Boyfriend saying racist/bigoted things.

[xxbabeechick]

I'm a black female and my boyfriend is a white male. I have dated interacially plenty of times so race has never been an issue for me. My boyfriend's ex was Chinese, so you'd figure he'd be the same way, however...

My boyfriend is constantly making racial remarks and saying bigoted things. As he has grown more and more comfortable with me, it is starting to get a little out of hand. He makes remarks about "Paki's" smelling, Asian people being dirty and Asian women being b*tches, uses the word g*inea to refer to Italian Americans, and constant, constant remarks about black people. Of course, this is personal for me since I am a black woman. My mother lives in in Harlem, and he had to do a site survey there for his job, and all he could make is negative remarks...If blacks are congregating they're "drug dealing", he's going to get beaten up or mugged in my old apartment building, etc...He acts like he hates black men, in particular. He always tries to frame these remarks as jokes, but it's getting old. Last night when I put a scarf over my head to go to bed, he cracked an Aunt Jemima joke. This is just getting ridiculous. If I indicate to him that a remark bothers me, he chides me for being 'sensitive'. I'm not sensitive at all when it comes to racial stuff, but he goes overboard all the time. He was talking to his black co-worker in the same way and she said, "I wonder how your girlfriend puts up with you." (She knows I'm black.)

He said, "Well, my girlfriend has a sense of humor." But I don't think he's funny, I'm just a submissive/quiet type in general.

He also talks to me in a condescending manner because he is several years my senior, which I also put up with, because again, I'm the docile/submissive/quiet type.

I know he cares about me, and in many respects, I think he is the most mature and caring boyfriend I've ever had. He seems so considerate all the time, and he never hesitates to make sure I get what I want. I could see myself being with him for a long time. I just want him to cut the racial crap, without him thinking I'm being 'too sensitive'.

Please help!!!

[Gribble]

You know what I've noticed? Racists don't hate a race. They hate a specific gender and a race. A white man might hate black men, but he sure as hell loves him a pretty little black girl.

Ditch the shithead. You don't need to be with a brainless twat like that. That sort of behavior is inexcusable.

[misombra]

dump him.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1DkVljeRfM&feature=fvst"]YouTube - The Specials - Racist Friend[/ame]

[xxbabeechick]

Just fyi, guys, dumping him is not an option. I'm crazy about him. and overall, he treats me exceedingly well. I just think he grew up in a home environment in which such talk was acceptable and had friends as a kid who talked like that because their parents talked like that. He grew up in a very white area in Westchester. This is not to make excuses for him, just offering some insight.

[s_b]

He makes you feel uncomfortable, he knows full well what he's saying and even more so he knows that it upsets you, yet somehow he's managed to twist this around and got you thinking that you are being "too sensistive", that it's "not his fault" he's been brought up that way - big RED FLAG!

If you really want to work this out (why you would I have no idea...), then tell him straight that you will not tolerate this anymore...if he argues or comes out with another comment then you know your answer about how "mature and caring" he is.

But seriously, how and why the heck do you tolerate going out with a prick like this anyhow....

[SplashyXxX.com]

I think it turns you on since he is a bad ass...as worst he gets as more you love him! go jerks!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Junket]

How old is he?

Remind yourself that once the infatuation stage dies out, negative traits like that will become intolerable to you unless he doesn't clean up his act.

[Sonrisa]

Just fyi, guys, dumping him is not an option. I'm crazy about him. and overall, he treats me exceedingly well. I just think he grew up in a home environment in which such talk was acceptable and had friends as a kid who talked like that because their parents talked like that. He grew up in a very white area in Westchester. This is not to make excuses for him, just offering some insight.

just fyi, you won a lottery. you get to be a miserable piece of shit for the rest of your life.

ban me Fras.

[Junket]

just fyi, you won a lottery. you get to be a miserable piece of shit for the rest of your life.

ban me Fras.

What for?
_

[Sonrisa]

for saying shit.

[Junket]

for saying shit.

You are such a drama queen.

[Sonrisa]

no you are.

[Junket]

no you are.

No, you are.

[IndiReloaded]

Dumping is always an option.

Tolerating someone's disgusting behaviour is almost as bad as doing it yourself.

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Maybe you should try here:

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[single1]

well, if he is so caring you need to tell him to stop that. you're putting what he does for you over what is really bothering. in the long run it may get worse. talk to him and stop being quiet because silence means its ok to him. yes, we women are supposed to be sensitive. God made us this way. don't be bothered by that, that's our make up.

he's arrogant and has no respect for other people. you're just as guilty keeping your mouth shut.