Is there truth to He's Just Not That Into You?

[Gribble]

Dating is a lot like interviewing for a job. You don't want to be yourself. You want to be the ideal candidate. Once the deal is sealed then you can be yourself.

[Charlie Boy II]

yeah but the worst is when you get tricked and you end up with a total bitch.

My mate got tricked by this baby-faced 20 year old Swede. She was so mellow for the first 4-5 months, but now she's a complete demon.

The other night she grapped him by the chin and then slapped him, right in the middle of a bar. She's kicked the side of his sofa in, she's smashed food on the floor. They were walking along in the rain the other day and she started smashing her umbrella against a fence! He admitted the other night he hid his laptop in the middle of a fight, because he thought she was going to smash it. Jesus!

So yeah, the tricking works both ways.

[vashti]

yeah but the worst is when you get tricked and you end up with a total bitch.

My mate got tricked by this baby-faced 20 year old Swede. She was so mellow for the first 4-5 months, but now she's a complete demon.

The other night she grapped him by the chin and then slapped him, right in the middle of a bar. She's kicked the side of his sofa in, she's smashed food on the floor. They were walking along in the rain the other day and she started smashing her umbrella against a fence! He admitted the other night he hid his laptop in the middle of a fight, because he thought she was going to smash it. Jesus!

So yeah, the tricking works both ways.

And to think: all this time I thought the Swedes were peace-loving people!

[Mish]

Yeh that's true. One of my friend's gf is a total Castratikron. She's figured out all of his weaknesses and is now in complete control of him. He's like a robot. She tells him what to do, cuts him off and snaps at him for doing something she didn't approve off. He's not allowed to go out anywhere by himself. I treat her like a piss of crap (she's scared of me because one day I lost it with her and gave her a laud lecture, so she's careful not to bring the psycho out of me) and he often looks at me with this admiration. It's really pathetic.

She started as a "nice girl" as well.

[ellie]

And to think: all this time I thought the Swedes were peace-loving people!

Hey, we are! Are you sure she was from Sweden? lol

[parsovski]

A guy who is into you will do SOMETHING, and then based on your reaction to that he may or may not do more things.

The above is correct.
When I contact her once, then do it a second time, and she's like "well, I'm busy tonight," or "well this is a busy period of my life", then it is obvious that:

1. She doesn't wanna go out with me again.
2. She does, but is acting that way because that's building her ego up.
3. She's confused.

So, in all of the mentioned cases, I stop calling her. If it isn't #1, then she will eventually call me, and if she doesn't, it's over.
And if it is #1, not calling her is the right thing straight away.

So either ways, girls should be careful how they act in these situations, 'cause that's what gives the signals to us.

[Kat14]

I agree with Parsovski, about how you respond to a guy. If I'm not into a guy I tell him I'm busy, which is true, I work three jobs. But if I liked a guy, I would totally find the time to see him, busy or not. And I think it goes both ways.

[chickprincess]

I think it's true because after reading that book, it made me realize a lot of things. Guys make you think that they like you but in reality, they don't. They just like flirting with you. Some jerks only wants to see you when they're drunk. Situations like that are real. We should be mindful of the things they say and do.

[Wallace Stevens]

I haven't read the book. What's it about? I remember that there was a film based on it.

I also agree with Parsovski. If you like someone, you will make time to see them, despite a busy schedule. People prioritize, and nobody puts work above a possible hot date.

[ellie]

Nobody puts work above a possibly hot date, yes, but what about relationships? Should you believe someone who makes excuses for not having a relationship? (Because it is too time consuming etc)

The main points the authors want to point out in the book are; If a man/guy makes excuses for not seeing you, not having a relationship with you - he is just not that into you.
If a guy doesn't show you clearly he is interested he is not that into you.
If you are in doubt whether or not he is interested he is not that into you.
If you aren't absolutely sure he is interested he is probably not that into you.
Etc etc.

Mainly, "if you are in doubt, he is not that into you."

[Sixpacj]

True, you have to look at what the guy does, not what he says.

But you, also, can affect how he acts so do not take the advice from the book all at face value.

Field experience is king, as always, experienced girls will be fine but it seems to me the book will wreak havoc in young girls' romantic lives if they take the advice literally.

Personally, I hate when a woman is too passive and doesn't know when to respond and how... I usually tend to lose interest. And I know so many great women who have been alone for years and still would rather stay that way than make a phone call...

But then,maybe there is something I don't understand, as a guy I literally abhor passivity...

[ellie]

I agree, Sixpacj, you shouldnt take the advice in the book literally.

Mainly, if I got it right (maybe I misunderstood), the authors think that a guy will ALWAYS ask you out, ALWAYS call you, NEVER let you have any doubts about his being interested in you. And the authors also say that, being shy is not an excuse for not calling etc.

But there are some guys who are shy.
And yeah, I also agree that sometimes us girls can respond in a way that makes the guy think she isnt interested. Or something like that.

It takes two to tango, or??

It can't be just the guy that decides the outcome

[Disillusioned]

An instructional book is a special form of pleading a case and their "research" is based primarily on bias and stereotypes. If you go and try to prove yourself right rather than observe what really happens you'll make yourself a lovely self-fulfilling prophecy. Then you'll continue to reassure yourself that you're correct. You'll be more sensitive to the negative examples that validate what you believe and be more sceptical about positive ones that trash your opinions. There's a movie called The Ugly Truth. Thanks for that one, asshole! Put a big heart over his dick and put a big heart over her head and watch the women walk by going "yep, mm-hm..."
Pisses me off. Women complain about cosmo mags destroying their self-esteem. A lot of women ignore the fact that if there's a niche market, like guys wanting to get women to like them, companies will jump all over it. Now us men are supposed to be smooth bodied, clean-shaven funny boys with big muscles, tans and a tool's haircut. Of course, many women don't fall for the bullshit. Neither do a lot of the men but someone, somewhere is validating this rubbish.

[ellie]

in other words you don't like the book?

[Disillusioned]

No, I do not. I disagree with most oversimplification, even though I get caught slipping myself. The only "rules" are the laws that you go to jail for breaking, like harassment. Equality should be practiced, not just preached but many people will grab a double standard and run with it.