Confused, and kind of scared...

[myowngrave]

There's a little story here, since I'm new and a little background may help I'll tell it. First, a little about me. I'm 26, male, a little over weight but I think I hide it fairly well since I'm tall and have broad shoulders. I think I'm harder on myself than anyone else has been about my looks so we'll just say I'm no model, but I won't peel the paint off a car by looking at it. (somewhere in between)

I didn't have a girlfriend all through highschool, girl friends, sure but nothing that went anywhere. The summer I graduated I met a girl that I liked. That was 9 years ago and we are now engaged. Some people here may think I have it made but I am starting to have doubts. I love her, at least I think I do. I've never been with anyone else. How can I know what it feels like for sure.

Anyway what brought this whole "doubt" on was I went to my cousin's wedding and one of his wife's bridesmaids just blew me away. I was engaged so I just ignored it. At the reception I'd always catch myself staring at her and then she came to talk. We talked and danced, which for me was very hard to do with how odd it felt in the situation I was in. The reception ended for me early because I was battling myself the entire night and I couldn't take it. I mean, I've seen other women, I've talked with other women, I've danced with other women... but I've never felt like that. I didn't even say goodbye to her. Do people believe in love at first sight? Is it wrong of me to feel like this?

My fiance and I haven't set a date yet, but probably next summer. After the wedding I was at I just have a very screwed up sence of confusion/fear/doubt.

I am writing this since I really cannot talk to anyone I know, I hate that as well.

I don't know if I need advice or someone to call me an idiot. But it's been 2 months and I cannot get her out of my head.

Anyone, help.... please.

[myowngrave]

There seems to be alot of people here that have good opinions, but not for this one? Need more info?

[Mish]

Well, you are engaged, but are you ready for the responsibility of marriage? Sounds like you are not and you may need to take some time out for yourself to figure out what you actually want out of life. The bridesmaid that you met, do you know anything about her? Don't set your hopes up, emotions like these are usually very transient and most likely even if you were single nothing would happen. But the fact that you are having these doubts screams that you are not yet ready for commitment. Sounds like what you need is a couple of heart breaks before you can appreciate what you already have.

[myowngrave]

What you say makes sence. I thought I was fine with getting married until that point to. It's true to I don't know alot about the "other" woman but due to the closeness to the family it wouldn't be hard to get ahold of her. I just know it's wrong to do so, which is why I haven't. Just can't shake the feelings, you know? I don't want to break any hearts, mine or my fiances. Probably can't be avoided if I continue this....

Amniesa would be a godsend right about now.

[EndlessRomantic]

Amniesa would be a godsend right about now.

You want to forget you met that bridesmaid? History tends to repeat itself. If you had never met this bridesmaid, it would probably still have happened with someone else later on. Better is happens before you get married.

Don't think about other's first. You are the most important person in your life.

These feeling mean something. If they came up once, they'll come again. Think of it as a warning.

Good luck mate!

[girl68]

Endless has it just about right.

I see things like this: you might not leave for her, the bridesmaid, you might not leave for the next one or even the next. But eventually one day there will be a bridesmaid that you don't shake and at that point you will leave maybe not FOR her, but BECAUSE of her at the very least.

You do need to think about this. Not about the maid but about what marriage means. IT means for life. This will be the only woman for the rest of your life. Are you down with that? You don't know right? So why not take some time to think about it. I'm not sure how you can get this time away from your finance but you have to make it happen.

Curiosity is getting the best of you. You think is this it? Is this good enough? Is this the best it gets? But the most important question of all is: are you willing to take the chance to find out. That is the one and only tell tale question you need to answer. And you need to be absoluetly positive about that answer before you get married.

History does tend to repeat itself in terms of your situation.

Goodluck.

[myowngrave]

Lots to think about. Thanks.

[Feonixbrimstone]

Anyway what brought this whole "doubt" on was I went to my cousin's wedding and one of his wife's bridesmaids just blew me away. I was engaged so I just ignored it. At the reception I'd always catch myself staring at her and then she came to talk. We talked and danced, which for me was very hard to do with how odd it felt in the situation I was in. The reception ended for me early because I was battling myself the entire night and I couldn't take it. I mean, I've seen other women, I've talked with other women, I've danced with other women... but I've never felt like that. I didn't even say goodbye to her. Do people believe in love at first sight? Is it wrong of me to feel like this?

Love at first sight is a myth. Compatability at first meeting is very possible and seems to be this. Your mind sees her as a compatible match. I personally think havent had alot of experience and that also really plagues your mind.


there is a possibility that you and the first girl are soul mates then again i don't know you guys personally so i could be horribly wrong. and i think i might. i think you and the brides maid could really have something.

all I can really say is i personally would want to see where we could go. rarely do things click that well at first impression.

[myowngrave]

Well other than the fact I felt like a dumbass feeling like that while trying to just keep it casual, it was just two people meeting. Just talked a bit, danced, that kind of thing couldn't really put a move on her. I don't even know a whole lot about her, not enough to make a judgement, in my mind, if we would work together. It's just that first impression, it's lasting, and won't stop.

The big question is which risk to I want to take. If my fiance is not "the one" then it will end sooner or later = bad to stay.

I hate to say it but so far I'm leaning towards leaving....... that was really hard just to type. It's not even on the grounds I want the bridesmade, more on the notion that I'm not sure she's "the one".

[Feonixbrimstone]

Well other than the fact I felt like a dumbass feeling like that while trying to just keep it casual, it was just two people meeting. Just talked a bit, danced, that kind of thing couldn't really put a move on her. I don't even know a whole lot about her, not enough to make a judgement, in my mind, if we would work together. It's just that first impression, it's lasting, and won't stop.

The big question is which risk to I want to take. If my fiance is not "the one" then it will end sooner or later = bad to stay.

I hate to say it but so far I'm leaning towards leaving....... that was really hard just to type. It's not even on the grounds I want the bridesmade, more on the notion that I'm not sure she's "the one".

if you can say that honestly then there is a very almost definite chance that you are right. there are few people out there who know exactly who or what they want. and i think you aren't one of them.

I think its a rule of thumb that you should have at least more then one relationship before you can be satisfied with who you chose.