I don't understand.

[Indestructible]

Prolly about to go into a long post, here, so buckle up for the ride. I'm a guy, 20 years old (soon to be 21 in a couple months), and I've never so much as flirted with a girl, let alone date a girl, or be involved in a long term relationship (which, deep down, is my ultimate goal). I'll admit, I'm very introverted, and I don't like going out and socializing very much if I don't have to. Even still, I think I have decent opportunities for meeting girls; I'm in college, and working part time at a retail store, after all. I'm not necessarily "shy"; again, just more introverted than anything else.

Now, I could easily list all the qualities about me that are probably big turnoffs to most girls; but that's not the point of this topic. Believe it or not, but I haven't even made it this far, for one bizarre, kinda scary reason -- I can't find any girls that I'm attracted to. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not attracted to men; on a basic, general level, I'm attracted to women. I meet girls that are cute, or girls that are nice, but never one that I "click" with, never one that I feel that "chemistry" with. Honestly, I even meet plenty of girls that I wouldn't mind "hooking up" with, if you catch my drift, but unlike a lot of other guys my age, that's not enough for me to go on, especially because I couldn't see myself with any of those girls beyond that "hook up".

In my almost 21 years of life, though, I've only met one girl that I felt the type of connection I'm looking for with (and man, was I head over heels for her). Of course, it was much too complicated of a situation to ever work out, and it still makes me a bit sad even today. We still chat online every once in a blue moon, though I suppose that's not exactly helping me any, lol.

I just don't understand. Why is it such a struggle for me to find some one I connect with? How is it that so many people in my age range are able to find people that they want to pursue (even if they end up getting rejected), yet I can't find a single one? It just boggles my mind, and it scares me, because I don't see many facets of my life changing majorly in the next few years, so I feel like I'm doomed to stay stuck in this "rut" for a very long time, yet.

[miSSleepy]

Well you said yourself that you're introverted and don't like to socialise much. And since you're the type of person not to get too hooked into something unless you see a future of any type (I know people like this) you don't get the chance to connect with any girls.
You sound like you need to sit down, have a conversation, find out more about the girl, before you feel a connection. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just who you are. But you also don't get to do this, do you?
Get out and socialise is your best bet, as hard as it seems.

[lostinconfusion]

maybe your heart just belongs to your first love. what was so complicated about your situation?

[Indestructible]

maybe your heart just belongs to your first love. what was so complicated about your situation?

Heh, well, she's sort of a childhood friend (whom I've always had a thing for), but A) we haven't seen each other in a few years, and B) she goes to a university that's about 2 hours away from where I live. In the last few months, I even tried asking her about meeting up a couple of times (the last time was a bit more forward and I let on more about my feelings for her), and both times, she didn't necessarily "totally reject" me, but at the same time, I got the feeling that she didn't want to get too attached to some one that is so far away (geographically). I guess I can understand that; after all, we're both taking classes full time, and we're both working part time jobs, so we'd probably have a hard time making time for each other even if we did try to make it work. Unfortunately, the distance will exist for at least another two years; after that, she might come back to her home city (which is much closer to where I live), but I figure by then, she'll probably have another boyfriend, and he'll probably be the guy she ends up marrying, in the end.

[Reath]

.. he'll probably be the guy she ends up marrying, in the end.

Then why don't you just move on or do you prefer to watch Titanic?

[Indestructible]

*shrug* Well, I don't really know how to "move on". I've already accepted that it'll probably never happen between me and her, but that doesn't seem to stop me from having feelings for her, deep down. I think that I'll always have feelings for her (she was my "first love", after all), but the best I can do is just to bury it deep down inside and hope I meet some one else.

[lastwish]

You are stuck in fantasyland where you want to date only the ideal girl. I think you need to open up and accept the fact that you will never find someone that is perfect or completely compatible with you.

[IndiReloaded]

I can tell from your replies to those who asked about your 'first love' that you are carrying a torch for this gal. Its a fantasy. You know it is. The next step is to accept this intellectually and then do the things that will help you move on. It doesn't help with the feelings right away but over time it will.

To move on quickly (douse that torch) you must get out and date other girls. Just for fun, don't even expect much from it. Just be friendly. Eventually, you will meet other girl(s) who you find interesting. Trust those who have been before you.

[Indestructible]

You are stuck in fantasyland where you want to date only the ideal girl. I think you need to open up and accept the fact that you will never find someone that is perfect or completely compatible with you.

Eh, but I never really expected to find the "perfect" girl; I'm not looking for a girl that looks a certain way or will do certain things for me. I'm just looking for a girl that I feel extremely comfortable around, a girl that I get along with better than anyone. Beyond that, I don't even care what kind of qualities she has.

I can tell from your replies to those who asked about your 'first love' that you are carrying a torch for this gal. Its a fantasy. You know it is. The next step is to accept this intellectually and then do the things that will help you move on. It doesn't help with the feelings right away but over time it will.

To move on quickly (douse that torch) you must get out and date other girls. Just for fun, don't even expect much from it. Just be friendly. Eventually, you will meet other girl(s) who you find interesting. Trust those who have been before you.

Well, I think to an extent, I've already accepted that as a fantasy (like I've been saying all along, I'm very much aware of how unlikely the whole situation is). As for dating other girls, I'm not necessarily expecting to fall into a long term relationship right away, but the thing with me is, I'm a "friends first" kind of guy. I kinda like to get an idea of who a girl is before I think about dating her. I know that generally speaking, that's the point of dating some one, to get to know them better to see if you want to continue seeing them; but in my mind, I'd rather save myself the trouble and figure that out before I pursue anything. Unfortunately, there are a lot of pitfalls to this logic, but it's just the way my mind works. Even still, I don't find any girls I see a lot of potential for with myself beyond a few dates.

[Reath]

You're not desperate for a girlfriend are you?
Take your time... until you found another girl to your liking.
Of course, don't compare them. Once you did, you'll be a priest for life. Your crush is something unattainable so of course she will best out of all the better girls out there.
Get to know them more. They may be not really what you think they are. Maybe.

[IndiReloaded]

Even still, I don't find any girls I see a lot of potential for with myself beyond a few dates.

You did understand I told you to date for fun? 'A few dates' would count as that. Besides, its all good practice and you never know who you will meet via these girls. A lot of folks meet their eventual partners through friends. Think of it as social networking if that works better for you.

[Indestructible]

You're not desperate for a girlfriend are you?

I don't think I give off a "desperate" vibe; I'm pretty quiet and to myself (mostly because I'm a bad conversationalist), so no, I don't get all crazy desperate.

You did understand I told you to date for fun? 'A few dates' would count as that. Besides, its all good practice and you never know who you will meet via these girls. A lot of folks meet their eventual partners through friends. Think of it as social networking if that works better for you.

Silly as it sounds, though, I feel kinda bad dating girls who, in the back of my mind, I've already decided isn't quite what I'm looking for. Wouldn't be fair to them, right?