts me to say this but I am considering ending it because something is obviously wrong and instead of talking about it she gets defensive and throws jabs at me. What should I do? Any advise is great.

[jrharvey]

No advice?

[carl1222]

Your situation is a tough one to answer because her actions don't make sense. I can see her coming home unexpectedly to break up, but to come home unexpectedly for a week just to act cold to you and to argue with you is downright bizarre.

My guess, and it's ONLY a guess, is that there is a lot going on here that remained unsaid. Perhaps she came with the intention of breaking up and, for some reason, didn't go through with it.

That would fit well with her behavior. Other than that, I'm drawing a blank.

Carl.

[jrharvey]

I guess she could have come to break it off but that seems really weird. I would think that if she didnt have the guts to bring it up herself that she would have mentioned it when we talked about the issue. Bringing it up is always the hardest part I think. I admit that it is weird and there is something she is just not telling me. Maybe she no longer loves me but she is afraid to tell me. Maybe she wants to but is afraid of being lonely, IDK. Either way I am debating on whether or not I should break up with her. We are obviously not happy right now and we just spent a week together when we wont see each other for maybe a few weeks to a month. I just feel like things will get worse now that we are apart again. If she is too afraid to make the move then maybe I should? Maybe she is acting like this hoping that ill do it?

[lilac]

She`s not sure about this relationship. So you either show her why she should be in this relationship which will require some hard work from your part or tell her that this isn`t working out for you.

She obviously feel a bit clingy on your part and if you keep doing what you are doing right now she`ll break it of. I know that you feel that you are not clingy or needy, but what you feel isn`t what she feels. And what she feels is that you are needy and clingy, so show her that you can be independent without her (if you wanted me make it work)

If you want the easy and fast way, talk to her about it, if her respond is not what you would like to hear then I think you`ll be better off without a girlfriend.

Oh! and it is very normal in a relationship to like to feel that you are being love, why would you get into a relationship that you don`t feel that you are being love anyways....

[jrharvey]

oops, double post

[jrharvey]

She`s not sure about this relationship. So you either show her why she should be in this relationship which will require some hard work from your part or tell her that this isn`t working out for you.

She obviously feel a bit clingy on your part and if you keep doing what you are doing right now she`ll break it of. I know that you feel that you are not clingy or needy, but what you feel isn`t what she feels. And what she feels is that you are needy and clingy, so show her that you can be independent without her (if you wanted me make it work)

If you want the easy and fast way, talk to her about it, if her respond is not what you would like to hear then I think you`ll be better off without a girlfriend.

Oh! and it is very normal in a relationship to like to feel that you are being love, why would you get into a relationship that you don`t feel that you are being love anyways....

If going an entire week without a single kiss, hug or simple "I love you" is what I have to do to keep her then i am better off without because to me, that's not fun. I like to think I am a passionate person and enjoy a lover, not just a friendly acquaintance. The problem with proving to her that I am not clingy is that I will end up going several months without any affection from what I can tell. It just sucks because I do love her and she claims to love me, she just doesn't show it at all. BTW every girl I have been with before her always starved for more attention from me so i know that I am not a clingy person but maybe its just in her eyes.