Advice needed for a break

[LostSnake18]

This is my first post here. I need some advice on how to handle this situation. My girlfriend of three years decided she wanted a break. This all started after I graduated from college and started looking for a career. She has one year left at the same college. Our majors are such that will not be easy to get jobs in many cities. She is worried we will not be able to be in the same city and cant have a long distance relationship. I told her I would be willing to sacrifice my career to move wherever she finds a job in a year. She said that even so she still wants a break. Is this her way of breaking up? Maybe she cant find the way to make it official and is handling it this way. Do I give her space or do I assume its over and move on with my life?

[carl1222]

break = breakup, almost always. If nothing else, it means that she is not committed enough to the relationship to sort out the bad times. Move on, my friend.

Carl.

[mhaira]

Breaking up with your love one is definitely not the end of the world. You have to prove to him, his loss in losing you. Stand up and don't forget to love again.. Visit us in (sabetsu.com).

[_bebedreams]

i agree with mhaira. move on doesn't solve the problem -_- i don't know why people always say that. it's soo hard, honestly i think she just needs time to think about what's her next sttep and how she's handling her problems.

[girl68]

Break = over.

Moving on doesn't have to mean jumping in some other girls bed. It just means don't sit around expecting her to come back.

[EndlessRomantic]

She wants to breakup, but asking for a break is just easier. What I think you should do is, if you want her back, to leave her alone until she contacts you again. She asked for a "break" she will be the one to contact you. Don't go all emotional on her and bug her with e-mails and texts. Live you life, do the things you want, and be ready for it to be over. When a girl asks for a break, she expects the guy to beg for her. Doing the opposite will get her thinking and wondering what you are doing. When she does contact you again, don't act hurt and in pain, be confident. In the end, it's her loss.

[LostSnake18]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. The worst thing is that I don't truly know if its the long distance and career stuff or something else. We seemed to be so happy just a month ago. I would hate for career stuff to get in the way of the love of my life. I would give it all up for her. I guess I will do what everyone says and not contact her at all. I haven't this past week and will continue to do so until she contacts me. Eventually it will be nice to know what her true feelings are.

[ShyGuy81]

Having being in a situation where I have ended up on a break with my girlfriend, the general consensus does seem to be:

Break = Breakup

I will be honest it sucks, especially when things seemed fine beforehand and this appears to come out of the blue. The worst part is the not knowing what is going on, especially as no doubt you both agreed on the break but it was her that suggested it in the first place.

What I have found the easiest thing to which has helped is to let her contact me which seems to be what you are doing. It will help get her head straight and I have assumed that this is the start of the end which has stopped me going crazy by trying to figure out what is happening and I am taking this time to go out with my friends and have a good time.

It sounds a little harsh but I do keep still thinking about her but it has been better than moping around the house thinking about it all the time.

I hope that you get it resovled soon one way or the other,

Lee

[LostSnake18]

Well its definitely over. It wasn't even what I thought. The career stuff may have brought her new feelings out but basically she doesn't think she loves me the same way anymore. She says she still loves me and all that and doesn't understand herself why she is giving me up. The worst part is that she doesn't even know and she is having a terrible time about all of this. How does love change so suddenly?

[carl1222]

She never got beyond the infatuation stage where it's all about what makes her feel good instead of committing to sustaining and working on the relationship (love). Three years is about the outer limit of a relationship based only on infatuation.

Love is a feeling plus a willingness to do the work to stay together and make it work. For her, love is just a feeling ... period. So when that feeling fades, so does the love.

Because her change of heart is so sudden, I suspect there is another guy lurking in the shadows somewhere.

Carl.

[LostSnake18]

Ok maybe it isnt as sudden as I made it seem but I know for sure there is no other guy. But your probably right about the rest. She was only 17 when we started dating.

[carl1222]

Ok maybe it isnt as sudden as I made it seem but I know for sure there is no other guy. But your probably right about the rest. She was only 17 when we started dating.

You left out an important part that explains it all. Girls who have been with the same guy since adolescence frequently feel the need to test the waters to make sure they haven't missed an opportunity for someone better. It usually happens in their early 20s, so she's right on schedule with that too.

Carl.

[LostSnake18]

Im sure your right about that. I just know there is no one right now that she would end up dating. But Im sure with time thats for sure what she wants. Unlucky me to fall for someone that was so young.

[lucyinthesky]

Whatever you do, dont fight it. Agree with her. This might scare her a little bit, but it will show that you are strong and independent and make her think twice. After that, you can proceed to bring the relationship back together on your terms.

[LostSnake18]

I did precisely that when we talked and officially broke up. I surprised myself by how strong I was. I realize I can't stay sad about this forever. Life goes on. Love is won and lost.