Is my relationship ending?

[johnny_fallar]

I'm feeling pretty crappy about this and I hope someone can shed some light for me...

My girlfriend has been away since April on business. Since that time, we've visted each other about 7 times. We usually talk on the phone once a day, no less than once every two days. One of the times I flew out to see her, she tried to break up with me. This came as a complete surprise to me as we were talking and joking on the phone normally the night before.

Recently, she's been going out to bars (which she usually doesn't do) and dancing (another thing she usually doesn't do). She called me up the other day (while drunk) to tell me that there's a new guy at her work who's been hitting on her and dancing with her (she then went on to say that she's been good and I'm the only man for her). She followed that up immediately by saying she's nervous about coming back and that she's afraid we won't click.

The past four days we haven't been talking as much (10 minutes a day before she says she has to go) and she hasn't been returning my phone calls or my texts.

She says she loves me, but everything was fine before she tried to break up with me the first time, and I'm afraid that I'm losing her.

I talked to her about my concerns ("distance between us") and she says it's just because of the actual distance between us, that she still loves me, and that everything will be fine when she gets back. With the whole break up thing on top of the drunk phone call about how she's worried...I kind of don't believe her.

Am I being crazy? Am I being too needy? Does it sound like my relationship is in trouble to you? Any feedback appreciated.

Thanks,
Johnny F

[Yggdrasil]

I think you should break up with her mister safety net.

[johnny_fallar]

Mister Safety Net? Is that a jab or something?

I would ideally like to save this relationship. Before I go to the next step and sit down and tell her what I think it going on, I wanted to gauge public opinion and see if it seems like it's all in my head.

[bloodtippedrose]

Public opinion: Youre being used. She doesnt want to be with you if she tried breaking up with you. Shes not worth another plane ticket. Shes not the same girl you fell in love with. She is going to sleep with that guy at work.
She might be guilty of already sleeping with someone and is avoiding you on purpose.
Look for someone else. even if it ended up working out now it will fall apart later.

[johnny_fallar]

She's coming back next week.

I'm thinking I may sit down with her and have a serious talk when she gets back and bring up all the things that are bugging me. I know her job is extremely stressful (12-14 hour days) so this may be her just acting out.

I dunno...I don't want to believe that this is happening.

[Yggdrasil]

Mister Safety Net? Is that a jab or something?

Nope, that's my way of saying that I wouldn't put up for even one single fraction of a second with the crap your g/f is pulling.

She'd come back home and find her stuff packed and ready to move. Compliments of the house.

I do happen to have self worth.

[johnny_fallar]

I have plenty of self worth...I just also happen to be in love.

People makes mistakes. I'm gauging if this is a mistake that's worth trying to fix.

I came here to seek advice and opinions...not to be berated for showing emotion and character.

[Yggdrasil]

You seriously think I am going to tell you what you want to hear, so you can keep on emotionaly torturing yourself and being further used?

That would be bad advice. I will simply tell you my opinion on your situation, and I couldn't care less if you like it or not.

In my opinion, your relation with your g/f is on it's way out.

I'll even tell you what your problem is: you're failing to see what's really going on, because you're looking at the situation from an emotional level instead of a logical and reasonable level.

But hey, it's your life. You'll be the one hurt and running around, begging her to take you back while making a fool of yourself, while she is clearly hinting that she's absolutely no longer interested in you.

I betcha the only reason she may hang around for a while longer is because she doesn't want to be alone and she's looking for someone else.

[johnny_fallar]

I get what you're saying, and I appreciate the advice. All I'm saying is that you don't have to be such a dick about it.

I may be emotionally invested in this relationship, but I never beg and I don't chase. Never have, never will. Emotional attachment doesn't equal a whimpering, weak man.

You're coming off to me as saying that when human error comes into play, that you should end it...which I don't agree with. At all. That's comparable to euthanizing your dog the first time it gets sick.

And hey man, if that's how you play it...then play it well. All I'm saying is don't look down on me because I don't see people as expendable.

The general consensus is that my relationship is going to end soon. I accept that. The whole reason for this post was to make sure her behavior wasn't normal, which gauging by the response I got, it's not.

[BehindBlueEyes]

Don't break her heart. But, it looks like she's already broken yours.

[Yggdrasil]

And hey man, if that's how you play it...then play it well. All I'm saying is don't look down on me because I don't see people as expendable.

I'm not looking down at you, I'm trying to protect you from more harm.

I don't have the tendency to sugarcoat shit. Shit with a coat of sugar is still shit.

I'm blunt, I don't have to be nice, I have to be honest.

There is no 'nice' way of saying: you're effed, you've been had, you're being used. How do you sugarcoat that?

[Chaz3]

I'd say leave her, before she leaves you. It looks like its already on her mind. When she gets back I'm sure you'll be walking on egg shells. As soon as something doesn't go perfect or she finds a new opportunity... bam! Ya might wait a little after she is back, (couple days) see if this really starts happening. Don't say anything about it. But you'll be able to tell.

Don't let yourself be blinded by your love for her. Because if your on the egg shells... its done. So just end it first and move along. If she beats ya to the punch. Just get up and go, if she asks where your going tell her your going to get boxes to move her crap out. Then leave it at that.