How to get her back?

[VeeVee]

Hi,
I just stumbled across this site and thought I would try to get some advice. My situation is probably a common one. I recently went through a break-up after over 2 years of the relationship. a large part of that time was very ambiguous and off/on, especially the last 6 months of it. There was a time of about a year where I felt we had a pretty healthy relationship. Issues that led to the break-up involved what each of us wanted out of life. She was wanting marriage, family, to settle down. I was ok with that but didn't want to feel forced. I also was more into having my own space and time to myself while still seeing her. I also wanted her to be more ambitious. She didn't have job and really didn't have much in the way of goals. I wanted to see that in her before settling down. Fast forward through the off/on and then the break-up. I felt ok with not seeing her at first, we would talk from time to time on the phone about a month after our split. I could tell she would've been ok with reconciling but I wasn't interested in that. She's a musician and I was supposed to come see her play, we had planned on this. Then she uninvited me, saying she didn't think it a good idea. I called her and we talked about it for a while. It turned out she had a date. It was at this point I realized that she was really moving on and I was losing her, but I tried to keep my cool. After about a week of not talking to her I broke down and called her crying, begging her to come back. I know now that this was a big mistake. She told me that she had a change of perspective and that she doesn't feel the same way anymore. I asked her to tell me she didn't love me anymore, that she didn't care, that this would help me move on, she couldn't say that. Only that we aren't meant to be together. Then later that night she texted me saying she wanted me to be ok. I emailed her two times after this, both basically saying I was ready to make things right, that I had changed. The response was that she felt it was over and that we should stop communicating for a while. She then removed me from facebook. I also noticed that she removed this guy that she had gone on a date with. About two weeks after that I left a painting, some flowers, and a CD with a song on it at her doorstep, no words though, and no indication that it was me although I'm sure she knows it was me.

It's been about 3 weeks since that last exchange and I've been trying to sort through everything in my head. I can't get her off my mind and I'm realizing how much I really love this girl. I've seen here a couple of times while hanging out with my friends, we have several mutual friends. The first time was awkward but I said hello to her and she smiled and said hi back. The second time I saw her I made a bit more of an effort to talk so I asked how she was and she responded and asked me the same. We even kind of joked a little but the conversation was very light. I'll probably see her again tomorrow night and I want to reach out to her but I don't know how. I know she wants to be friends at some point, and so do I, but I also want to try and get her back. I know the only way to do this is to be her friend again first, and make her want me again. I know during this time apart we've both been working on our own personal issues and I feel that I've made progress. Maybe I'm not completely ready to hang out with her again and maybe she feels the same. I just don't know when to make a move or if I should just wait for her to make a move, or if she even has any thoughts of me in this way at all. Any advice here would be greatly appreciated.

-J

[Mish]

It sounds like it's time for you to move on. She has, now it's your turn.